I am afraid | [tobias]

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gamemaker 💀 hades lochlan
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I am afraid | [tobias] Nov 1, 2017 16:50:42 GMT -5

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Post by gamemaker 💀 hades lochlan on Nov 1, 2017 16:50:42 GMT -5

and at once I knew I was not magnificent
huddled far from the highway aisle
jagged vacancy, thick with ice
and I could see for miles

In a distorted daydream, a great castle once fell to darkness.

Buzzing like insects- no, stronger- electricity, it thrummed within him, fingertips vibrating. His heart was a shock wave, beating faster than ever right before it ceased to beat at all.

"I am—" He thought the words, but couldn't find the energy to say them.

Try again.

"I am—" Nope. He tested the waters, trying to flex his fingers and toes, flick his tongue, inhale, even, to no avail. He would have cried, or screamed, or begged if he could've, but even mustering tears proved too difficult a task for his faltering frame.

Flickering light- click, click. Gone for a second, then back in an instant.

His eyes closed one last time, and the light remained on.

"I am—"

Dying was an infuriating adventure, and that had taken him eighteen years of living to figure out. Eighteen years of prepping for this exact moment.

He felt warm; he didn't think he would ever get that sensation again after however long he had been in the arena. A day, perhaps, or two, or three. Hard to tell with only the moon to guide him.

His breathing hitched, static white noise and a ringing in his ears.

He wanted to say this. He wanted to say it badly, but his mouth wouldn't open and the light was growing brighter and brighter. No. Nononononono.

He had failed, hadn't he? Tobias, the loser. The pretty face, dead as soon as a 3-count after something sharp dared to scratch his face.

"I am—"

He strained, begging the light to give him just a moment longer.

"I am—"

Weak? Worth more than this? Strong? Deserving of such a fate? d e a d ?

"No. Maybe. But... I am—"

Cannon fire.

^{I AM A GARDEN OF BLACK AND RED AGONIES}

gamemaker 💀 hades lochlan
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7,691 POSTS
last seen Apr 18, 2024 23:34:57 GMT -5

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I am afraid | [tobias] Nov 1, 2017 17:29:07 GMT -5

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Post by gamemaker 💀 hades lochlan on Nov 1, 2017 17:29:07 GMT -5

up with your turret; aren't we just terrified?
shale, screen your worry
from what you won't ever find
don't let it fool you

"I am afraid!"

His eyes opened and he was somewhere far, far away.

He stumbled, red sand crunching beneath his boots, scarlet sky staring down at him in a sleepy yawn of late evening, crimson waters lapping at the shoreline.

"Where—" State of confusion, or maybe a state of delusion. He looked at the back of his hands, counting ten fingers to make sure he wasn't dreaming. What happened?

There was some kind of knowledge there, but he couldn't quite place it. What had he screamed before?

("I am afraid!")

Why would he have screamed that? He didn't feel afraid. Uneasy, off balance, perhaps, but not afraid.

Should he have been? He checked his surroundings, only to find them vacant. He was alone, but he didn't feel that way. He felt.. He felt—

He searched his mind for the words.

"At home?" the voice was all-knowing, echoing as if it were said from the other side of a very long cave. The words rolled across the sand, fell into the ocean somewhere deeply into the horizon.

"Yes," Tobias admitted, searching for the person who had spoken. The voice was familiar, but not close enough for Toby to recognize from a single word.

There was no one.

"Why is everything red?" He could hear leaves rustling in the wind somewhere far off, despite there only being beaches and shorelines as far as his eyes allowed him to see.

"It's how you saw the world before. Red and alone; you against the world."

Tobias furrowed his brow; "R—Really?"

He sat down hard, resting his chin on his knees and staring at the blurry lines where sky met sea. He couldn't really tell where one stopped and the other started; it all sort of bled together.

The voice was right.

Tobias versus the world, and the world always won. He had these names in his head- people he was worried about. Lenox. Farley. His parents.

Had they left him?

Is that why he was supposed to be afraid?

"Where are you? Who... Who are you?" There was a long silence that followed. Perhaps the voice had left him, too.

"Not yet," the voice said. There was worry in his tone, whoever it was. Tobias wished he could place the face that matched it. Not his father, none of his friends, no one— he had no clue.

"When can I know?" He asked, eyes fixed on the sky far above him.

"When you understand."

He gritted his teeth. "That doesn't make any sense," He groaned, falling onto his back. He rest his hands on the back of his head. It was as if he couldn't stay angry for too long before things felt easy again and he couldn't help smiling.

He saw a sun directly above him, small, insignificant, but it hadn't been there before.

"Because you don't understand yet."

"How am I supposed to understand?!" Angry again. He felt peacefulness washing over him but he brushed it off. This wasn't contentment. Being alone wasn't contentment.

But was that not how he had always lived? Alone and angry? Red silence, eyes looking in the same places and hoping something was different?

His eyes welled up with tears.

"Please! I don't want to be alone!" Thunder cracked in the sky, red as everything else, and the waters became wild with frenzy. The ground cracked beneath him, red light bursting in like light leaks on a camera, and Tobias looked up at the sun one more time before he found himself laying on a different beach, with a milder temperature, and this one seemed to be in color.

Before he could pick himself up, a face that was familiar, but wasn't, popped into his line of vision.

"Tobias," it was the voice again, and he was standing over Tobias at that very moment. His breath caught, and he grabbed the boy's ankle just to make sure he was real.

"Reese!"

^{I AM A GARDEN OF BLACK AND RED AGONIES}

gamemaker 💀 hades lochlan
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last seen Apr 18, 2024 23:34:57 GMT -5

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I am afraid | [tobias] Nov 1, 2017 18:15:43 GMT -5

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Post by gamemaker 💀 hades lochlan on Nov 1, 2017 18:15:43 GMT -5

and i'll use you as a warning sign
that if you talk enough sense
then you'll lose your mind
and i'll use you as a focal point

It was strange, seeing him in person. Flesh and bone, pulling Tobias in for a hug he never thought he would receive. Reese LaChance was no longer an idea, or a far off dream. He was real. As real as Tobias, at least, standing right there in front of him.

"But you're— am I..?"

Reese inhaled, hands on Toby's shoulders.

"You are."

Grief, maybe, or something equally as powerful, made his chest feel heavy and his throat tighten. Tobias allowed his eyes to fall to the ground for a moment, before noticing others standing near and far. Gavin Barker held the hand of Rowan Combe, while Raven stood next to them and smiled. And Samira Hart stood only two feet behind Reese, protective as always. A blonde boy gave a curly-haired girl a piggyback near the shore, and two tall, slender boys rested against the treeline in patient waiting. The was also a redhead, plucking seashells from the sand, whom he recognized as the Libertine girl, and the blonde girl from Nine.

They just kept coming, it seemed, and he knew who they were, but he didn't know how. Just that they were strangers.

"Are they?"

"We all are. But it doesn't mean what we thought it did. We came here, instead." He nodded to the forest, prompting Tobias to follow, "This way. I want to show you what you've brought."

The ducked into the forest, ground changing from sand to fallen leaves in an instant. The air was softer here, and Tobias found himself missing home. He and Reese walked side by side, Tobias asking questions and Reese answering the ones he was equipped to answer.

"We can visit our loved ones," Reese explained, "But not all the time. If we spend too much time away, we fade."

"Okay."

He had expected a no, so knowing he could see his family at all was enough to lift the weight from his shoulders.

"What happens when we fade?" Tobias asked.

"I'm not sure."

Once they were far enough away from the waves that the sounds of forest life ruled the world, Reese stopped. Tobias listened to the thrum of a humming bird's wings as Reese began to climb a tree. He stuffed his foot into a fork and offered Tobias his hand.

"This way," he smiled.

Tobias took his hand, climbing up after him until they were at the very top of the tree. From here, he could see just how tiny the island was. Couldn't have been any bigger than Seven, though, come to think of it, he couldn't remember how big Seven was. He had a hard time remembering why it was called Seven, as well. Something about designated areas.

"Look," Reese said, pointing past the far side of the island. He didn't see it at first, but there, shrouded in fog, was a mountain range. Nothing huge, but to Toby, it was spectacular. "Why mountains?" He asked after a long pause.

"Everyone brings something. I think, in your case, it's because you overcame your biggest obstacles. You saw your past and refused to accept it as your future."

Tobias smiled, watched the mountains breathe from within the fog. "Can we go there?"

"Anytime. But right now, let's head back to the beach. Someone was asking about you."

Tobias looked at the mountains one last time, and then—

"Okay."

That night, he sat next to Quillon Blackfare and roasted marshmallows over an open fire.

"Hey, Q?" Tobias said with a smile, "I'm not afraid anymore."

And now that he was not alone, he knew he would never be afraid again.

{ E N D }