Jedidiah James D10 {done}

Jed

I'm tired.

Tired of working endless hours on a farm for nothing. Tired of watching people I love starve because I can't provide for them. Tired of watching people punished because they resort to stealing simply to stay alive. Tired of the Capitol telling me what to do. Tired of watching innocent animals eating their body weight in food so others can eat them. Tired of being stuck in a continuous lie.

I'm tired of being afraid.

I wasn't always like this.

I was a happy go lucky kid. Always running around playing with the other kids without any worries in the world. Games of tag and hide and seek made the long days go faster. Playing chase or duck duck goose. None of the people I played with had much to offer, but we were friends, and that was all I needed.

Sometimes we'd have sleep overs together. Sometimes we'd stay up all night sharing ghost stories.

I haven't heard from many of them in a long time, but it doesn't matter anymore. Maybe one day I'll see them again.

I grew up in old run down houses. Ma and Pa tried their best to keep me and my brother alive. Every single day I watched them throw together what little food they had. I watched them scratch the bottom of the bags just for a little more. Sometimes it felt like my stomach was devouring my back, yet it was all that I knew. It was embedded into the depths of my mind that everyone did their part, and food would be provided. I thought everyone went hungry as we slaughtered animal after animal. So much was taken away.

I remember working in a shop. The hours weren't the greatest, but I felt on top of the world bringing something home for my family. Stale bread and rotten fruits became a wonderful way of life. It was all that I knew. Sometimes I went to sleep with my stomach growling not knowing where my next meal would come from. Sometimes I tried munching on grass just to ease the sensation, unfortunately, it never went away.

I was young and naive.

I worked without complaining. I spent hours in the sun roasting my skin until it turned beet red - I only have two colors; beet red and pale as a ghost.

I get that from Ma. Even my freckles and my blue eyes. They all come from her, but my height comes from Pa. He's a worker just like me. We've worked together. I grew up following in his footsteps.

I worked until my tongue plastered itself to the roof my mouth. I worked until I was told to quit because it was all that I knew.

And I feel it was all for nothing.

But it gave me all that I had.

Everything I own wasn't given to me. I saved as much money as I could by putting it back in case of hard times. When summers were long and hot, and the fall like breezes didn't cool it off enough. I went to auctions with the little bit of cash I had because I needed to bring something home for my family. Ma and Pa worked as well, yet it was never enough to feed four of us living in a single bedroom house.

Even at night we'd sing songs together especially on the nights a fire was lit outside. It gave us warmth and comfort,and it allowed us the chance to escape from the world for just a little bit.

I had my own pig named Jake. I kept it hidden in the barn because I wanted to keep him alive. It was my pig. The only thing I ever wanted for my life, yet terrible times came. Ma and Pa wasn't bringing home enough money, and all that I brought home from the little shop wasn't making a difference.

Pa killed Jake, and I'll never forgive him.

That was the final straw.

I cried for days. I saved my money for that pig. I gave everything I had to make sure he had a good home. I gave him my food. I carried hay out for him.

I loved him.

But Pa didn't even care.

It woke me up though. It made me realize how bad life is.

My entire life was a lie. Never did the Capitol care for us. Never did the district care. They only cared for themselves. They worked us until we had nothing left. I fully believe they forced us to take matters into our own hands. They wanted to turn families against each other, yet when someone steps out of line they end up whipped or arrested and sent far away never to be seen again. I had this hope that it wasn't as bad as it seemed. That taking children and throwing them into the hunger games was necessary. That it was alright.

I was a fool, and I hate it.

I don't eat meat anymore because I want no part in slaughtering the innocent animals. As soon as I turned eighteen, I left home for a bit. I moved away from Ma and Pa and my brother because I couldn't be around them anymore. We the people deserve better. Our animals deserve better. They don't deserve living in captivity until they're ready for slaughter. But soon I realized I couldn't live on my own. I couldn't afford it. I tried so hard for so long - I'm very disappointed in myself because I let myself down.

I was starving to death, and I moved back home with Ma and Pa.

They accepted me back, yet they never once apologized for killing my pig.

"We had to do what we had to do, son."

But it's not okay, and it never will be.

Things have changed. I still work hard especially on the farm. It's a life I enjoy, yet I only feed the horses because they won't ever be eaten, but even then I wouldn't eat them anyway. It doesn't matter if I eat moldy bread and rotten fruits. It's better than eating the innocent. I don't talk to them anymore. I don't let them know how life is going because despite the terrible things that have happened in life, I still love and care for them, and I want to keep them safe.

And to do that, I have to take matters into my own hands. I'm tired of going to the higher ups asking for help and being promised it'll come, yet it never comes. Just tell me the truth, and all will be okay. I'd rather hear the truth than being told lie after lie. It's broken my trust so many times, and all I can do now is take everything with a grain of salt.

Ma and Pa left me in charge of the horses, and I can use them for my own benefit.

I feed them even during the hottest of days. Carrying the straw over my head making sure they have enough to eat. I carry buckets of heavy water. Every day I grow stronger. As I grow stronger, I grow braver.

I'm not afraid of the higher ups anymore.

If they aren't going to do anything about the condition of the district, I will even if it kills me. Nothing is going to stand in my way.

A spark has been lit, and I'm ready to start a war.