in the shadows [elegant]

Maybe it's the fact that Quincy kind of scares the shit out of me sometimes or maybe it's because the job is too damn easy bu tI know for a fact that I'm going to fuck this up for myself somehow.

Call it what you want, negativity, foresight, whatever man, I just fucking know.

I slip a knife into my boot because if I really can tell the future, something about this night and it's cold tells me that I'll need it.

Quincy's waiting for me outside and I pull a glove on with my teeth, wondering why the fuck dad chose me to go with him and not Ams or Jace. Jace and Quincy were a better team and my partner's Bromme anyway. Guess they were busy or something.

Whatever the case, it's my chance to prove to my older brother how good I've gotten. I get this job right and I finally get to have more. Everything rests on it.

I grab a letter opener from the sidetable as I go out the front door and slip it into my other boot just in case.

Quincy tries to reassure me like the good big brother that he is and I nod, breath coming out in front of me like a bad omen in the cold.

"Why's it so important it has to be delivered tonight anyway?"

I can't tell if Quincy honestly doesn't know or if he's speaking in code becuase people might be listening. Supposed to secure us some cash? It's cocaine. It's always fucking cocaine.

I don't care that we deal it, it's the addict's fault that they get addicted in the first place. A line here and there always turns into 'I can't start my day without a good old line of cocaine' and everyone fucking knows that, it's not rocket science. They tell us about it in school now because it's so fucking bad in our district. Careers do it to get a better workout in and then use it again like two hours later at a party. Half the people I sell to are in my grad year.

Either way, Quincy's in charge and I'm happy taking orders off him. He's strong and smart about this kind of shit. I know if I just do as he says we'll be fine. He's my brother and nothing bad is gonna happen to me tonight.

"It's fucking freezing," I complain, no fight in me, "We should just grab a hot chocolate or something, make it look like we're just going for a walk."

At 2AM, sure.

I can already taste that hot chocolate and I pick up my speed a bit. Quincy makes hot chocolates the best, always has and always will. Ams doesn't make them sweet enough and Jace puts way too much sugar in. I only accept of Quincy offers it.

I hope he makes it with real chocolate this time.

The bribe's good so I follow Quincy quietly, passing over one of my gloves when I see him blowing on his bare fingers. Better we both have a warm hand for a quick reaction than me with two.

We walk in silence for awhile but it isn't often I get Quincy to myself. I try to think of what to say so I don't sound like a reject. Quincy's opinion of me is important. I know he's gonna be helping to run things one day and if I want a good spot after dad steps down, I gotta show him how good I am.

And I don't know who the hell thought I could be quiet for an hour.

"Maybe we could spar one time?" I ask him, trying to be casual about it, "I've gotten really good scores in training recently. Bet I could surprise you."

I only spar with Quincy on rare occasions when he's not busy for once. Last time was nearly last year and it's true, I'm doing well right now. I don't think I could beat him but he's got a lot that I could learn.

I grin, smile spreading from ear to ear. The promise of a spar with Quincy is too damn good. I don't know why but I've always idolized my older brothers. Quincy, Jace and Brohm. They're some of the coolest people ever and I'm lucky enough to have them as my siblings.

I think about that a lot.

I open my mouth to answer when my ears catch the whistling sound of a knife. Without thought, I reach into my closest boot and pull out the knife I stashed, leaping forward to knock the knife out of the air. It hits the flying blade with a metallic shriek and my eyes go first to the blade now buried in the snow, second to the second one flying for my head. I duck just in the nick of time but the blade slides quickly across the back of my neck, calling up a shallow stream of blood.

Someone comes running out of the alley and Quincy steps forward to meet them.

My fingers go to the back of my neck and come away red.

Well shit.

I stand, watching Quincy fight the person, knowing that there's nothing I can do becuase it will just be getting in the way. I know that Quincy can take this guy easy, he's top of his class and this guy is some random fuck but I can't help my hands curling into fists or stepping forward slightly. I can't help feeling like I have to do more than just fucking stand there.

I bend down quickly and scoop up some snow, body moving too fast for my brain. Good old brain says to fuck off, that Quincy has this and doesn't need my help, stupid body is afraid for my big brother's life and doesn't listen to the rules anyway.

I make a snowball.

"HEY YOU SHITFUCK," I yell.

I fucking throw a snowball when there's a perfectly good knife in my other hand.

My brother kicks the guy's ass like an actual bonified tribute and I can't help the reaccuring grin from making another appearance. He takes him down like it's nothing but he does have some wounds to show for it. That makes me feel good somehow, like I'm not such a fuck up for getting myself stabbed every now and then.

"As weird as that was, you really helped me out."

I stop for a full hot second there and almost forget to breathe. It's not like Quincy doesn't give praise often, it's more like I actually did something useful for my brother instead of him helping me all of the time. Quincy's always saving my dumb ass and I'm always getting myself into sticky situations.

"Yeah well," I say, "You know."

And there she goes, my attempted casual tone a casualty of war.

"You probably had it anyway."