Amélie Rixton | District Eight {FIN} CB

template by punki-chan of adoxography

"See no evil," my sisters and I were always told. Mom and dad were very insistent that the Games were a terrible thing, and I agreed with them. This made me think that, since I was never chosen for the Games, nothing bad could ever happen. I was wrong, though. Something bad did happen. My father passed away out of nowhere, and it broke us. All of us. Helena often shut herself away and spent time crying. I reacted differently. I turned it into rage.

I became angry when he died. I felt that I'd been lied to. I was told for years that the Games would go away one day. My parents were wrong. They were still here. Things were even worse for me when dad died, and I felt that if one bad thing could happen to me, so could many more. I could be reaped for the Games, and there would be no escape.

I spend many of my days trying to forget it all. I read books to get my mind into a different world, and I've become a bookworm. It's the only way I can try to forget. It's the only thing that distracts me from the evil in the world, aside from sewing. I have to sew. It's my job, as I mend clothes for a living. I just wish I could bring back the innocence I had before where I thought nothing bad could ever happen outside of the Games. I thought I was safe from sadness. I thought I was safe from anger and from any sort of harm. I thought that we were all safe.

Oh boy was I wrong.

I still can see the scars on my arms from when I dug my finger nails into myself in rage, drawing blood. That was the night my father died. Now my urges to hurt have turned on others. I'll get angry and lash out on them, sometimes hitting people. I try to control it but I can't.

My rage just keeps building.