together with only hope [teddy & parson]
Jan 6, 2019 2:44:44 GMT -5
Post by Tom on Jan 6, 2019 2:44:44 GMT -5
☾
Theodore Ursa was a coward.
A young boy who had played pirate in order to cope with the hellish home that he belonged to. All of the times where he had felt so alone in the world of Six never compared to this moment. This moment of emptiness that leaves a giant hole in his heart where nothing fits quite right, except the tears of his own. Theodore Ursa had been so alone, until Parson Cham took something away from him and found a place in the young boy's life. As if the shy boy couldn't have done it on his own, Theodore Ursa found strength in Pan and Cub in order to stand up for himself and recognize the truth of his home. Only coming to the conclusion that he needed to run away from home. Run far away where his parents could never hurt him again.
That plan only leads to the one and only Teddy Ursa who could stand his ground and believe in himself.
Teddy Ursa doesn't exist in his own mind now.
Instead, Theodore Ursa spends days stuck in this room with curtains closed and unkempt hair as his heart trembles from that emotion of loss that strikes hard. Just as much as it had when Chester's eyes stared back at him from the night's sky. Parson was the only one who brought him back from the hell of his own life and created something good. Something that made him feel alive for once and all of that was gone in just a moment. All it took was a slit throat and a cry for Teddy to feel his heart crumble in front of his eyes.
Fuck this hurt him.
And that's why all of this was worse than before. Why it had been so hard to get bribed out of the room by Stella Blakesley into watching the twist revelation. Why it had been hard to listen to the sound of Star curled up outside of the room he locked himself in watching the games. Why it had hurt when Star told him Quest died. All of this was leading to the revelation of all fucking revelations. Stella dragging him from the room and into Twelve's floor. Holding onto her like he may fall apart if he didn't. A deep breath of tear stained cheeks and messy hair, only to wait for Snow to announce whatever it was.
Eyes glancing to his own hands, all he can see is the years of blood that coats them.
Ansel Khiev, with his surprisingly deadly ways, despite seeming more harmless than harmful. The way his mother looked Teddy in the eye and broke down claiming that she's lost everything. Killers the lot of the male Khievs. All he could do was turn away from her. Serena Fennel, with her lack of knowing Ansel was coming for her, Teddy hadn't even been able to stand in front of her family. Instead he took to doing what he does with all of his problems, locking them away and avoiding them until they fizzled out or bite him in the backside.
Vesper Daisy, the youngest of them all, with a new sibling on the way, Teddy stood in front of them with guilt stuck in his throat before he left to his victor home separated from the reality of his own being. Aeson Kight, different than all the others, someone he hated from the moment the guy opened his mouth, but still a life that he was meant to help. Aeryn Kight hadn't given him mercy for his death and Teddy Ursa deserved the way she towered over him that day with truths. Monster or not, Aeson Kight had family in Six.
Ezekiel Alexander, a more complex man who had similar backgrounds to himself, Teddy had thought he could be the one to continue the Six legacy and bring himself home, but watching the screens over and over of him killing Faline only makes his bones ache. Even that despicable rumor from that interview makes him feel the guilt rise to his throat and the blood seep into his hands. Faline Varley was just as young as Vesper and had a lot of spunk that made him want for her to come home, but spunk didn't mean surviving your home.
Six was known for killing their own now.
That was attached to his name.
And now, there was Quest. A girl with so much more than most of the District Six public that she sticks out like a sore thumb. A unique personality who brightens the district, but in the arena, it only helped her get so far. That guilt rises up over his faces as if he's drowning in the tidal wave that he's stuck with.
Lastly, Parson Cham was on his hands. In more ways than one, Parson was his fault and his fault alone. Despite being killed by Wander Sibley, Teddy Ursa hadn't been there when he needed to be. He hadn't been able to help Parson with Jacob. He vanished from thin air as if the world had sucked him into a parallel universe where the children playing pirates never existed. God, it would be so much better if he didn't exist for their sake.
Crown upon his head as if he could carry the weight behind it. Running a kingdom of isolation and petty weight that only the past victors could see, but none of the new victors. The weight they bear is insurmountable to what their hearts go through. Brothers, sisters, cousins, lovers, hell even children, dying in front of them because of the blood they carry, the name they carry, and the death that haunts them.
Victors. Victims.
Who the hell can tell the difference.
Not Teddy Ursa.
Snow speaks.
Teddy Ursa crumbles.
The screen is fake. The faces are fake. Snow is a liar, a con, a destructive force, but he's never been mercy.
The victors lock arms before his feet takes him away from that room. Away from Snow. Away from the last bit of hope that he doesn't want to hold out on. Mercy. Mercy wasn't for them. Even if this was mercy, this was just more victims of a victorless world. Heartbeat ringing in his ears with the sound of thumps, almost as if everything was speeding up around him. Sturdy legs pushing him forward as he knocks an avox carrying a bunch of plates over, until he's back on Six's floor.
Star smiles at him, but he doesn't even move an inch to look to her.
There's a haunting ringing in his ears as faces come and go.
All of the dead tributes from six. All of them were dead, but what made this time special. What did Wander Sibley have that Hero Marvary didn't. Teddy could have found out about who Lux Pelotte was. Emberly Lowe could have seen another sunrise and her sister. Rory Benstaloe could have gone home with his cousins. Basil Isley could have seen all that he's created just for her. Ree Fer wouldn't have to be some forgotten boy. He could have given Adelaide Throes the world. He could have spent endless nights under covers with Chester Meisenzahl. A shared lunch with Titus Seraphim. Seen Cam's home with her. This wasn't mercy. This was suffering of what ifs and how could I's.
Parson and Quest may get to come home, but hundreds of others will never get to see that.
This couldn't be real.
As that thought dissipates, all he can do is swallow down the hope in his throat.
Parson Cham was alive. Parson was alive. Fuck, Parson was alive, coming home, and breathing. The ringing continues as he feels himself slump to the floor against a wall as time begins to pass in that special way of when he's absorbed in his own mind, stuck on an impossibility. Parson Cham was alive and Teddy Ursa was a broken man.
Days spent of pirates, hours spent arguing about dumb childish things, and moments spent praying to no god that Parson Cham could come back to him. As the time passes, the victor of six stays against the wall as his mind wrestles with this fact. This truth that seems so impossible that he can't believe that he's not dreaming.
"I never thought I would be the first one to die, y’know."
Parson wouldn't.
His friend would live. Live a life that he could with messages sent to Angel that makes his insides burn just slightly. Live a life in Six working in the medical business, visiting his home, and being friends again. All it takes is the sound of the metal doors opening and the sounds of footsteps to tear Teddy Ursa away from it all. To tear him from the what ifs and the anger for the fallen who didn't have the same mercy as the 80th.
Instead, Theodore Ursa stands with unkempt hair and tattered clothes. Eyes glancing to the one and only Parson Cham in the flesh. It takes all of him to not walk over and beat the ever living shit out of him for the bullshit he pulled in the arena, but Teddy Ursa feels his heart hammering and his feet pushing forward as tears continue to appear on his face.
The walking turns into a run before he sprints into Parson, even without a leg he still could make it quicker than he expected, nearly knocking the both of them over in the process. Arms wrapped around Parson's torso as he pulls his friend in tighter and closer to him. The familiar scent of Parson Cham easing him into this reality before he speaks in that cracked voice that hasn't said much of a word to anyone.
"I-I...."
Chin tucked onto Parson's shoulder as he grounds himself in this hope, this mercy, this pain.
"Welcome home, Pan."
In this world, there are no victors.
Only victims.
Mercy doesn't exist.
Only suffering.
Except, in this moment, Teddy Ursa wasn't suffering.
He was living.
A young boy who had played pirate in order to cope with the hellish home that he belonged to. All of the times where he had felt so alone in the world of Six never compared to this moment. This moment of emptiness that leaves a giant hole in his heart where nothing fits quite right, except the tears of his own. Theodore Ursa had been so alone, until Parson Cham took something away from him and found a place in the young boy's life. As if the shy boy couldn't have done it on his own, Theodore Ursa found strength in Pan and Cub in order to stand up for himself and recognize the truth of his home. Only coming to the conclusion that he needed to run away from home. Run far away where his parents could never hurt him again.
That plan only leads to the one and only Teddy Ursa who could stand his ground and believe in himself.
Teddy Ursa doesn't exist in his own mind now.
Instead, Theodore Ursa spends days stuck in this room with curtains closed and unkempt hair as his heart trembles from that emotion of loss that strikes hard. Just as much as it had when Chester's eyes stared back at him from the night's sky. Parson was the only one who brought him back from the hell of his own life and created something good. Something that made him feel alive for once and all of that was gone in just a moment. All it took was a slit throat and a cry for Teddy to feel his heart crumble in front of his eyes.
Fuck this hurt him.
And that's why all of this was worse than before. Why it had been so hard to get bribed out of the room by Stella Blakesley into watching the twist revelation. Why it had been hard to listen to the sound of Star curled up outside of the room he locked himself in watching the games. Why it had hurt when Star told him Quest died. All of this was leading to the revelation of all fucking revelations. Stella dragging him from the room and into Twelve's floor. Holding onto her like he may fall apart if he didn't. A deep breath of tear stained cheeks and messy hair, only to wait for Snow to announce whatever it was.
Eyes glancing to his own hands, all he can see is the years of blood that coats them.
Ansel Khiev, with his surprisingly deadly ways, despite seeming more harmless than harmful. The way his mother looked Teddy in the eye and broke down claiming that she's lost everything. Killers the lot of the male Khievs. All he could do was turn away from her. Serena Fennel, with her lack of knowing Ansel was coming for her, Teddy hadn't even been able to stand in front of her family. Instead he took to doing what he does with all of his problems, locking them away and avoiding them until they fizzled out or bite him in the backside.
Vesper Daisy, the youngest of them all, with a new sibling on the way, Teddy stood in front of them with guilt stuck in his throat before he left to his victor home separated from the reality of his own being. Aeson Kight, different than all the others, someone he hated from the moment the guy opened his mouth, but still a life that he was meant to help. Aeryn Kight hadn't given him mercy for his death and Teddy Ursa deserved the way she towered over him that day with truths. Monster or not, Aeson Kight had family in Six.
Ezekiel Alexander, a more complex man who had similar backgrounds to himself, Teddy had thought he could be the one to continue the Six legacy and bring himself home, but watching the screens over and over of him killing Faline only makes his bones ache. Even that despicable rumor from that interview makes him feel the guilt rise to his throat and the blood seep into his hands. Faline Varley was just as young as Vesper and had a lot of spunk that made him want for her to come home, but spunk didn't mean surviving your home.
Six was known for killing their own now.
That was attached to his name.
And now, there was Quest. A girl with so much more than most of the District Six public that she sticks out like a sore thumb. A unique personality who brightens the district, but in the arena, it only helped her get so far. That guilt rises up over his faces as if he's drowning in the tidal wave that he's stuck with.
Lastly, Parson Cham was on his hands. In more ways than one, Parson was his fault and his fault alone. Despite being killed by Wander Sibley, Teddy Ursa hadn't been there when he needed to be. He hadn't been able to help Parson with Jacob. He vanished from thin air as if the world had sucked him into a parallel universe where the children playing pirates never existed. God, it would be so much better if he didn't exist for their sake.
Crown upon his head as if he could carry the weight behind it. Running a kingdom of isolation and petty weight that only the past victors could see, but none of the new victors. The weight they bear is insurmountable to what their hearts go through. Brothers, sisters, cousins, lovers, hell even children, dying in front of them because of the blood they carry, the name they carry, and the death that haunts them.
Victors. Victims.
Who the hell can tell the difference.
Not Teddy Ursa.
Snow speaks.
Teddy Ursa crumbles.
The screen is fake. The faces are fake. Snow is a liar, a con, a destructive force, but he's never been mercy.
The victors lock arms before his feet takes him away from that room. Away from Snow. Away from the last bit of hope that he doesn't want to hold out on. Mercy. Mercy wasn't for them. Even if this was mercy, this was just more victims of a victorless world. Heartbeat ringing in his ears with the sound of thumps, almost as if everything was speeding up around him. Sturdy legs pushing him forward as he knocks an avox carrying a bunch of plates over, until he's back on Six's floor.
Star smiles at him, but he doesn't even move an inch to look to her.
There's a haunting ringing in his ears as faces come and go.
All of the dead tributes from six. All of them were dead, but what made this time special. What did Wander Sibley have that Hero Marvary didn't. Teddy could have found out about who Lux Pelotte was. Emberly Lowe could have seen another sunrise and her sister. Rory Benstaloe could have gone home with his cousins. Basil Isley could have seen all that he's created just for her. Ree Fer wouldn't have to be some forgotten boy. He could have given Adelaide Throes the world. He could have spent endless nights under covers with Chester Meisenzahl. A shared lunch with Titus Seraphim. Seen Cam's home with her. This wasn't mercy. This was suffering of what ifs and how could I's.
Parson and Quest may get to come home, but hundreds of others will never get to see that.
This couldn't be real.
As that thought dissipates, all he can do is swallow down the hope in his throat.
Parson Cham was alive. Parson was alive. Fuck, Parson was alive, coming home, and breathing. The ringing continues as he feels himself slump to the floor against a wall as time begins to pass in that special way of when he's absorbed in his own mind, stuck on an impossibility. Parson Cham was alive and Teddy Ursa was a broken man.
Days spent of pirates, hours spent arguing about dumb childish things, and moments spent praying to no god that Parson Cham could come back to him. As the time passes, the victor of six stays against the wall as his mind wrestles with this fact. This truth that seems so impossible that he can't believe that he's not dreaming.
"I never thought I would be the first one to die, y’know."
Parson wouldn't.
His friend would live. Live a life that he could with messages sent to Angel that makes his insides burn just slightly. Live a life in Six working in the medical business, visiting his home, and being friends again. All it takes is the sound of the metal doors opening and the sounds of footsteps to tear Teddy Ursa away from it all. To tear him from the what ifs and the anger for the fallen who didn't have the same mercy as the 80th.
Instead, Theodore Ursa stands with unkempt hair and tattered clothes. Eyes glancing to the one and only Parson Cham in the flesh. It takes all of him to not walk over and beat the ever living shit out of him for the bullshit he pulled in the arena, but Teddy Ursa feels his heart hammering and his feet pushing forward as tears continue to appear on his face.
The walking turns into a run before he sprints into Parson, even without a leg he still could make it quicker than he expected, nearly knocking the both of them over in the process. Arms wrapped around Parson's torso as he pulls his friend in tighter and closer to him. The familiar scent of Parson Cham easing him into this reality before he speaks in that cracked voice that hasn't said much of a word to anyone.
"I-I...."
Chin tucked onto Parson's shoulder as he grounds himself in this hope, this mercy, this pain.
"Welcome home, Pan."
In this world, there are no victors.
Only victims.
Mercy doesn't exist.
Only suffering.
Except, in this moment, Teddy Ursa wasn't suffering.
He was living.
