bonnibal illy | four, fin

people think that my good marks make me special, like i'm meant to go on and do great things. i'm only 16, that's the truth. i make good grades because i've got a lot of downtime, and aunt maggie might just find it easier to believe i'm special than to think i might just not have many friends. it's not fair, not really. she couldn't have children of her own and after dad died and mom took to drinking, maggie saw me as a project for her to fix and now i'm just all out of sorts about what i'm meant to be doing practically all the time, and it's like i can't even explain myself because i'd be letting her down. and my mom, and my dad, and i guess it'd be letting down myself as well if i really think about it. but i don't want to go on and do great things. and i want to do the things i do... for me? or, i guess, if i had one wish it would be that i could live for myself and not have all this weight on my shoulders. not to mention, like i said, i don't have many friends, or at least not ones i actually like, and i'm a teenager for crying out loud. we base our entire mental psyche on whether people notice we finally got around to trimming a half-inch of split ends off our hair or not. we spend eighteen years of our lives convincing everyone that, for some reason, everything we are doin is for some sort of post-situational irony, like we aren't actually meant to enjoy things anymore or something.

aunt maggie thinks maybe i was born in the wrong time, either a bit too late or a bit too early. i personally think too late. the way things are going is rather scary really, and i rather think living in a time before all this would be far superior. but here i am. no sense worrying about any of that now, right? if you really think about it. i'm gonna do big things now, for sure. no matter what. i guess in a way, maybe they'll all be... proud of me?

are you even listening? blink if you're listening...

if i touch you will you move?

[...]

aH! you scared m- alright, alright! well then do you at least know how much longer they're going to be holding me here? oh come off it, i just heard you speak i know you're listening.





fine then.