river valencia | 11, cb

I think I have middle child syndrome. Or, I guess something like it, since I'm not technically a middle child. Although I do stand by what I said about my older sibling, Laik, over the holidays: he sucks up enough air out of a room for two people. I love him. He's my best friend. He just... can't help himself sometimes, you know? He's uncomfortable when things aren't about him.

I guess he's had a bit of a harder time than I have. I mean, don't get me wrong: I've hated discovering my own identity as much as the next person, but I don't know. I think he has a fear that he's a waste of space and his way of getting even is to take up as much of it as possible. That doesn't leave much for me. Honor roll, doesn't matter- Laik heard about a cheating scandal at school today. Job interview for work- missed entirely because Laik took almost an hour getting dressed. Really, being away from home is the only time I feel seen. That sounds a lot more sad than it is- I'm not trying to fish for sympathy here. I have friends who like me and, like I mentioned, I'm a good student. I have my head screwed on straight and all that stuff parents worry about. I just... I don't know. Sometimes I want to feel important, I guess. Or at least like there's some competition I don't know the rules to in which I'm losing. Heard. Seen by the people I want to be seen by most.

But it's good either way. It's vibes. I'm fine.

You know?