Shush, I Can't Hear You! - [OPEN]
Mar 3, 2012 11:32:27 GMT -5
Post by arx!! on Mar 3, 2012 11:32:27 GMT -5
My head aches as I roll over in bed. I can feel cold sweat beading on my forehead and on my upper lip. My mouth is sticky with saliva and my lips hurt as they crack from dryness. I sit up, dizzy with fever as I glance around for a canteen of water. I remember my dad bringing one in but my eyes just won't find it. Despite my throbbing head I throw my blankets off of me in anger and storm away from the bed. I throw the curtain leading to my dad's makeshift room open and start to throw my hands and fingers into signs, cursing him, but I find him gone. It is the middle of the night, but still he must be working. I throw the curtain shut and walk back to my bed, wiping sweat away from my head. I sit on the edge of my cot, which is now my bed, and hold my head in my hands. I look down, and find that a water bottle is lying between my feet. I clamp it in my hand and find it cold to the touch. I throw the cap away and gulp it down as quickly as I can, spilling it all down my chin and onto my chest. I throw the bottle aside as it empties, angry that I had stormed to my dad's room and cursed him for not bringing me a water that was right there with me the whole time.
What is wrong with me?
I toss my pillow aside, revealing the only things I brought with me from District 8. My sketchbook is on top of the small heap. It's crinkled paper has a unique texture to the touch and all my drawings are within, stowed away from the world. I pick up the book and in the small amount of moonlight the streams into the tent I can see the last picture I drew. It's of one of the miners here in District 1. I remember how long he stood in the same spot, unmoving, bandaged and in pain, but never flinching. He watched the sun sink over the mountains, leaning on his shovel, tears streaming down his face. He didn't seem to mind me, sitting, watching , drawing. Hoping to catch his sorrow and put it on the paper. But I couldn't. True pain and sorrow can never be captured by a picture. I toss the drawing back onto my bed and off my lap and reach for the pile of papers that I keep together in a rubber band. My mom hadn't written me since I said I was traveling to District 1, but that's mostly because at the moment, no one knows where I am. Or doesn't want to take the time to find me.
I pull her last letter from the stack and read it over. I hate how much she mentions her. Every letter, all the time. She pushes questions like "Do you miss her?", "Have you met someone new?", and "Is she really that irreplaceable?" I find my fist clamped around the small letter after I am done reading. I throw the pile of letters from the bed, angry, not at my mom, but at the world. The letters spill around the room as the rubber band snaps. I stand off my cot and roll it over, sending my sketchbook askew. I kick at the ground and let my knuckles fly through the air as I swing at nothing but the crisp air around the tent. I collapse to the ground, gasping for air through my sobs. Tears stream down my face and I scream, my vocal cords attempting to create noise when I almost never use them. I scream and scream and scream but still I hear nothing. All is quiet, as usual. My lungs hurt and tears fall down my cheeks as I collapse into the dusty ground beneath me. The dust sticks to back and face and hands as it meets the sweat on my body. I may or may not be whimpering, but how would I know? Why should I care? Why can't I just die?
I reach into my jeans pocket and find unfold the picture that is now starting to wear away. The colors are faded and in the dark it is hard to see. But it's Ember. I know it. I stand, folding it into a small square and sliding it back into my pocket. I dust off my pants and find a T-shirt lying on the ground and throw it over my sweaty, dust encrusted body. I wipe any dust from my hair and exit the tent, not caring to wipe my eyes. I hate the Capitol, the way it all works. The Hunger Games ... Why couldn't that be me running around for my life? Why couldn't I have been sentenced to death by the Capitol? Instead, it was the Raidan's this year. Brother and sister, suffering together, knowing only one can come home safe; If any at all. Why does the Capitol insist on ruining so many lives?
I sit outside amongst rows and rows of makeshift tents and look up at the stars and moon. I twiddle my thumbs, mesmerized by the beauty of it all. The air is cool, and makes me feel a bit better, the fever leaving me for the moment. It is dark out, and most of the rescued miners and other District workers must be asleep, or at least tucked away inside. I had hoped to be alone, but somehow I doubt that will happen. Someone is always there to ruin the moment.
Remember, always. The world will never change its ways.
Especially for a deaf boy like me.