now i am under all and it's b r e a k i n g over me a thousand miles down to the sea bed
I wrote them all down.
The 65th -
(24.) Eden Angelis - "Are you scared?" (23.) Vespasian Minix - ". . ." (22.) Linus Cohen - ". . ." (21.) Ivana Vox - ". . ." (20.) Sophia Landros - ". . ." (19.) Siana Felis - "Mantel, where are you?" (18.) Kyle Jones - "Am I glad to see you!" (17.) Darren Dublin - "If you see Emery, tell her that I died the way she said I was going . . ." (16.) Hope Woodards - "Do it, else it's just empty words . . ." (15.) Mantel Scoff - "Okay, I-I'm done." (14.) Brendon Halt - "Thanks, Uncle Arbor." (13.) Beatrice Birch - "VINNIE P-" (12.) Cerise Mephistopheles - "I can do you one better, though." (11.) Shadow Bison - "Bye for now, Cassie." (10.) Storm Jay - "And they all live happily ever after." (9.) Sticky Washington - "Jim, wake up!" (8.) Matilde Watson - "Oh!" (7.) Cassie Radke - "Cole, I want to come home." (6.) Jim McCoy - "Is that what they want?" (5.) Emery Moreno - "Tough luck." (4.) Iago Izar-McClaine - "Well . . . at least I won't have to worry so much about how I put on my shirts, now will I?" (3.) Lucy Peverell - "I think perhaps that equates to far too much bravery for just one kingdom." (2.) Ewe Saw - "I never stopped trying."
The 66th -
(24.) Keanu Frost - "Take a powerful swing and break her nose, do that for me, good luck bro, may the odds ever be in your favor." (23.) Thistle Cardo - "R-ready." (22.) Luke Davis - "I do." (21.) Mary Ellen Goulding - "Next time I think you should throw that axe at something a little more helpful . . . and not that tree." (20.) Mizar Roxen - "Tell Sam I love him, for me, because I'll never see him again." (19.) Hannah McEwen - "Wanna send me some stuff?" (18.) Aidin Grasswood - "Ah, tell Colgate, I believe, thanks." (17.) Aurora Villela - "" (16.) Henry Fleet - "YOU DID THIS!" (15.) Magenta Ryker - "I need someone to be happy." (14.) Moss Rose - "Only know you love her when you let her go, and you let her go." (13.) Argonite Shore - "I wish I had more to share with you." (12.) Claire Partridge - ". . . agh." (11.) Ari Newton - "Anni, A-An-ni, An-" (10.) Savannah Carey - "I'll show you how." (9.) Eye Saw - "YEAH WELL FUCK YOU." (8.) Ares Pine - "" (7.) Claude Aeger - "Lyric, oh Lyric, where are you?" (6.) Anni Dorst - "Don't-" (5.) Lyric Woulf - "I am so so sorry." (4.) Francesca Levroux - "I want to go home." (3.) Willis Keeni - "Kill me." (2.) Laila Sycamore - "And I thought I was being dramatic."
The 67th -
(24.) Cadman Gertz - "No, no, no." (23.) Marianne Taylor - ". . ." (22.) Cystine Crystal - ". . ." (21.) Eira Craft - ". . ." (20.) Luna Shim - "I hated you." (19.) Jix Everwild - "Take me away, I'm free." (18.) Future Stine - "Not that I don’t enjoy a good fight, but usually I kill, the others suffer." (17.) Darius Radler - "Horseshoes, anyone?" (16.) Tiger Chautin - "No-" (15.) Nocturne Vargas - "I didn't mean to let you-" (14.) Jacinda Zembori - "Promise me you'll-" (13.) Jem Morgan - "Mhm." (12.) Aelia Vanderwell - "You can't kill me!" (11.) May Rhodes - "I need to find my district partner." (10.) Dan Johnwayne - "Hey Elya." (9.) Gavin Barker - "And then I want to see Rowan." (8.) Ingrid Elwyn - "It's been fun." (7.) Sonja Arcopello - "Potato, one . . . one last thing . . . thank . . ." (6.) Owen Bowers-Fox - "Shame on me, I suppose." (5.) Erebus Turner - "I'm sick of it- leave me ALONE!" (4.) Potato Earnest - "Always." (3.) Charlotte Brownings - "You're a fucking bitch." (2.) Siren Baitwell - "You can see him again when you're dead!"
The 68th - (24.) Meghan Cooper - ". . ." (23.) Kia Soul - "We'll be fine!" (22.) Zelphyr - "Agh!" (21.) Ryin Sileece - "I . . . forgive-" (20.) Emery Wilton - "Watch it, July, please, you hit me." (19.) Jay Krearns - "I hate you." (18.) Kendrick Draper - "I'll make sure you remember me for the rest of your fuckin' life." (17.) Kirk Marshall - "I got more than enough for all of y'all lily livered yella bellies!" (16.) Animus Valentine - "It's not fair!" (15.) Valerie Leotos - "Fine, come and get it." (14.) Jim Deer - "I'm really tired of the dark, aren't you?" (13.) Asa Reau - "Deal with it." (12.) July Cartwright - "Love you." (11.) Barnabus Stroud - "Cause I . . . I dunno . . . dunno if I can . . ." (10.) Blaire Sycamore - "Stop!" (9.) Esme Truus - "I AM NOT A HORRIBLE PERSON!" (8.) Tauankia Ojai - "Time to go, dearie." (7.) Cha Leviane - "Am I a murderer?" (6.) Pearl Millison - "I'm sorry too." (5.) Stella Calloway - "Finn, I just don't want to die alone." (4.) Crusader Rhodes - "Did you . . ." (3.) Fionbharr Stoddard - "Please." (2.) Galaxy Rose-Clements - "Everything's gotta be about you."
The 69th -
(24.) Velocity Rush - "I could never leave you." (23.) Dillon Hartman - "Guys . . ." (22.) Hedvig Fabre - "Let's go!" (21.) Levi Izar-Krane - "Hey, get out of the way!" (20.) Zeki Webb - "I'm so sorry." (19.) Kolton Enim - "I'm sorry too . . ." (18.) Bree Fawn - "Come and get me, mutts." (17.) Daphne Riot - "Death buddies, till the end, right." (16.) Mystic Trotter - "I love you." (15.) Gaia Cross - ". . ." (14.) Quartz Caplin - "I'm sorry." (13.) Jordan Scoff-Reye - "Wh-what?" (12.) Jeff Ryder - "I don't want to die!" (11.) Elverum Troshaldr - "I'm not leaving a friend alone-" (10.) Mason Hammerfell - "Thanks Prism." (9.) Alexis Rondhal - "A feast." (8.) Wyatt Manderson - "Guess someone in the capitol likes me, too." (7.) Pixie Ruined - "If you have a heart-" (6.) Prism Nixton - "Yes Mom, I think I am." (5.) Marchello Donner - "St-stay with me." (4.) Chaske Parks - "One, two, three, four, five, six, sev-" (3.) Ellexias Verisity - "I killed my own friend." (2.) Margaret DuBois - "Enjoy your time living in a world of dead men walking, Katelyn Persimmon."
The 70th -
(24.) Elya Johnwayne - "Oh." (23.) Rowan Combe - "Mom?" (22.) Noah Bowers - "The hell even is that?" (21.) Maya Xiaoqing - "It's dead." (20.) Abel MacLauren - "I like jokes." (19.) Simon Karnes - "At least then there's a chance at happily ever after, right?" (18.) Rhyme Morales - "One of you bitches better win . . . and tell Ruckus and Rhythm I love them." (17.) Gabrielle O'Dale - "Brienne!" (16.) Geo Venn - "Sorry." (15.) Olivia Revenue - "Imp . . . no?" (14.) Nat Krigel - ". . . Home?" (13.) Stella Summit - "And perhaps I was always too loyal to you, that even when you were killing me- I still refused to leave your side-" (12.) Imp Stole - "Death it is, I'm sorry darling, its nothing personal." (11.) Gunner La Torre - "So let's play a game." (10.) Tybalt Capulet - "I will burn your kingdom to the ground, little girl, you will regret the day you tried to make me a subject." (9.) Lily Hope - "Goodbye Preston, Eva, Paige." (8.) Asher Rainer - "And I promise it won't be pretty." (7.) Sue Tate - "Got ya." (6.) Preston Garrity - "Get me away from him." (5.) Circe Lyon - "I’m a liar and a murderess, but you can make me immortal." (4.) Orion Hammerfell - "You'd trade my life for any of theirs." (3.) Kiena Ward - "Okay." (2.) Wyatt O'Connor - "I’m begging you for only a second more- I just need another minute here."
The 71st -
(24.) Draco Wellings - ". . ." (23.) Paige Hope - "Happy birthday, Lily." (22.) Hannah O'Leary - "This is my perihelion; I have never been so close to the warmth of hope." (21.) Odile Quintanilla - "Tell my mom . . . 'fuck you.'" (20.) Leo Everitt - "Please, leave me alone!" (19.) Leticia Tibideaux - "We're gonna have to wade through it." (18.) Saxton Hale - "Do you taste blood?" (17.) Rodrick Benstaloe - "Go stab a bitch." (16.) Taurus Hawk - "My - bell." (15.) Cody Bowers-Fox - "I told them that the system would be the one to beat me." (14.) Neptune Liefde - "Tell them to kick some ass for me." (13.) Annora Taylor - "Someith, I'm a fucking werewolf." (12.) Jequirity Eckhart - "That's all I ask." (11.) Dustyn Chase - "I knew you'd be the one to-" (10.) Ruth Foster - "I'll kill you myself in our next life if you don't." (9.) Chloe Angor - "Forgive me." (8.) Kitty Keeni - "Please." (7.) Tyler Westbrook - "Well, come and get it then, bitch." (6.) Daria Staite - "Please." (5.) Beretta Corleon - "What are you-" (4.) Someith Krearns - "You are nothing." (3.) Septys Lexig - "What's a" King to a God?" (2.) Heather Tenley - "I need the truth."
The 72nd - (24.) Andestite Obsidian - "Screw you, Flynn." (23.) Lemon Cake - "Thank you for everything." (22.) Carrita Nessege - "Maybe I will see you again one day." (21.) Delta Castley - "Please." (20.) Quadrys Lexig - "I'll be there soon." (19.) Timothy Feldon - "Listen!" (18.) Cecelia Brontz - "Ia . . . in." (17.) Dane Allore - "We're not alone." (16.) Amerika Eckhart - "GET AWAY!" (15.) Insanis Keeni - "What the-" (14.) Basil Anatola - "But I- we need you to keep fighting." (13.) Scout Fray - "I didn't think it was that obvious." (12.) Hettie Cheyne - "No, I am just saving the best for last." (11.) Eryn Sconoscuito - "Not enough blood for you?" (10.) Noelia Tibideaux - "" (9.) Iain Miristioma - "" (8.) Sol Shim - "" (7.) Nell Locke - "" (6.) Celia Mortuus - "" (5.) Kite Tide - "" (4.) Astrid Shaw - "" (3.) Danny Brooker - "" (2.) Ezero Laffan - ""
Sometimes my pen would tremble against the paper and the words would come out jagged and thick and dark as a void. They terrify me, these lines on paper. These words are death. These words are agony.
But I have woven them into me, because death and agony should never be forgotten.
found the place to rest my head never let me g o never let me go n e v e r let me go never let me go
though the pressure's hard to take it's the only way i can escape it seems a heavy choice to make and now i am u n d e r all
I never knew my father, but I hear that he was a liar, a cheater, and a scoundrel- yet my mother loved him so. She must have seen the demons dancing in his eyes and mistaken their horns for a halo, or perhaps she saw the darkness he had draped across his shoulders, stark and clear, but couldn't help but let it entice and entangle her.
Darkness is a beautiful creature. Its magnificence is alike to the stars. When it is generous, it surrounds them, cradles them in its arms like a savior. But darkness is a greedy creature, and sometimes, it engulfs them and spills itself across everything there is to see.
Darkness is a cruel creature. I know its nature; I am familiar with the bittersweet taste of its venom. It is intoxicating, to have it fill your mouth and trickle down your throat like thick molasses. It is as bitter as whiskey and burns just as much, but as sweet as honey.
I once asked, out of naive curiosity, about my father- what his name is, who he is, where he is. She told me he is named Coen Krigel and that it was better if I did not know him. She told me that I look enough like him to be his ghost. And she did not dare spill another word after that. I did not ask again, but I have have heard the whispers and decided that they were enough.
When I was ten, I found drawings of him at the bottom of my mother's drawer, and I flinched, for it was true that I look enough like him to be his ghost- perhaps I am. I could have sworn they were real photographs until I saw the careful, fine lines of pencil coloring in my father's features.
Mother saw me and snatched them from my hands. She said nothing. She did not need to speak words for my hear to turn to lead and sink- her eyes were enough, and she knew it to be so.
Sometimes, I will go down to the sea shore and sit and listen to the waves crash against the rocks and the beach, and imagine that I have a better father than a deadbeat. I will sit in silence and solitude, bathe myself in it, drink it all in- it is a treasure. The ocean will whisper to me, and I will listen, and watch the white tufts of cloud drift across the sky.
I collect seashells burrowed into the sand, still drenched from high tide. (I am a collector, by design, of words and seashells- precious things.) They say the ocean can be heard if you press a seashell to your head- it is true. Sometimes I keep them with me and listen to the roar of the sea when I cannot embrace it. I am a child of the sea, and I am often homesick.
I like to sit on the dock and read books, immerse myself in fantasy and pretend it is reality. It will all unfold in my head and expand for hours, until the lanterns are all the light left by the waves that lap at my feet, and the darkness of night pushes me home.
From my window, I watch the storms stir the sea and churn the sky. Chaos does not scare me- I savor tranquility and calm, but I am no stranger nor foe to chaos and peril. The thunder and lightning wrecking the skies do not send me stricken with sheer terror. They fascinate me, they evoke this strange, manic wonder from deep down- and I can hardly peel my gaze off of the wounds they have struck into the flesh of the heavens.
This kind of destruction is beautiful.
and it's b r e a k i n g over me a thousand miles down to the sea bed found the place to rest my head
and it's o v e r and i'm going under but i'm not giving up i'm just giving in i'm slipping underneath so c o l d and so sweet
"Do not look, Iso."
I didn't- until my curiosity overcame my willpower. I only meant to glance, but I found that my eyes betrayed me, and I could not look away.
I watched. Everything. From the bloodbath to the finale. I was watching when Eden Angelis was torn and slashed and ripped at her very seams. I remember the blood, how it was painted across the ground as if the slaughter was meant to be art- and it was, to the Capitol. It dried, but it clung to the blades of grass as rust clings to steel.
(24.) Eden Angelis - "Are you scared?"
No doubt, no doubt.
But I peeled my eyelids open and held them there with rigid hands.
I was listening when Iago Izar-McClaine taught me what death truly was- "You . . . you know what death is, Emery? It's being alone forever." (But Emery didn't die. She was not alone when her lungs succumbed to stillness and silence.)
I was consumed in the moment when Saffron Lowe screamed to drown out the echoes of theirs; her voice was a flame, and it ignited everything my hands could touch- beyond that, even. Perhaps she felt them- their souls, the pieces of them, weaving themselves into every fiber of her. I felt it, too, but I did not scream. I did not want to drown anything.
My eyes widened when I saw them turn to ash on a screen. I never understood death until I saw the rain. It was red, red and thick and awful. It drenched everything, from the heavens to the earth.
When they died, I think they became a piece of me. I think their souls split into seemingly infinite pieces and dispersed into the air to find.
I was seven years old when I began my collection. I stashed them in the back of my mind, until I felt the distance between myself and them. So I made them a part of me- I carved them into the walls of my skull, into my heart, into my very being.
(4.) Potato Earnest - "Always."
They will always be a part of me- because I couldn't bear for them to be forgotten.
They deserved to take another breath, to take another heartbeat. And so they breathe through me, they live through me; we are one. They are my flesh, my blood, my bone.
I have heard that I have a soul keeper for a brother, and the proof is in my surname and the shadow of the father we share. When they crowned him king of the blood, I began to hear the whispers, surrounding me like a sea.
["The Krigel girl-"
"Who is she?"
"She's kin of the new victor- either that or it's a ridiculous coincidence."
"How can it be?"
"It may be nothing at all. Just a coincidence."]
And when Nat Krigel's head was stolen from his body, the whispers only grew from a sea to the air around me- it was like I couldn't breathe. My last name was a shadow, a red flag over my head. My father cursed me with it- his blood as well.
["Her- she's a Krigel."
"Nat and Leon's relative? Her?"
"No, she can't be."]
They were much more than a sea.
and the arms of the ocean so s w e e t and so cold and all this devotion i never knew at all
and the crashes are h e a v e n for a sinner released and the arms of the ocean d e l i v e r e d me
It was light, but it was not benevolence. It was light, but it was dark. It was warm- like the sun on my skin by the ivory shore- but it was cold. And cruel. And callous. I had heard the tales of sea monsters and sirens, but this was something much more beastly, much more heinous. The sea is a friend; I could never fear the children of the ocean, my brothers, my sisters.
This creature is no friend of mine.
I awakened to the dark of midnight trickling into my room from the window. Five seconds- they were short, but they struck hard- and I knew I was not alone. There was a company, uninvited and unsparing. It cackled, like a classic villain in a storybook. (It reminded me of how I imagined the laughter, riddled with malice, of an evil queen to sound.) It did not burn my flesh, but its light burned my eyes. Tears welling up in my eyes blurred my vision- it was like different hues paint smeared together by a vigorous hand.
There was an army all around me, and as sweat beaded along my forehead and dripped down to my temples like morning dew on a blade of grass, I knew they were closing in. A barrel of a gun would have surely been pressed against my skull within moments.
(I am a child of the sea; flames are no friend to me.)
My eyes, straining for sight, found a break in their linked arms- and I bolted, after snatching my journal from the beside table, with thunder in my head and kicked the window until it shattered beneath my foot. I launched myself into the trees, glass raking its claws across my flesh and tearing into my clothes on the way out.
Everything stood still for a moment. I watched the flames consume the place I called home (it ate it all up, but it forgot to destroy the memories), and felt the lead in my chest grow, for I knew it was too late for my mother.
I climbed down from my high perch and screamed for help until my vocal cords shattered and my lungs collapsed within my chest.
. . .
I was taken to the orphanage by a woman I did not know after the fire had been put out and all that was left was the remains- the ash, charred wood and bone, the smoke that rose into the air like great storm clouds, the agony- and me and my journal of last, broken words and my broken, broken heart.
The children looked like ghosts- perhaps I do, too, now. They had sullen faces and sunken hearts- perhaps I do, too, now. It is an old, grand house, turned into a business for shattered dreams, with creaky floorboards and groaning doors. There is something eerily haunting about the orphanage and all that surrounds it, from the shutters with peeling paint to the dim lights to the dusty, antique furniture, to the gardens of thorny roses to the barren trees with branches like long, bony fingers, that scratch against the windows in the night. There are echoes here- I just can't seem to make out exactly what they are and who they came from.
It is here I awaken, swathed in shadow and gray, every morning, every day.
(19.) Simon Karnes - "At least then there's a chance at happily ever after, right?"
No. No, there isn't.
never let me go never let me go never let me g o never let me go d e l i v e r me
and it's o v e r never let me go, never let me go and i'm going u n d e r never let me go, never let me go
She is the little lion, bold and burning with courage. Strong as stone and passionate as fire at heart, when she whispers, it is a roar. She is the gentleness of the sea, but the chaos, too. And the ocean knows no master, no control. Its daughter is no different.
There are iron fists behind her back. She is the gentleness of the sea, but the chaos, too. She is thunder when she is enraged, but she is the silence and tranquility of still, still water. Iron fists and a sharp wit lie beneath her childish wonder and recluse nature. So deeply buried, they are not often pulled to the surface- but know if their existence, know that beneath every lamb is a lion.
Spitting image of her father, she seems to consider herself cursed. Her mother has drawings of him hidden at the bottom of her drawer that Iso once found. If they had not been colored with pencils, it would have appeared to be a real photograph.
His hair sprouts from her scalp and trickles in golden rivulets down to back. It flows in soft waves, touched by a bit of the ruggedness of the wind laced with sea salt. She has the harshness of his brows and his sharper facial structure, softened out by her mother's. He was bronzed from years beneath the sun by the sea. The sun has kissed he and his daughter deeply, painted once fair skin golden.
But she does not bear his eyes. They are not a pair of sapphires embedded into the hollows of her skull. They are a great pair of sea-green pools, shadowed by a fringe of dark eyelashes. And they do not hold the same glint of peril as her mother claimed her father's did. They are gentle, like a soft summer breeze, but intense and soul-piercing as a dagger.
Little lion, little lion, daughter of the sea.
but i'm not giving up never let me go, never let me go i'm just giving i n never let me go, never let me go i'm slipping u n d e r n e a t h