A L I C E ღ N O R M A N ┇ D 8 ┇ F I N

If I had a world of my own, everything would be nonsense
Nothing would be what it is, because everything would be what it isn't

She does drugs for the high. Don't everybody, though? Perhaps that's true, but with her it's a little different. The high, for her, brings her closer to the world she wants to live in. Ain't there only this one world? Not to her, and not to those who live with her. For Alice, there is another world, and it's her favourite place. How can it be her favourite if she's never been there? She has been there, she just can't live there. I don't get it. Then let me tell you a bit more about Alice.

Alice is a seventeen year old girl. Of course, she wasn't always seventeen. When she was very young she lived with a single mother in the poor area of the district. I can see where this is going. Please, don't interrupt. Alice's mother tried her best to take care of her only child, a daughter that she valued above her own life, but when Alice was beginning to starve even when her mother gave up nearly all of her own food to her, she knew she had to do something more drastic. As the saying goes, if you love them let them go. So, when Alice was barely more than six, her mother gave her up to the orphanage. So, she abandoned her so that she could have more. No, she gave her up so Alice could have more. Why would she do that? Because she loved her. Now, please, don't interrupt.

Left in a strange place at a young age, and not understanding that her mother had made the larger sacrifice of the two of them - much like you, in fact. Hey! Hush, it was a joke. Either way, Alice was taken in by the people who ran the orphanage and immediately resented them for not being her mother. When she caused enough of a fuss, they put her in a room with the other "problem children" all of whom were around her age. Are these the friends you mentioned before? Yes, they are, how astute of you. Alone and surrounded by new faces, the poor girl became quite frightened. She was thrown into the problem room, of course she was frightened. While that may be true, there is also the fact that change is a scary thing, especially when you have no control over that change.

The strangest thing about the room she was placed in was that the walls were blank white, and there wasn't a clock to be found anywhere. Even alarm clocks were taken away. There were no schedules, or chores, or anything to be done in any sort of timeline. The children were left almost entirely to their own devices and never taught anything beyond speech. Some of them knew how to read, some of them didn't, and none of them knew how to tell time even if they had a clock. Here, they were almost entirely separated from the world. They were stuck in this room for years, until the orphanage staff deemed they were old enough to be able to wander outside on their own - for they were never given any supervision.

Alice was the last of the group to arrive in the problem room, and as such she was the one left to take the last open bed - the one by the door. Even the youngest of all of them, the little girl the others referred to as the White Rabbit, or Rabbit, had had the choice between at least two beds. Still, for Alice this was a luxury because she had never had a bed to herself before. Her mother and her had shared one, with an old lumpy mattress and old linens that were patched in more than a few places. That bed spread had more life in it than the one that was provided for her, though, as - like everything in this room initially - it was stark white and stiff with starch.

Things started to change after the children were let out, though, and little splashes of colour from a clipped flower or a stolen trinket were added to the room. These tiny spots of colour ignited Alice's imagination - which had always been strong - and she began spinning a tale that tied them all together. She was alone in her private story, living in a world that was so much more colourful and fun than this one. Unknowingly, she had created the escape for herself that she had never known she had wanted. As more bobbles were added, her story grew. Eventually, she spent more time huddled under her covers, living in her dream world, than she did with the other children. It took some time before they realized that something was wrong - she had always been very silent and so extended silences were not uncommon for her. Still, spending most of the day separated from everyone was different for her.

When the confronted her about it she was embarrassed. For so long she had hidden this world, a habit that was hard to break, and now she felt silly about the entire thing. After some cajoling, and encouragements from the boy they now call the Caterpillar, and the girl now known as the Cheshire Cat, Alice eventually told them all. Each reacted differently, but most of them were rather indifferent to it. The Caterpillar, though, told everyone that he liked the idea of Alice's world and that he wanted to be invited in to share it with her. Alice, along with the others, took a lot of convincing before all of them wanted to share the world with one another.

Things became brighter after that. Each of the children embodied a character that was a dramatized version of who they wanted to be. The only person that stayed true to herself was Alice, though each child was very clearly like the role they took up. Together, they built Alice's world up further, until a conversation about the name broke out. The Queen of Hearts, always bitter about someone else getting credit when she wasn't, said that the place they all went to shouldn't be known as Alice's world any longer, since it wasn't just Alice who lived there. This started a debate, which had some interesting input from the Mad Hatter and the Cheshire Cat. Eventually, they reached the conclusion that they would call it Wonderland, and that from now on they would always live like they were in Wonderland, for who was there to say that they didn't?

Wonderland held its appeal for some time, gripping their minds almost constantly as they worked in every detail of their lives so that it would fit with the universe they had created. Their lives were part of a story they were writing, that they were in control of and no one else. All decisions were made by them. However, as many things that children like do, the draw fell away from Wonderland. The children, growing up into teenagers, began experiencing the world differently. Alice, out of all of them, was the only one that really held onto Wonderland - aside from the White Rabbit, who the rest of them deemed young and immature. For nearly a year, Alice and Rabbit were the only two who went back to Wonderland. After then, even Rabbit had given up on the fantasy, and went back to making schedules and trying to keep up with them. Alice was left alone, as she had started.

This was about the time that the Caterpillar discovered drugs. Unsupervised, and never warned about the dangers out there in the world, he began experimenting with anything offered to him. One day, he returned to the room and the others, eyes red and pupils dilated, to talk wildly at anyone who looked at him. He was in Wonderland, he said, actually in Wonderland. As always, the group was hard to convince, but as he told them about what he was seeing - he had taken some sort of hallucinogenic or narcotic - they eventually wanted to see as he did. He offered the drug to Alice first, saying that it was her right to see Wonderland for real before the others. Indulging, she experienced her first high, and her first actual trip to wonderland.

From there, she became addicted to drugs. Only a number of months later, alcohol was discovered - a favourite of the Mad Hatter - and between that and the teas he brewed, everyone spent a lot of time exploring Wonderland like they had never experienced it before. In that one action, the Caterpillar had returned all of their beliefs and hopes about Wonderland. Now, able to live in Wonderland for hours at a time, all of the children - who are not so much children anymore - are able to go back to the one place that made them truly happy. Using stolen paint, they decorated the walls of the room to match Wonderland's bright colours. They stole or bought - usually with stolen money - things to liven up the room. Individual bedspreads were obtained to show the personality of the owner. Overall, the place looked lived in like it never had before.

And Alice? How is she now? Alice is a drug addict, illiterate, and doesn't have any sort of real education. However, she has an imagination that rivals the youngest child and the peace of knowing she's somewhere she belongs. So, she's happy? Oh yes, she's quite happy.

And contrariwise, what it is it wouldn't be
And what it wouldn't be it would
You see?