m o r t i m e r / / peacekeeper

Life's just one dice roll away from falling apart, y'know? 

It's just like that sometimes, you've got your battleaxe in the training room in your left hand and there's a red scale night stalker between you and your partners. Aspen's on the ground bleeding in the v.r., but it's all so real in your brain, every decision counts in a way because they have to. They matter when there's a consequence that one of them will die; if I had to bet, it would probably be Nax. Prim's too smart, too quick, if he ever went down first, I don't know how the rest of us would keep it going. 

We're not useless, we just rely on him. Like, a backbone of sorts, ever since the four of us got put together. Aspen and Ish are good with survival: tracking and making it to the next night, great with directions, I'm proud of those kids! Nax is a buckshot in the dark and I ain't much better, I can't lie. Prim's got the rest covered, he's the one that passes the information on to the other authorities. 

Maybe Nax is the one who keeps things interesting, a foot and a half shorter than me and full of surprises, full of anger or something. Maybe it's because he's so short! Yeah, that would explain that - don't put too much weight on that thought, I don't know. Not for sure anyways, we're still learning how we work as a team. 

Part of me's certain that we might not; that I'm just a shield of meat for these kids. Not every team works- people slip up and make mistakes and dig a few graves. I've never been scared of that; that grim reality that I'm just another casualty waiting to happen. Reckless and raging and full of intuition, what happens happens. Maybe that's what my whole purpose is, y'know? I overthink and get nervous until I can't any more, and then I just do things. 

Talk too much, laugh too much -- I think I'm more nervous for them than anything else. I mean, I know I'll die eventually, we all will! My life's on the line to protect these kids and I feel like in a way, I can take it physically more than them. Sit in the back and hype them up until I've gotta lay the Mort machine out, better me than them. 

At least I've got God on my side! 

It's the craziest part of leaving home behind and coming to the academies; everybody's got their own life. I mean, obviously, that's a fuckin' given, but it's near surreal to come from my own commune from five and learn how much insane shit is going on in the world. There's only one major religion in Panem- Ripred and his brainless followers. There's no pantheon, no reason, he just exists for a name and I'm still strugglin' to understand it.

Kelemvor's just, y'know, laid back! I talk about him like an old friend and I think we've just got that kind of relationship, you know? It's none of the insane bells and whistles, K-Daddy is out there underneath the ground, and you'll meet him when you die. Easy as that, sure he throws out a sign or too, hates a few people -- there's no such thing as second chances with him. 

It's just- you live or you die. 

Really, how complicated is that?

I overthink enough as there is, anyways. Growing up in the grave circle out in five, we sustained on our own; I was the biggest kid, so I did the brunt of the work- again, simple. I'd pick up my axe and chop those thin trees, and I'd carry the wood in a pull wagon along with Razzie, my uncle. We'd work for the greater good, and we'd work until we died, and when we died, Kelemvor would toss us in some pile of ash and we'd be happy with it. 

And that's the thing, you only die when it's your time. There's no close calls, no second chances -- you either live, or you die. If you're out in the open field, bleeding your guts out and a bird's pecking your eyes out, and you come back from that? Congrats! That's life, baby, pick yourself up from your bootstraps and keep going. 

And if you don't make it? 

Well, okay. That's a little awkward. 

Anyways, I think I've just been struggling to hold onto how simple that used to be. How simple life used to be, back before I had become we and one became four- became five, when Ish joined. I joined the work force after Razzie died, he wanted me to see the world some. Fought with the elders in his last breaths after getting rammed by a deer -- I killed that fucker too! Axed its head clean off and took the antlers and made a crown for Aspen later on. I've never taken good people being hurt well; maybe I'm just a defensive person. 

Always on the defense, slow but ready. 

My uncle wanted me to go out, and see the world that he always read about. From before the dark days, before everything was closed off and at the time, the only thing that allowed travelling was being a peacekeeper. Before all the permit talk, I'm a little upset I missed it, haha. I try my best to be a peacekeeper, to do the right thing. 

To be a good person, but Kelemvor kill me all, it's hard sometimes. It's easy to ignore it, sometimes. I'd dance in my socks in my apartment floor, piano ringing down from the floor beneath me. I never asked who played the music, only enjoyed it when it happened. Eating cereal out of a cup because I've been too lazy to washes the dishes - I don't have a roommate! 

It's fucking great too, I can't say I've seen much in the world but it has been nice getting to exist on my own. To be alone for once, no matter how challenging all the change may be. I'd light a candle and sing love ballads to people I've never met before! And I love it, I love the idea of love -- how warm life can be, even when you're fighting for it all.  

It's such a beautiful thing, realizing how much life was truly worth. There's a piece of the commune I always carry in me, I guess, that work til I die toughness. It was all about strength, physicality, not just being able to grapple an elephant and rip the tusks out its face, but letting everybody else know that you can. Aspen and Prim, they don't always agree with that, but hell, they're alright! 

But that's all good, we're still learning each other. I don't like the way Nax sleeps with his eyes open half the time, but I still love the kid for being the same half-wit breed as me. We're all just brothers at the end of the day, boys under the same badge, and for better or for worse we're stuck together as a team. 

Mort, Prim, Nax, Aspen, Ish. We got slapped together through some sorta averaging system, I was a year behind in training and Prim had been pretty high up there on his. It's not even that I'm bad, or irresponsible, or stupid, or not the best speaker or whatever else, I'm just not applying myself most of the time. 

I've always been terrible at taking things seriously -- maybe it's the family mentality. We work none stop, up until the day where Kelemvor takes us, so instead we live while we work. It's how it is- it's how life is, you're happy while you can be and try to hold it all together.

Life's too chaotic and good to take it so seriously. 

It's a severed hell hound head in the package deliveries, and it's entering an illegal fight ring on a mission in district twelve, and it's the way Prim looks at you when you help him off the ground, and it's Aspen throwing rocks at the captured mutts. We're all just trying to make our way through it all, Ish is running mail between the districts and Nax is trying to fight a victor in the corner. 

And I'm just trying to dance, dude, c'mon, come join me already, bro!