gavin hale || district 5 || CB ! Fin

They're always telling you you're better than you are. The glare from those bright, hopeful eyes is blinding and you're so fucking spiteful. Those uplifting smiles go heavy on your shoulders, the weight of their expectations bruise but no one will ever see the marks left by their love upon you. It's more than sad, it's an ache that runs bone deep. Too painful for words. You're distant in spite of the way you've always craved the sensation of skin against skin.

You're sure you could be better than you are. Like needles through callouses, you're superficial. Not here to be remembered, another nameless face in a watercolor crowd. You hate yourself for it, but you hate them too. Of course, they don't deserve that but it's not like you're very smart anyway. Maybe it's all your fault things ended up like this.

Sometimes you're not even sure you're real. Insignificant except for when you're with him. Chap's a fucking spotlight but all you've ever known is the shadow he casts. If the way your chest burns when you look at him is love, you're almost certain it's never been for you. 'Cause no one gives a shit about who you are without him and god, he makes you feel insignificant.

But he loves you, he loves you so much. That might be the only thing you're sure of anymore. It's painfully apparent in every sweet nothing he's ever uttered, in the way he looks at you before each kiss. And you want to mean it when you say I love you too, but you never have. You've made yourself into a helluva liar, Hale.

Anything to be seen, anything to feel the spotlight burn blisters into your skin. You've always wanted a captive audience well here they are, handed to you by the man you don't love on a silver fucking platter.

Smile, hun, you should be grateful.

"my mind's like a deadly disease"