Incandescence Behind Rage (Tori)[Finished]

Carter was never one to start conversations or anything of the sort. And he hated the thought of people getting her. So when some people went to go congradulate the tributes on being chosen, he excused himself from the crowd. He did not consider the games to be a good thing. It was an awful event that killed 23 children about his age every year. Twenty-three garenteed deaths. As if enough people in his district didn't starve to death.

He made his way through the crowd, with Haymer tagging alone. No doubt his sister and parents were on their way home. They normally did not like him to go wandering around by hisself, but Carter needed some times alone after these events. He reached his hand down and patted his dog on the head. Haymer was always there for him.

A moment later Haymer took off barking for some reason. "Haymer!" Carter shouted before sprinting after him. "Haymer!" After two minutes, he finally caught up to him. Haymer was standing by a girl wagging his tail and trying to lick her. What just happened? Carter wasn't good a conversing, but he still felt the need to apologize, or try to. "S-sorry. Don't know w-what got into him." Carter pulled a leash from his pocket and hooked it onto Haymer's collar.

The girl seemed friendly enough, but Carter knew she was humouring him. She was just trying not to freak out that a dog had ran over and jumped on her, or at least that what his mind was making him believe. "Umm.. yeah, you c-can pet him." Her next question was a little unexpected. She tried to strike up conversation by asking what Haymer's name was. Carter smiled at her, she had picked a topic he could actually talk about.

"His name is Haymer." Carter prattled on, not stubbling over words because he liked to talk about his dog. "I'm not sure how old he is or what kind of dog he is, but he's my best friend. I resuced him when I was little actually. Found him in a sinkhole. But I got a rope and found a way of pulling him out. Do y-you have any pets?"

Carter was unsure in asking the girl a question. He had never really talked this much to anyone before as his parents never let him out often. He wondered if they were looking for him right now. It didn't matter, he was enjoying his freedom. And with Haymer around, nothing was going to happen. Carter let the girl pet Haymer a little longer before he pulled on Haymer's collar. "Let her be, boy." he nudged the dog. Addressing the girl shyly he asked, "S-so what's your name?"

Carter tried hard to remember if he had any clsses with her at school, but he couldn't remember. He only knew Trisha's. The girl he had a crush on. "I'm Carter." He didn't bother telling her his lastname. Carter was afraid she would start calling him Lang like some people did. He didn't know why they shortened his last name to that.

The girl asked Carter is he thought she was scary because he kept stuttering. He opened his mouth in an attempt to answer but nothing came out. Carter felt bad for making her feel like that and he didn't want her to think that about herself. Mustering up his courage he spoke quickly, staring at the ground. "No. No, you're not scary. You're actually quite pretty. It's ju-just I'm not used to talking to people a lot. I don't have friends and I've never been close to anyone but my family. I gues I'm ju-just shy."

He looked up at her to see is she was mad at him, or to she is she understood. Carter started to worry that she might think him weird since he didn't have any friends. "I didn't mean to make you feel that way, I'm sorry." He hoped his apology was alright. He liked this girl. Maybe that was because she was one of the only people he had talked to in the district, but he couldn't help but imagine them being friends in his mind.

"I-I hope you don't think me weird. I just don't normally like talking to people. And I never really go off on my own mush, so this is new to me. I bet you have lots of friends though, huh?" Carter thought she seemed like the type of girl who would have a lot of friends? She seemed rather straight forward and very friendly. "Pystan is a nice name." he added quietly. Carter was a boring one. He wondered if she had a nickname, but didn't ask. He probably wouldn't use it anyways. Carter thought that by shortening someone's name, they lost a part of them selves, so he rarely did it.

"You suppose?" Carter couldn't help but wonder how someone could 'suppose' they had friends. Did that mean she didn't know? How could someone not know that? You either did or didn't. Take Carter for instance. He knew he didn't have any friends at all. That was fact. But he knew that Haymer was his best friend. He wasn't so sure that counted though since Haymer was a dog.

"Really?" He answered to her response about his name. "I actually used to want to be a teacher when I was little. But I know I can't be one. Want did you want to be?" Carter stopped suddenly, remembering something Pystan had said earlier. Something about her being a career? In district three? "Wait. D-did you say you were a career earlier? Does that mean you'd w-want to go into the games?"

Carter was shocked, and suprised. He hated the games. He couldn't even fatham the idea of someone wanting to go in the games that wasn't in district one, two, or four. How could this girl who seemed so nice and honest want to die? Because the games almost always mean certain death. Hadn't the reaping ment something to her today?

Indeed, Carter did not understand what she meant about friends. He had never had that kind of connection and was never able to have a deep relationship with anyone, but he nodded all the same. At her comment about him being a teacher, he replied politely. "Well, I know it won't happen because one must be good with people. Which, y-you can see, I'm not." Carter knew that that was an important factor. "You have to be able to connect with students and be able to form that bond. I don't know how to do that."

Pystan went on about how the girl who was reaped today stole Pystan's chance. But the way she said it scared him. "She stole my death, Carter." Stole her.. death? Carter was confused. Did Pystan.. want to die? Why? Why would anyone want to die? Carter could wrap his mind around this idea. Why did Pystan want to enter the Hunger Games? After a minute she apologised for snapping at him, but it was Carter's turn to try to understand.

"You.. want to die? Why would you want to die?" Carter let go of Haymer and told him to go home. Haymer obediently turned and let, leaving Carter and Pystan alone. Carter felt he might talk to this girl for a little while longer and didn't want Haymer to wait the entire time. "Why? Why would you ever want to enter those horrrible games? All them do is kill people. People like you and me!" Carter was having no trouble talking now. This meant something to him.

"I know I don't really know you, and you don't really know me, but I wouldn't want you to die. Why would you want to? If you died, I'd be sad because you're one of the only people I've ever talked to. And you've been nice to me. Don't die!" Before Carter knew it, he was holding her hand. Not it a romantic way, but he was tryin to make her understand that he didn't want her to die. Even if she though him weird of didn't like him or thought him annoying. He didn't want her to die. He tried to convey everything through that one touch.

Carter was suprised at her comment about him being a teacher. He couldn't help but smile. He had neevr really been complimented like that before and it felt nice. He liked hearing it. Maybe there was a chance at him being a teacher afterall. Pystan was confusing Carter again. She said she didn't want to die, but then she said she did. For honor. that was what she was saying it was for. For honor and for the capitol and her family. Carter didn't like the those words. SHe said to kill with no heart and no sympathy was how she was trained.

She her hand on his and told him he was sweet. But her words disturbed him. Wanting a Career to not die... She spoke it like she wasn't a real person. Like she was only a career. it made Carter think of a robot. It was like she didn't think there was any other kind of life. And Carter didn't like. He slipped his hand out from under her's and took a step back. He inhaled deeply, trying to make his thoughts words. Finally he found him. Carter tilted his head to the side and asked. "You would.. kill me?"

He choked on the last word. He didn't cry, it was just hard to say. "You would really kill me? And you'd feel nothing doing that?" The thought sickened him and he looked away from Pystan. "I don't know you well, but I would never kill you. And I would never kill anyone else either. Even if it was for money. I wouldn't consider it honor. How would it be? Honor is when you deserve respect because you've done something good. And murdering people. That only deserves hate. And worse, pity."

Carter turned to Pystan, he hated to talk like this, afraid his words might injure her. "I pity you, Pystan. And I pity your beliefs. You say you've never had real friends because they've never allowed you to be deep. I wonder if you're lying. Maybe you've never had friends because you never let them in. Maybe deep down, you really do care. I could be wrong. I probably am, I'm not good with people. But what you talk about, this 'doing it from the capitol'. Why would you want to do it for them? They who have killed so many children our age and younger."

He took a step closer, advancing. As he came closer he stared intensly into her eyes, willing her to understand how she didn't have to die. "You just said a moment ago you didn't want to die. But you keep contradicting yourself. Either you want to be dead, or you don't. How many people make it out of the games every year? How many?" Carter paused, his voice was beginning to shake. "One." he answered himself. "One. And very few, if not two, have ever been from district 3."

"Going into those games that you yourself called horrible, is like a death sentence. I don't understand how you want that. Going into those games will never bring you wealth or honor. Your. just. going. to. die!" Carter was screaming now, out of anger. He knew he was losing control. "You don't have to think like this! People change! They change everyday! Their religion, their ideas, their morals! And you can too! You don't have to die! This isn't your fate! Your a daughter, and I'm sure a friend, and maybe a girlfriend! But I'm sure there are people who need you! You're a person with your own thoughts and own freewill! DON'T GIVE IT ALL UP!"

Pystan her herself was getting upset now as well. He saw that she was bleeding from clentching her fists so tight, but refused to move to help her. She had just told him that she would kill him if she had to. She admitted to accepting death and being ready for it. It disturbed Carter. As Pystan talked about her boyfriend, Carter winced. She was just using him. Her parents taught her this? She kept talking about two of them when she mentioned Carter, but Carter didn't know who the other person was. "You two... are so concerned for me. It's so silly... It hurts my head. And what... makes you think... I want to change?"

Who was this other person? "Your parents," Carter bravely spoke,"are horrible people who want you dead, it seems to me." He looked down at his feet again, regretting what he just said. Carter thought of his own parents and how caring and kind they were to him. He thought of his sister and her disability. "You talk of being ready for death like you understand it. But you don't. You make it seem like you're alone, but you're not. You don't know what it's like to be alone."

Carter turned around so she wouldn't she the tears beginning to form in his eyes. "You say everyone ues each other and your parent taught you this, but have you ever taken the time to pay attention to them. They obviously did not betray each other. They had you. At a point in time, they gave their all to one another, that is trust, and they taught you nothing of it."

"You speak of someone else as you talk, comparing me to them. And I don't like it, but I do. It makes me feel as though I'm someone worth comparing. But you're a hypocrite. You obviously care about this person if you are comparing me to her and if you are mentioning how she cares. You say no one wants to form a deep relationship with you, but this person has obviousl tried. You have not let them. I myself am trying now, and you are fighting me with everything you can muster."

He turned back to her, no longing crying and not caring if she could see the tears that had already stained his face. "I know what's it's like to feel alone. To know you're damned to be alone. Please. Do not choose this path in life. It is obvious people care about you. You ask me why I think you want to change? Because I can see you want to be liked. You claim you want honor and glory. To show people. But there are other ways of obtaining your dream with out doing it this way. I believe you want to change because you say you are this coldhearted person, but if you want people to otice you, you obviously want to be someone else."

Carter walked closer to Pystan. Why won't you understand? "You're right, I am concerned for you. But I am also being selfish. I do not want to die myself. Don't prove to me you will kill me." Carter stood in front of Pystan, thanking god for his speedy ability to calm down. he knew that if he had gotten any madder he would have had one of his blackout episodes. The most recent one still haunted him, but he shook it front his memory.