Felicia Vaine, District Two (Finished)

Felicia?

...yes?

What do you remember about that day?

It was cold. So cold. And I was afraid.

Did you look back?

...

Felicia?

No. No, I never looked back.

I see. And then what happened?

It began to rain. There was no thunder, though. Just... rain.

What else can you remember?

They didn't shout. They weren't angry. They... they didn't even cry.

And how did you feel, Felicia?

... I don't know.

Be honest, Felicia.

...Fine. I etkf llei wr olmdy agw lflanis tarpa.




Felicia Vaine

...Basic Information

It's just another morning glory.
One more twisted side of this wild ride.

Perhaps it was fate that lead Felicia to the circus, or maybe just coincidence, but either way, she's never going back. At the age of just seventeen [17], she is a master escape artist that is able to be part of an amazing act with her fellow performers. She gets to wear beautiful costumes, is well fed, and is surrounded by friends who all have unique talents just like she does. District Two [2] gets to be inspired by her performances. Perhaps life is perfect for Ms. Vaine. That's what everyone thinks, anyway. But having run away at the age of fifteen [15] and after an entire childhood spent being ignored by her parents, Felicia is more flawed than anyone could ever imagine.

...Appearance

Another chapter in the story.
But I can't hide the way I feel inside.

Felicia has but one picture of her from before. A picture that her mother had made her take when the new thing was suddenly to force your daughter into some sort of ugly sweater and make her pose all day in front of a photographer. Of course, Felicia had to have the best photographer in the district- nothing less, or else her mother's friends would think them poor. Luckily, the photographer had had other ideas that did not involve itchy sweaters or bows or necklaces. She had simply instructed that Felicia wear a white t-shirt, ignoring her mother's persistent protests. Maybe that was what really got Felicia to go, in the end. The fact that she was going to meet a woman who had successfully told her mother no. Once there, about an hour's worth of photos had been snapped, and then Felicia was free to go. Most of them were the stiff, fancy kind of photos that Felicia's mother loved. But one of them was more natural, when her mother had left for a short time to use the restroom. The photographer had said something about the woman- something Felicia couldn't remember- that had made the teenager laugh. The photographer had taken a picture quick and shown it to her mother when she returned. Of course, Felicia's mother made no comment, and did not select that picture to take home with her. But just as they were leaving, the photographer had slipped Felicia the photo, free of charge.

It's a simple head shot, worn from all the times Felicia has slipped it out of her bag where she keeps her clothes and gazed at it. One could certainly tell that the girl trapped in the two inch square photo is Felicia- circus life has not changed the teenager's appearance very much (except for in her performances). And yet Felicia sometimes feels like that girl is an entirely different person. Like she is a million miles away in some different lifetime. That picture is the one known thing that the others know she has from her old life. A single photograph. Others have seen it, of course, but all questions are just met with pressed lips and an avoided gaze. The girl in the picture brings pain to Felicity, though outside of those brief moments filled with memories, she would never admit it.

The first noticeable thing about Felicia is her hair. A wild mane of wavy blond locks, her hair is long and almost as wild as she is. She brushes it for the performances, of course, taming it slightly, but all other times it is frizzy and often a tangled mess. The girl in the photo has neat and well combed hair, with her top layer pulled into some sort of almost fancy hairdo. When she was little, her mother used to brush her hair until it was silky smooth and shined when the light hit it just right. Only for special occasions, though- all other times Felicia was put in charge of her own hair, and was scolded if it was not absolutely perfect. Maybe that is one of the reasons why she doesn't bother with it now except for shows or on a day when she suddenly feels like looking nice. Rebellion is a part of Felicia's soul- defying her parents was something she couldn't do then, but she can do now. And so her hair remains wild and free, just like her.

The picture girl's eyes are different from Felicia's eyes. Although they are the same shade of icy green, there is something off. Perhaps it is the way that the girl in the photo's eyes are warm but have sorrow hidden behind them, and perhaps despair. Felicia's eyes remain firmly eager and filled with energy, lighting up like two green fireflies when something pleases her. Freedom shines bright behind her green disks, and the picture girl's eyes lack that radiance. But perhaps there is something the picture girl has that Felicia does not- something almost warm and glimmering. Love is such a precious emotion that Felicia can no longer cradle unconditionally, as she used to. It flows freely in the picture girl's eyes, but is cautious and heavily guarded in Felicia's.

Felicia's face is smooth and free of acne thanks to her mother's constant pestering for her to wash it. Old habits die hard, and she continues to wash her face before bed even though she now lives in the circus. Her skin is quite pale, most likely because the majority of her childhood days were spent indoors (her mother didn't want her getting muddy by playing outside with the other children). She has prominent cheekbones inherited from her mother, and long, dark eyelashes. Her eyebrows are nicely shaped and dark, though they lay a bit low on a forehead that is a bit too large. All in all, though, Felicia has a pretty face.

The picture girl's smile is wide and real, revealing straight teeth framed by full but pale lips. Felicia's smiles are still broad and happy, but they have a hint of insincerity at times, especially on stage when she emerges from a locked box or something of the sort. People in the crowd can't tell the difference, of course, but her fellow performers can. They can't understand it, and she denies all accusations when they approach her with questions about it.

Felicia has always been rather thin, ever since she was a little girl. Her limbs are practically skin and bones, with prominent elbows and shoulders. Her hands are rather petite, with long fingers and ten perfect oval shaped nails. Her legs are long in comparison to the rest of her body, but all in all the teenager probably only reaches about 5'5" in height and weighs about 115 pounds. Her knees are prominent, like her elbows, and her feet are small with toes that seem a bit to long but are normally hidden in her shoes.

The young Vaine has never enjoyed dressing up for the day- she usually wears t-shirts, torn striped gloves that reach up to her elbows, and jeans along with her favorite pair of worn, off white tennis shoes. For the show, she'll usually put on some sort of dress but insists on wearing her casual shoes, making her an odd sight when she appears in front of an audience. Because she is often escaping out of boxes, she can't wear jewelry for the show or else be accused of picking the lock with it somehow.

...Personality

'Cause I'm a stranger in a strange land,
And I'm a million miles from my home.

Felicia's outgoing, ecstatic personality is magnetic. She draws people in with ease with her broad smiles and energetic laughter. It's no secret that Felicia stands out, greatly differing from the average District Two citizen- she's all brightness and laughter and ecstasy, often the center of attention in large crowds (though she'd gladly get out, out, out because they're all so close and her heart is racing and Ripred, why can't she breathe?). There's just something careless and free and wild within Felicia that radiates out of her and into others, so that they gather around her. She's a social butterfly, and there is no doubt about it- born and raised to please others, her constant energy is addicting to those who even get just a hint of it.

The young Vaine also has an uncontainable curiosity that softens hearts almost instantaneously. She has a kind of childish wonder that glows warm and pure in her eyes as they innocently follow the thing that has managed to ensnare her as it's dedicated audience. She cherishes the few magical moments that life allows her, clinging to memories of chasing fireflies in a glittering meadow of verdure, or swinging off a rope and landing in a murky turquoise swimming hole with a satisfying splash. It doesn't take one long to realize that Felicia did not have a proper childhood filled with getting thoroughly muddy and skinning knees. The fact that she was probably locked up inside for most of her years living in the Vaine home becomes quite obvious when one sees the way the child desperately connects with nature, eyes widening at the slightest hint of something wonderful in the world of tall trees and shimmering sheets of snow.

It seems almost too simple to make Felicia laugh or smile. Her joy comes all too easily, sparked by even the slightest taste of warmth on the air. She must not have had anyone to share laughter and happiness with when she was little, because she now simply pours her delight into others with force and power that hides something almost like despair underneath. Felicia cradles the warmth of such a simple emotion so close to her heart that one would think she has never felt it before in her life (and they would be right, because she hasn't. Not really). She loves to needs to shine in order to feel like she is doing something right.

And yet, there are those moments that Felicia keeps to herself. On a few rare days, she is so distant that it is almost impossible to reach her. At least once a week she'll disappear for about an hour, leaving quiet and serious and coming back looking very refreshed and energetic. Sometimes people will follow her during that hour, only to watch her sit somewhere quiet and stare at a photograph for a very long time, almost as if she is using it to try and center herself. Most just write it off as time that she needs to herself, but others detect something much deeper and more sorrowful written on her face during that short period of time that she spends away from others. Something quietly desperate for something that she can't have, that she'll never be able to have.

Felicia is rebellious. Unless she sees very good reasoning behind a rule, it's very likely that she'll break it- she doesn't like having to live her life by someone else's standards. It's obvious that she didn't get enough freedom as a child, because she drowns herself in it now. Limitations are a foreign concept to Felicia- sure, she had them when she was younger, but she's beyond that now. She is completely free to go wild and have fun and break rules, her eyes warm and exhilerated when she does so. Something inside her longs to break free, urgining her to go to the extremes just to prove to other people that she doesn't live to please them (even though she does, she always has, she always will).

For most people, getting into trouble is the easy part- it's getting out of it that's tough. But for Felicia, it's different; getting out of trouble is all the fun. No, she's not extremely persuasive or good at talking her way out of things. Rather, she can escape a tight situation when she needs to. Handcuffs, jail cells, and locked doors cannot contain the young Ms. Vaine- escape has always come easy as she finds more and more clever ways to get out of simple traps. Perhaps escaping things has just become a natural part of her life, for she uses it often, especially now that she has joined the circus and been made a professional escape artist. She loves that she can explore her natural talent and take it to the extremes at the circus, with the help of her friends (especially one Breyer Moriarty). She slips out of trouble with ease because that's who she is and who she's always been- picking locks and untying ropes has become part of Felicia's daily life.

Of course, a lot of her escape work is more than just clever ways of thinking. Felicia often finds herself in tight situations where she must rely on her flexibility and strength, both of which she lacked before joining the circus. Now, the teenager finds that she can twist herself around like a pretzel and is much stronger than she ever though she'd be. Of course, this is nothing compared to many of the other performers, but she feels the small accomplishment glow inside of her. Felicia has always been dedicated to what she does- she is persistant, never giving up when things get rough because she knows she has the reward of doing something she loves.

Or does she?

Though accusations of cheating loom over the girl, Felicia does much of her more simple escapes hidden, tied up and then helped into small boxes where she can quickly free herself and emerge. Because these escapes are the easier ones, they are usually performed first to warm the crowd up, and are done at almost every show. And, because she is a master, Felicia always emerges with a broad smile on her face in a short amount of time. But if one were close enough, they would see the sweat on her forehead, her shaking limbs, and maybe they'd even hear her heart racing at a million miles per minute. But even then, they'd doubt themselves- after all, this is Felicia. Wild, free, rule breaking, fearless Felicia. What could she possibly have to be afraid of in such a simple stunt?

Felicia doesn't tell anyone about the shrinking walls. She doesn't tell people that even just in small rooms with locked doors or an especially crowded area, she becomes extremely nervous. She doesn't tell them about how the moment the lid closes on her tiny box, the breathing stops and her heart begins to pound like a steady drum as she races against time to free herself before the tiny space swallows her completely because the walls are closing in and when did it get so hot and Ripred, why can't I breathe anymore? No one knows that when Felicia is trapped in tiny spaces, something inside of her goes terribly wrong.

No one knows that Felicia Vaine is claustrophobic.

And why would she tell anyone, anyway? They love her because she can do stunts with the small, cramped, horrible box that haunts her every show. She doesn't want them to be upset because she can't do what they want to- sure, Felicia acts free and independent, but she bends and twists herself to fit into other people's molds in order to please them. She lives to make others like her, because she would crumble without their quiet approval. When she was younger, Felicia was never good enough. She doesn't want like to be like that anyone- she wants people to love her and she wants people to care and she wants them to notice her, and in order to do that she must adapt to however they want her to live. Sure, she breaks the rules set for her outloud. But she'll change her entire personality in order to satsify the silent rules that linger in the air. And that is why she tells no one of her phobia- she'll suffer in order to make them happy and live up to their standards, because she doesn't want to be alone and ignored.

Not again.

...History

But if I've gotta take my last stand,
Well I won't stand alone.

Felicia Joy Vaine was not an accident, but she might as well have been. Her parents were one of the richest couples in all of district two- they lived in a mansion with people to serve on them and plenty of food to eat. They practically had a Capitol lifestyle, with their expensive and exotic foods imported from all over Panem and only the best clothing and jewelry. Adam Vaine had already been quite rich when Jenna married him, and some whisper that was the entire reason behind their marraige. Of course, Adam still works in the mines in order to ensure that they stay rich, but Jenna is able to sit back, relax, and gossip with her friends. Felicia was born when it was in style to have a child to raise as a Career. Jenna had seen the way people absolutely loved fierce Career children, and she wanted one. But the Vaine couple quickly realized that having a child is more than just feeding and training (though it's not like they did anything about it after the discovery).

Felicia wasn't cute enough as a young child to put people in awe, so even in her newest years she was not good enough for her parents. Her mother dressed her up in the most expensive little clothes and then handed her off to a nanny to be taken care of for the day. In Jenna's mind, Felicia was a waste of her precious time unless the little baby was looking especially precious and her friends were paying a visit. Adam wanted just as little to do with the little girl- he wanted a ferocious, merciless Career boy, and had instead been given an annoying little girl? Until she was old enough to train, the child was of no use to him. And so in her earlier years of life, Felicia's nanny, Elizabeth, became more of a parental figure to her than either of her parents. It was Elizabeth who played with her and fed her and changed her and watched cute little cartoons with her. Elizabeth sang her to sleep at night, and Elizabeth told her fantastical stories and held her when she cried and put bandages on her scraped knees. Elizabeth had, in fact, been fourteen when she was first hired- she was from one of the rare poorer families in the district who needed the job in order to keep her family from starving. And she quickly developed a bond with the Vaine child- she became less like a child she was babysitting and more like a sister to the young teenager.

At the age of four, Felicia began to understand the reason that she had Elizabeth instead of her parents. She was desperate to please, but pictures she spent hours drawing were carelessly thrown into the garbage. Crafts she made with Elizabeth were studied for a moment before being set down on the counter and then vanishing when Felicia had her back turned. She sang and danced for them, only to find that her father was busy filling out paperwork and her mother was unimpressed, with no applause when she was finished even though she had spent hours practicing. Her only comfort during those days was Elizabeth- she framed her pictures and adored her crafts and clapped when Felicia put on a performance.

But it was the very year that she needed her most when the Capitol took her away from Felicia... forever.

It had been her last year to be put into the reaping pool, but Elizabeth had to buy tessera for her family, and she was eighteen. Her chances were high, and one can only put their life on the line so often before it is taken away from them. Elizabeth had been one of five voices to scream sorrow and protest when Elizabeth's name echoed throughout the square. The other four were members of Elizabeth's family- her parents and her two younger siblings. Young Felicia may have been too young to understand the concept of the Games, but she was old enough to realize that the people who went into the Arena did not come out. Elizabeth didn't make it far- after being toyed around with by the Capitol, she lasted until Day Three before being betrayed by her alliance, two boys from One and Four. The entire time, Felicia watched her best friend, older sister, and only comfort in the world be treated like an item. The girl from District Two who only lasted to Day Two before dying.

But oh, she was so much more.

There was no one to hold Felicia's hand as the old, battered box was lowered into the dark hole. Elizabeth's family was too busy crying to even notice the lost four year old (five, actually, for that day just happened to be her birthday) standing and watching with tears on her cheeks. Felicia's parents had not bothered to accompany her. And so the young girl was alone when she watched her nanny being lowered down. She was alone when she felt her fantasy begin to crumble down around her. And she was alone when her world ended. Who would be there for her now? She would be alone, always and forever, for the rest of her life.

The Vaines didn't bother to hire a new nanny for their daughter. Instead, they figured she was old enough to take care of herself, and kept her in her room when she wasn't at school. For a few months, this worked out well for the couple, but then Felicia began to cry of shrinking walls and left the room in tears. Annoyed, they began to lock the door, which only made the poor girl wail louder. But, for once in their lives, the Vaines were patient, and within a few months, the wailing stopped and the terrified silence began. Felicia ate with her parents, but they never spoke to each other- the young girl just sat there, shaking and eating as slowly as possible so she could delay going back into her bedroom. At school, she made very few friends; no one wanted the freak who spoke of shrinking walls and locks and a dead tribute girl named Elizabeth. Though Felicia's grades were exceptional, even her teacher was a bit concerned at the young girl's odd behavior. Any attempt to talk to her parents, however, were met with cold silence.

It was just before her sixth birthday when Felicia finally gathered up the nerve to talk at the dinner table. In a trembling voice, she mentioned that her birthday was coming up. Her mother had nodded and continued to eat. Her father said something about starting Career training. Felicia had pressed her lips together very tightly and then burst out that she wanted a dog for her birthday. Both of her parents had looked up in surprise, then, but Felicia just stared down at her plate and kept on eating, her face on fire. Somehow, this managed to reach her parents. It managed to connect with them. And so, on April 27th, Felicia's one present was a beautiful golden retriever puppy.

The dog, who she named Amber, changed Felicia's life. Amber was sent to a dog trainer for a little while, but after that, she was all Felicia's. The little girl adored her dog. She spent as much time as she could with her. Amber licked away Felicia's tears and lay down at her feet on her bed to keep the nightmares away. The energetic dog gave Felicia hope that she just might make it through life. Amber gave Felicia excuses to go outside, and they would run and play and the young girl could finally breathe again. It was a wonderful thing in Felicia's dark childhood- Amber acted as a light to guide Felicia through the hard times and into happiness, something she hadn't felt since Elizabeth had died.

About six months after her sixth birthday, Felicia's father dragged her to Career training. After witnessing Elizabeth die in the horrible competition, Felicia wanted nothing to do with the children who actually trained for such a horrible event. But this was what Felicia had been born for, according to her father, and so she trained. And, to Felicia's horror, she was good, especially in the area of knife throwing. Even just the basics, which she had to learn as a little girl, seemed extremely easy to her. And as she grew up, she advanced in the area farther. By the age of eight, she was impressing her trainers. But that wasn't good enough for her father. At home, he made her run laps and do different kinds of exercises before locking her in her room for the night. She was never good enough for him- he wanted his star in the Games, and apparently, that wasn't her. He pushed her to her limit and then beyond, despite her trainer's warning that it wasn't healthy for the young girl. The only thing that helped Felicia during her father's strict training sessions was that Amber was by her side the entire time, running with her and licking her face every time she came up on a sit up.

It was around that age that the closing walls became too much. Even with Amber in her room, the panic attacks that rushed through her almost every night were seriously affecting her health, and Felicia just couldn't take it. One afternoon, she picked the lock, finding it surprisingly easy. Her parents didn't even seem to realize that she was escaping her room- they continued to lock her door every afternoon, and she continued to escape with ease. She would wander the huge house, sometimes escaping outside and into the town (even though there were so many people, so many so many so many). Life gradually began to get easier for Felicia after that. Though her parents didn't change, she did- perhaps for the better.

Perhaps for the worse.

After a year of wandering the large hallways in the afternoon, nine year old Felicia came to a conclusion. She didn't deserve it. Any of it. She didn't deserve the friendless life, or the dead nanny who still haunted her dreams, or the shrinking rooms, or the long hours of training. And better than that, she realized that they didn't deserve it. Her parents had ruined her early childhood, and what did she give back to them? A perfect little girl who was a star in Career training and got wonderful grades in school. A girl who only spoke when spoken to and had only ever asked for something in return once in her life. But she couldn't take the silence. She worked so hard to please, but she was never good enough for their attention. For their approval. For their smiles and their laughs and their concern. Maybe she never would be. It would be best for her to just stop trying- to give up on everything and live life how she wanted to live it, and not how they wanted to live it. She shouldn't be trying so hard for their approval.

But she wanted it. She wanted it so badly it hurt.

And so, if she could never get it doing good things, why not try to work the opposite direction? That would certainly get their attention. And so, with that discovery, Felicia began. She started breaking rules in school and letting her grades slip. She stopped studying or trying to memorize math and lay outside in the woods. By the age of ten, she was stealing things. One time, she got caught. The Peacekeepers weren't merciless, but they did handcuff her and made her sit outside until her parents picked her up, just to scare her. Except, her parents never came. The Keepers, losing patience, left Felicia alone, sure the Vaine couple would eventually show up. But they never did. Eventually, the young girl gave up on her parents and managed to free herself from the handcuffs using the same natural escape skill that she had discovered when she had picked her lock. It all just seemed so easy to her that she couldn't believe they actually locked people up in handcuffs. Her parents didn't say anything when she got home, but they put an extra lock on her door. She managed to pick that, too. And so her criminal activity continued, but instead of getting her parents' attention, she became even more ignored by them. The only clue that they even knew what was happening to her were the increasing number of locks on her door, all of which were easy to escape for Felicia.

She tried to slack off at training, too, to the great surprise of her trainers. It eventually got so bad that they told her father, who became extremely angry. He lengthened her training sessions with him and worked her harder, so that she had tears running down her cheeks by the end of training. Eventually, at the age of eleven, Felicia began putting more effort into her training again. Her knife throwing was improving greatly, and she also showed some promise with a bow and arrow (though the bow never felt quite as natural as the knife handle did in the palm of her hand). Her father shortened their training sessions once again, but he was no less harsh. By the age of twelve, Felicia could only give Amber a small pat on her head before falling onto her bed and falling asleep almost instantly. Even on those long days, her dog remained loyally comforting to the young girl. Felicia leaned on her for support in life, just as she had leaned on Elizabeth.

And so, of course, she crumbled when she lost Amber.

It was sudden. There was no warning or any signs that Amber was becoming anxious. She had been scratching by the door, wanting to get out, and so Felicia let her. The dog instantly bolted out of sight, which happened every now and then. Except this time, Amber didn't come back. Felicia spent the rest of the day searching for her pet, but she could find no sign of the lost dog. She came back home in tears. Her best friend was gone forever, and there was nothing she could do about it. She was alone. Again.

The Vaines took note of Felicia's unhappiness, for once. And another miracle, perhaps, was that they actually did something about it. Not anything huge. Not anything like she would have received from real parents. But after school that day, Felicia came home to find a little stuffed dog on her bed. The fur was soft and it looked a bit like Amber. Felicia slept with the stuffed dog, whom she named after her lost pet, clutched to her chest. The little stuffed Amber wasn't warm. It didn't breathe. But it was enough to last Felicia through that night, and the next, and then the rest of her life.

When Felicia was thirteen, she was joking around with some of the other Careers, who had commented on how she always managed to escape trouble. Laughing, she had declared that there was no one who could trap her- she was a master of escaping. And, after watching Felicia escape from some well tied knots, they all believed her. But then, of course, came the more difficult traps. It seemed that every day they had a new way to try and contain her, and Felicia always escaped. Everyone wanted to be the one to ensnare her, but none could do it. And she loved the attention. She loved the awe she saw in other people's eyes, and the way her trainers looked so amazed. She wanted more people to look at her like that. It made her feel proud, like she was actually worth something. And perhaps it made those training sessions with her father a bit more bearable.

But about a month before Felicia's fifteenth birthday, the accusations arose. She couldn't possibly be that good- she was tricking them, in some way. And of course, Careers do not like being tricked. Awe and amazement turned to suspicion, and then bitterness. They stopped trying to trap her- everyone called her a cheater. A liar. Hurt, Felicia desperately spent her free time searching for someone- anyone- who would accept her. And during that desperate search, she found the Misfit Mafia.

They were like her. Skilled. Amazing. Dazzling. Impossible. And they welcomed her talents with open arms, more than happy to take her in. They didn't accuse her of cheating- they saw her abilities as amazing gifts. And they wanted her to be one of them. They would be proud of her. That was more than anyone else had ever offered her. And so, of course, Felicia Vaine snatched the opportunity, and began her career as an entertainer, running away from home at the age of just fifteen. She took a bag of clothes and two extra items: the photograph is commonly known among her friends, but the stuffed dog has been seen by none but her own eyes. And she intends to keep it that way.

Over the course of the next two years, Felicia experienced something she never had before. Joy. Something that lasted a long time and rarely faded away from her. It was always within her grasp if she would only just take it. And she made friends, particularly with one Breyer Moriarty, who was more than happy to help her find new ways to escape things. The panic attacks that happened within the boxes were indefinitely worth her new life. And leaving her parents behind had been no big deal. Felicia Vaine was perfectly happy with her new life.

...right?

...Codeword/Other

I won't stand alone.
No, I won't stand alone.

Odair

I Won't Stand Alone, by Johnny Pacar

Felicia?

...yes?

What do you remember about that day?

It was cold. So cold. And I was afraid.

Did you look back?

...

Felicia?

No. No, I never looked back.

I see. And then what happened?

It began to rain. There was no thunder, though. Just... rain.

What else can you remember?

They didn't shout. They weren't angry. They... they didn't even cry.

And how did you feel, Felicia?

... I don't know.

Be honest, Felicia.

... Fine. I felt like my world was falling apart.