Sinners and Saints - Faith and Damon
Sept 1, 2011 18:35:19 GMT -5
Post by The Hypocrisy of Truth on Sept 1, 2011 18:35:19 GMT -5
Her mind was blown. How could she have been so stupid? How could she have thought for a second that he didn't love her? But anyone can lie. That thought made her back away from him a little bit and shake her head, kneeling down so her forehead touched the wet earth. After all of this, am I finally losing it? Is this what going crazy feels like?[/b] She was thoroughly convinced she was going crazy when she looked back up at him, standing up. She slammed her fist into a nearby tree, some of the bark breaking off and cutting her hand. Blood mixed with water, and she almost smiled. Her blood was beautiful to her. Though, strangely, only when it was flooding out of her.
Her fist met the trunk of the tree again. Cutting deeper and taking more blood out of her. And again. She had no idea why she kept hitting it as hard as she could, why she was purposefully causing herself pain? Better question, why did she like it? Then she thought about Damon again. That she was making him watch her hurt herself like this. Her mind cleared some and she was suddenly irrationally angry again. She knew it wasn't his fault, and that she shouldn't be mad at him. "Leave." The word forced itself out of her throat in an almost inhuman snarl.
Alone. That's what she was. And she was bringing it on herself. Forcing herself into social celibacy. When she was with Damon, she felt like she had the world at her feet. When she was alone, she was at the mercy of everything with a heartbeat. She was cruel, dangerous, untamed, and rabid. She was something people should scream and runaway from. But he didn't. And because he didn't, no one else did. Because he held her, she was safe. Because he fed her, she was never in want of food. Because he promised her life, it was given to her without question. Because he loved her, she was loved.
The first sobbing noise she made came out as a horrible choking sound. It racked her body in horrible tremors and sent her back onto her knees. This time she wasn't at the mercy of a rapist, a murderer, or an unloving parent. She was at the mercy of herself. Her own mind, and body.
Night was beginning to fall. She couldn't remember how long she had been standing like that. The tears had stopped flowing, there was nothing inside of her left to mourn. Still on her knees, half bent over, forcing herself to breathe, she said the only thing that made sense to say. "I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry." No one needed to be in her mind to know what she meant. It wasn't just an apology to Damon. But it was an apology to Jackson. To precious little Hugh. "I'm so sorry."
Faith didn't know if Damon was still there or not. For all she knew he could be holding her, but her body was so numb she couldn't feel it. Had she been mad at her brothers for leaving her? A part of her was. A part of her hated them for it. But the rest of her just missed them so bad it was hard to breathe.
Because he could breathe, she could too She wasn't just safe from physical harm with him. She was safe emotionally, and mentally. Her brother's voice rang out in her head once more. Because he promised her tomorrow, it would come.[/color]
Her fist met the trunk of the tree again. Cutting deeper and taking more blood out of her. And again. She had no idea why she kept hitting it as hard as she could, why she was purposefully causing herself pain? Better question, why did she like it? Then she thought about Damon again. That she was making him watch her hurt herself like this. Her mind cleared some and she was suddenly irrationally angry again. She knew it wasn't his fault, and that she shouldn't be mad at him. "Leave." The word forced itself out of her throat in an almost inhuman snarl.
Alone. That's what she was. And she was bringing it on herself. Forcing herself into social celibacy. When she was with Damon, she felt like she had the world at her feet. When she was alone, she was at the mercy of everything with a heartbeat. She was cruel, dangerous, untamed, and rabid. She was something people should scream and runaway from. But he didn't. And because he didn't, no one else did. Because he held her, she was safe. Because he fed her, she was never in want of food. Because he promised her life, it was given to her without question. Because he loved her, she was loved.
The first sobbing noise she made came out as a horrible choking sound. It racked her body in horrible tremors and sent her back onto her knees. This time she wasn't at the mercy of a rapist, a murderer, or an unloving parent. She was at the mercy of herself. Her own mind, and body.
Night was beginning to fall. She couldn't remember how long she had been standing like that. The tears had stopped flowing, there was nothing inside of her left to mourn. Still on her knees, half bent over, forcing herself to breathe, she said the only thing that made sense to say. "I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry." No one needed to be in her mind to know what she meant. It wasn't just an apology to Damon. But it was an apology to Jackson. To precious little Hugh. "I'm so sorry."
Faith didn't know if Damon was still there or not. For all she knew he could be holding her, but her body was so numb she couldn't feel it. Had she been mad at her brothers for leaving her? A part of her was. A part of her hated them for it. But the rest of her just missed them so bad it was hard to breathe.
Because he could breathe, she could too She wasn't just safe from physical harm with him. She was safe emotionally, and mentally. Her brother's voice rang out in her head once more. Because he promised her tomorrow, it would come.[/color]
