143{Gemma}

Rowan watched Nee leave his room, tears threatening to explode from his eyes. He had just screwed up his relationship with the only girl he truly loved. He flopped on his bed, letting a load moan escape from his mouth. He let the tears flow, not caring anymore. Whatever self esteem he had had left when the first drop of alcohol had touched his tongue earlier. He didn't care how pathetic he seemed. Right now all he cared about was patching up things with Nee.

He hated that it took him this long to realize how much he was hurting Nee. All he had ever wanted to do since he was ten was fit in, even if it had meant hurting himself. Hurting himself now, though, meant hurting Nee as well. Nee deserved better things than that. A single thought flashed through his mind. She deserves better than me

Rowan knew he could never do it, though. Breaking up with Nee could never be an option. He loved her too much. He always heard people say if you truly loved something, then you should set it free, but he could never do that. It would hurt too much.

He brushed away the few tears that had run down his face before sitting up. He heard silent footsteps before seeing Nee at his doorway, fingering the necklace. The 143 on her hand drilled holes in his eyes, reminding him of how there can be good in a relationship.

“I’m all ears. Just tell me everything, Rowan. Let me into that thick skull of yours.”

Rowan practically flung himself at Nee. He pulled her into his arms, giving her a kiss that seemed to never end. When they broke for air, he whispered, "I'm so sorry. I never realized how much pain my stupidity causes you."

He gave Nee another long kiss, taking in the shining sweetness. He took one of her hands in his, slowly leading her over to his bed. They sat down, causing Rowan to let go of Nee's hand. He exchanged the hand holding for him wrapping his arm around her. He held her close, not wanting to let go. Two small yawns surfaced, sleep overcoming the couple.

He loosened his grip on Nee, letting them both fall back on the bed. Rowan turned so he faced Nee, letting him see her one last time before sleep washed over him. He took a stand of her hair in his hand, twirling it and playing with it, a smile rising on his face as he did. When it was just him and Nee, everything was so happy and joyful.

"I wish we could leave it all behind," he whispered. "I wish we could run away and live together somewhere away from our parents, our friends, our lives. I love my family, of course, but I think they're causing me to hurt myself. If they cared about me, they would've stopped my drinking habit a while ago. It wouldn't have to be permanent if you didn't want to. Maybe just for a day or two, to give them a good scare. We don't have to, though. Your parents probably care so much more about you than mine care about me... What do you think?"

Rowan's heart thumped loudly, causing him head trauma. His heart raced, beating so fast h thought it would rip away from the strings tying it to him. He felt as though he had just proposed, which he sort of had.

"I wouldn't have asked if I didn't think we could make it. We could each get some food and some knives from our kitchens. I could borrow an axe from work. If you didn't want the stress of having to live in a district, we could go over the fence."

He twirled more strands of Nee's hair, waiting for an answer to his crazy plan. He hoped she didn't think the whole think was stupid. He hoped that she might have been thinking the same thing too, or at least considered it before. He didn't want to scare her, so the thought of her wanting the same thing, too, would comfort him greatly.

Rowan felt his eyelids flutter, fighting to push him into sleep. Blue and purple and green spots swirled around Nee, causing Rowan to squeeze his eyes shut for a few minutes. He twirled some strands of Nee's hair until he was sure the dots would be gone. When he opened them, the dots were gone, but he wasn't sure if Nee was actually glowing or not. He shook his head, trying to wipe away whatever mirages the spirits were trying to produce.

He noticed that Nee seemed to be taking a long time to answer, as if she wanted to tell him something but she was debating on if she should. She quickly sat up on the bed, looking Rowan straight in the eyes. He was worried, for he saw a hint of pain in her eyes.

“Rowan, I need you to keep a secret. Over the last few years I’ve been sneaking out of the district every now and then. My father knows about it, and he’s trying to stop me. It’s not easy, Rowan. Remember that time I was missing for a week and I turned up, disorientated and ill? It was a lie. I’d been fighting my way back home with someone who couldn’t walk!”

He tried to grasp what she was saying. He nodded; yes he could keep that a secret. Was there more to it? Did she keep going back because she craved adrenaline? Was there somebody she met in the woods? Had she... killed anyone? Had she maimed anybody, severed any body parts? He knew that he could wait to find out though. Worrying about her fighting skills was not a priority right now. If they made it to the woods, they would need a skilled fighter.

“I think we’ll be able to handle a life here, Rowan. But they do need a wakeup call. I’m being strangled here! Not just at home; people still make fun of me at work, you know that? I’m not popular with the other girls - not like anything’s changed there. And at home, I just chop wood, bake bread and sleep. Maple is the only one that keeps me sane when we sing and dance, but it’s not enough for me. I love my parents, and they love me. But I want a life. I want some fun.”

Rowan swallowed hard, trying to contain all his emotions. He knew Nee was never really that popular, but it never mattered to him. In a way, it made him love her more. If she was popular, she could be turning into him. A person who takes overdoses with a drinking problem. He shuddered, trying hard not to imagine what life would be like if Nee turned to that life. He knew people still made fun of her at work. He made sure the boys in his group didn't do anything hurtful. They did friendly teasing, like Rowan did. Some of his crew were honestly trying to be friends with Nee, and he greatly appreciated that. He tried to break up whatever teasing he saw at work, but that was probably only a small sliver of it.

“So,” she said, lying back down, “when do you want to go?”

He pondered his mind for a little, searching for an answer. He wanted to leave right now, actually, but he knew they couldn't. The children were still here, and they couldn't exactly leave them alone with four drunk adults. Yes, they were asleep, but what if there was an emergency? The Springer's didn't have that many neighbors that one of the children could run to for help. They couldn't leave tomorrow morning either; it would be a school day and somebody would be bound to see or hear him. Their only option was tonight. Early enough where the won't be fighting off sleep but late enough where everybody in the house is asleep. His parents went to bed early, so it would be easy for Rowan.

"How about tonight? Does ten sound good? I'll have to leave earlier so that I can get the axe from work, though. How about we meet outside the coffee shop we met at this morning? That's pretty close to the fence. Bring some extra clothing. I hear it'll get cold tonight."

He planted a kiss on Nee's forehead, hoping that she would agree to leave tonight. It was already getting close to six, and he expected that Nee's family would come upstairs soon, expecting to leave. He didn't want Nee to leave; he wanted her to stay with him and keep him safe in the night. He wanted to stay awake for the small slot of time he had left with Nee, but his eyelids felt as if there was a person standing over him, forcing his eyes closed.

"Stay safe," he murmured just before he fell asleep.