Gage Hanlon, Wanderer (finished)

Gage Johnathon Hanlon

...Basic Info

I took my love and I took it down.
I climbed a mountain and turned around.

While he'd never be the first to admit it, Gage wasn't always this way. On nights when the icy sheets of rain soak through his blanket and his hair and eventually even his skin, his freezing bones remind him of when he once had a house he could call his own, and a family that would have given up one of their own blankets just to make sure that he stayed warm. But accepting that kind of assistance was a dangerous game, and Gage should have known that. Now, he is a wanderer, an outsider, a criminal. At the age of twenty one [21], he is constantly running from a past that won't leave him alone toward a future that holds no pleasure. Gage likes his independence, his freedom, but the longer he spends out in the forests of Panem, the more he fears he will not be able to pay the price for his own self-sufficiency. Life, real life, with a family and a house and a place to belong, is calling Gage's name in an alluring song, and while fear is able to keep him away from such dreams for the time being, he is unsure how much longer he'll be able to resist. Gage Hanlon is, after all, only human.


...Appearance

And I saw my reflection in the snow covered hills,
'Til the landslide brought me down.

Gage Hanlon is a shadow, a ghost, a thing of the forest. In haunted smiles and soundless footsteps one would find not only a disturbing past (they shriek his name in the depths of his nightmares, and he hears the bang bang bang slice through the fog that has settled over those memories), but also the alarming presence of an anger that hasn't completely abandoned him. While Gage has never been an open book, people can see that something is different about him by the secrets hiding in the angles of his face and the set line of his lips. Secrets well concealed and protected, but not nonexistent. He keeps them trapped within a hardened core, a cage made of shredded promises and icy regrets. Inescapable, and yet sometimes they surface in the corner of his mouth when he smiles and the tips of his fingers when they curl into fists. The Hanlon boy is hiding something, though no one dares ask what.

Gage stands at an intimidating 6'2, usually towering over others. His long limbs always move with ease, probably from the years he spent in the forest as silent as a ghost (and maybe that's what he really is- a being with no purpose other than haunting the place of a once pleasant past). It can be somewhat mesmerizing, watching those joints bend and stretch and yield in perfect harmony with one another to sing their own silent song, raising him up to stand as a shadow under the sunlight, casting darkness in his wake as he moves through the plants that tremble in his presence. While arms may not be extremely muscular, something about the Hanlon boy seems strong. Perhaps it is his height. Or, perhaps, it is the way he moves, cautious and quiet, as if he is wary that any moment he might trigger something to release the monster he harbors inside.

The Hanlon boy has close cropped hair somewhere between brown and black, usually hidden underneath a hat of some sort. Out of nervous habit he will sometimes run his hand back through nonexistent locks, hinting that once he wore it longer. His eyebrows are dark and large to match, set low on a forehead that is just a bit too large. His hair is usually greasy from going days in the woods without washing it, leaving small areas of acne along his hairline.

Perhaps Gage was once very handsome, back when his smiles were genuine and he had sparks of laughter in his eyes. Now, only a shadow of that remains- the angles of his face have hardened, his jaw always set. There was a time when his expression was always softened, and he would often grin to reveal two rows of slightly crooked teeth, but that was a long time ago (back when laughter was commonplace and he had a family and the world wasn't so wrong). Now, the only expression he ever wears is one of no emotion- a permanent poker face, never dropping to reveal that behind it.

His eyes are blue as forget me nots (so ironic, because he can never forget). They were once peaceful and warm, filled with happiness and light. Now, however, his beryl disks are as cold as stone, hard and intense. His glare leaves an icy burn on the surface of the heart, his tears nonexistent, his gaze so empty and dull and dead that sometimes people forget themselves and get lost in those eyes. Sometimes, when he does manage a smirk, there is a spark of something other than nothingness in them, but it's not anything pleasant. Some doubt that Gage's eyes will ever come back to life, and they are right in doing so. The Hanlon boy has lost the right to let them shine.

His nose, turned upward slightly, is a bit oddly shaped, with nostrils that always seem a bit too small. His mouth is almost constantly positioned in a set line. The only time that changes is when he smirks, a cruel smile that offers no further emotion other than unfriendly amusement (because that's all he can ever feel anymore). His ears are large and round, often sticking out from his head. He hates his ears, which is one of the reasons why he so often wears hats- he thinks that they help to hide them.

Gage usually owns three t-shirts (black, brown, and gray), that he alternates when he moves through the woods, along with a black sweatshirt and worn jeans. When he does go into the districts, he dresses nicer- black jeans, a white shirt with a collar, a gray jacket, and a tie. He rarely wears bright colors. He does own a golden ring- a simple thick band that he wears on his thumb. When people ask him about it, he simply grins and calls it insurance. The way he stares at it sometimes, though, as if it is torture to wear it, implies differently.

All in all, Gage could be handsome. He probably was, once. Now, though, people can only call him strange or intimidating or just downright scary- though calm and cool, something about him is like a time bomb. Maybe they're wrong, and he's really a nice guy on the innocent, not dangerous at all.

Or maybe they're right.




...Personality

Oh, mirror in the sky, what is love?
Can the child within my heart rise above?

Gage Hanlon's appearance does not contrast with his personality. Years spent haunting traveling through the woods have made him quiet, a man of few words to all but a select few. He does not speak unless spoken to, for he's in no rush to make friends. If he does need to communicate something, he uses as few words as possible. But his silence does not make the Hanlon boy seem timid- if anything, it just makes him that much more intimidating. The only time he ever raises his voice or speaks more frequently is around authority. That's when he feels he really needs to get his idea across as clearly as possible.

Gage has never handled the superior attitude of the authorities very well. It's given him a bit of a rebellious attitude. He does everything he can to push their rules and bend their words, and never let's them act better than he is. He figures that whatever they can do, he can do better, so why let them act like big bullies? And then, of course, there is his greatest crime of being a wanderer. No, Gage never has enjoyed being restricted by their rules or following their orders without protest. His attitude has gotten him into trouble on more than one occasion, but Gage is careful. He knows how to disobey without taking things too far. He took it too far once.

Never again.

It is true, Gage Hanlon is not as in control as he seems. Long ago, he could not keep his temper in check at all, and he payed for it dearly (he can't remember, he can't, but he still hears their screams). These days, he's better with it. He spent years in the woods forcing himself to swallow the anger and face himself, even though what he found was more horrific than anything the Capitol could throw at him. Now, he finds that it is only released in short bursts, and they are rare. Usually just a single punch, or one shout, and then he is finished. That wasn't how it was before. Before, he could not be contained. Before, he was dangerous. Deadly. And maybe he still is.

Now, Gage likes to keep to himself. He doesn't to reach out to others when he visits the districts, and he hasn't dared try a relationship with a girl. He spends as much time in the woods, staying away from civilization, especially the forbidden place. He tells himself it's because he's trying to protect them, but really, he's just trying to protect himself. Gage would never admit it (his honor is all he has left), but he's too afraid of being broken by love again. He's felt it in the past, and it just wasn't worth all of the pain. So mostly, he avoids people at all costs.

But there is one he knows (prays) is still among the living that he can't help but love. One that is lost to him, perhaps forever, but still laughs and beams in his dreams, the only sunlight that manages to penetrate the darkness of his memories. Colt. His little brother. The one that lived. Gage knows that he's still out there- he just knows it. And yet... there are some times when his chest just aches (he knows it can't possibly be his heart, for he lost that a long time ago). Sometimes, he can't help but wonder if his wanderings aren't so aimless after all, and in truth, he's searching for his lost sibling. Colt is the only one Gage will allow himself to love. Colt is the exception.

Gage won't pretend that he's perfectly satisfied with himself and who he is, because the exact opposite is true. The Hanlon boy hates himself more than anyone else in the world. He hates who he is, he hates what he's like, and he hates what he's done. But he knows he can't leave- not while there's a chance that Colt is still out there. But he is always kicking himself for the mistakes he has made because of his temper, always pushing himself to be better and do better. He's never good enough for himself.


...History

Can I sail through the changing ocean tides?
Can I handle the seasons of my life?

Gage Hanlon did not have a hard life in the beginning.

He was born in District Three, the forbidden place, to a family that truly did want him and love him. His early childhood is too distant for him to clearly recall- he remembers a timeout in the corner feeling angry, and then someone ruffling his hair with their strong hand, but all else is lost in fog, just like everything else. His earliest clear memory is when his mother's stomach grew large and suddenly there was another little boy, a screaming, squirming thing, and Gage remembers politely asking his parents if they could return it, please, because he didn't very much like that toy.

He grew to like it, though. In fact, he grew to love the little baby that was Colt. Gage's life seemed to wrap around his little brother's, and he began to feel as if he was born just so he could be the support Colt seemed to lack everywhere else. He loved Gage, but not the way he loved his mom or his dad. No, he loved Colt in that special, sweet, protective big brother way. Colt was his world, and as Gage grew through the years, he really couldn't imagine life without his little brother. Gage learned the ropes of the gun shop, and as soon as he felt he was wise enough, he began to teach Colt.

The Hanlon boy hated nothing more when others called Colt stupid. His teachers, his peers, even his family sometimes, when they thought their youngest wasn't listening. But Gage knew he heard what they said. Gage also knew that his little brother was most certainly not stupid. He was special. And so he did all he could to guide Colt through dark waters, and providing the words that didn't exist on his brother's lips seemed to become second nature. Gage loved Colt, and anyone who tried to say otherwise could expect a black eye in three seconds flat.

That was the thing about Gage Hanlon. The thing that was off, the thing that was strange, the thing that was just so wrong. He reacted so extremely, seeming unable to control himself when he got angry. No one really knows when it started- perhaps it was something that just bloomed in Gage's early teen-hood, though many believed that perhaps he lived with his monster for his entire life. Rage slipped into Gage's blood so easily it was almost scary. And he acted out either with his fist or a razor sharp tongue, always able to back up his threats. Gage Hanlon was different, Gage Hanlon was dangerous, Gage Hanlon didn't belong. And suddenly, it didn't matter that he loved his brother with all his heart or that he tried so hard to be a good boy for his family. All they could ever see was his anger.

And maybe that's why it was no surprise to them when it happened. His ultimate mistake, the thing he had done the was irreversible. The thing that ruined his life. He doesn't remember what the argument with his father was about- all he remembered was a lot of shouting and the buzz of people all around him, their voices too loud as the called out to one another. A blur. Something loud. A flash of red. And then little Colt, standing in the doorway, looking more terrified than Gage had ever seen. And, looking around him, Gage found he was scared, too. Gone. All of them, motionless, cold.

And he ran.

He ran to the woods, the only place he could think of where the world could be safe from his endless rage. At first, it was hard. He was too cold and he was always hungry or thirsty or both. A couple of times, he almost died. But he quickly learned how to at least set traps. It was either that, or die. Gage stayed in the woods for years, desperately trying to learn control. And eventually, it came. He found that, with practice, he could hold that burning sensation inside, bite those shouts and swallow them down. He went into the districts more often, but got into fights less. Gage learned the ways of life outside the protection of the family he had destroyed. It didn't stop the nightmares, but it helped him steady himself and his life. He was going to be okay. He'd never make that mistake again.

Finally, when he was sure he could handle his anger, he returned to the forbidden place. He checked every orphanage there and asked around. No one recognized him- he had cut his hair short and was taller and stronger, with new scars from his life out in the woods. Colt Hanlon? He had disappeared. No one knew where he went, only that he didn't come back. Gage was devastated. At best, he had expected to be given a chance to explain himself. At worst, Colt would have hated him or been dead. But the fact that he disappeared... Gage had never even guessed that he might come back and not find his brother, whether it be in a home or under the earth. It was a whole new kind of torture, never knowing whether Colt was alive or cold and utterly alone, unknown to the world.

After that, Gage hardened. He forbid himself to love again- he only ended up hurting others. He fled to the woods again, and while he often visits the district, the Hanlon boy keeps to himself mostly. He doesn't mingle with other people very much, and he focuses all his attention on survival. At the age of 21, Gage remains single and utterly alone. He tells himself that it doesn't matter- that he doesn't care.

And maybe those lies are the only things that keep him sane these days.


...Codeword/Other