9 months (Charity)

Watching him as he talks tears me apart. The pain on his face, the flood of memories, is almost too much. He sits staring at the picture, as if by looking at it hard enough, long enough he can will his brothers back to life. The tears start welling up in my eyes, wish there was a way to shield him from anything that would hurt him so.

Gingerly I take the photo from him and through the blur of the tears I see three young boys, of course little Jack sticks out to me. Telling me a little about each he ends with Morgan getting reaped, and his voice cracks and I look up. "You're not going to have to go through this again." I can't promise it as much as I want to, but the odds couldn't be that cruel as to steal me from his grasp. The fates couldn't give him so much just to pluck it away like a flower from our secret garden.

Scooting closer to him I wrap my arms around him and hold him against me. "We're going to be okay. Its just this year and next...and next year I won't have to take out any tessera. So see, we'll make it through." The tears falling down my cheeks come so steady that I don't even bother wiping at them. There's not longer til the reaping, I"ll be a little over half way through the pregnancy by then so maybe I can have the Capitol take them from me if I do get reaped? My head swims trying to find out just what I would do.

"More than anything they'll be luck that they've got a father like you."

I don't care what anyone says I'm glad I'm with Jack. I'm glad that he's their father and even if I can't eat at a few dumb diners it doesn't matter. Squeezing his hand I smile up at him. Purposely avoiding the reaping problem.

Its something we can't avoid but it doesn't need to be up at the front of every topic. I don't know what the policy on pregnant women is, but a few years ago they forced someone to have a surgery to remove the babies from her. I don't even know if I'll be far enough along for that...

"Jack I think you were very lucky to have a family like them, and if you ever need to talk, I promise I'll listen."

"No Jack. I'm not doing that. I'm not scared of the reaping because I won't be reaped." I snuggle up into him. "Just promise me you'll walk me there and wait for me. Don't leave me to do this alone." I've done it for the past 4 years by myself. My parents never even showed up. They didn't want to see my face if I was reaped and I totally understand now. Yet this time, in this siutation, I need him.

I need to know I wasn't alone. That I wasn't going in this empty handed and that I'd have someone to rush to afterwards. Jack is my family now, he's all I have. He's got to be crazy to think that hiding in the woods with all the hovercrafts and peace keepers is a viable idea.

I'm a runner, we all know that, but running from the Capitol is just a death wish. Right now thats not even something I can consider. I have to face the consequences. I have to stand up there, watching as someone's life is changed...ended...but D10 has had a recent victor, so maybe its not too far fetched...but Mace is different than me. He's colder, stronger, rougher...and wasn't 26 weeks pregnant when he was reaped.

One of the babies kicks against Jack's hand and it makes me smile through our kiss. I open my eyes to see his face in a shocked but glowing smile. I can't wait anymore. I need to be his forever so I smile and ask

Marry me Jack."

I love this man. He's the only one I want to be with and spend my life with and even though last time he asked me I couldn't say yes with a clear mind, now...now I want him... no I need him to say yes.