D8 // Charlotte Konstantine [CBD]

( P A R T 1 )

( N A M E ) Charlotte Konstantine
( N I C K N A M E S ) Charlie
( G E N D E R ) Female
( A G E ) Seventeen
( D I S T R I C T / A R E A ) District Eight

Don't try to wake me in the morning
Because I will be gone
Don't feel bad for me
I want you to know
Deep in the cell of my heart I will feel so glad to go

( P A R T 2 )

Dear Friend,

They say if you think you're crazy it means you're not and I really hope that's true, because I think I am. Crazy, I mean. I'm not allowed to wear socks because the elastic is too tight; eat toast because the bread is too sharp; walk because my own body is too fragile and might break itself at any moment and —

My mother would be really mad if she saw me writing to you. Something about paper cuts or how I'll bruise my fingers from holding the pencil too tightly. I can hardly breathe when I think about it, my mind going haywire hectic as I'm trapped in all this stillness. Some days I just want to set myself free... but then the sun sets, the halls of our home echoing with such a cruel reminder that I could never. Every night my mother cries herself to sleep because of me. Because my own blood is destroying itself and I suppose that means I'm dying.

I can see it in the tiny red spots that cover my body like freckles — the places where I'm bleeding through my skin — and bruises a prizefighter would envy. When people look at me, they don't see my wide brown eyes or long, dark hair. My skin is too sallow and lifeless. I want to scream how: "I'M ALIVE!" But to everyone around me, I'm an inevitable ghost.

Then again, I was supposed to be dead years ago. The doctor said I had so few platelets that I "defied the laws of medicine" even as I was sitting there in front of him, a stubborn heartbeat in my chest where he said there shouldn't be one. I've always been good at being impossible. I just wish someone else would believe I'll be alright.

Love always,
Charlie

There is another world
There is a better world
Well, there must be
Well, there must be
Well...

( P A R T 3 )

( T H I N K I N G ) 9FA9A4
( T E X T ) C0C37F
( S P E A K I N G ) E8CBBB
( O T H E R ) B68D75
( O T H E R S P E A K I N G ) 714F47

Bye
Bye
Bye
Bye
Bye

a c k n o w l e d g m e n t s

I just wanted to say about all those listed that there would be no book character without them, and I thank them with all of my heart.

Odair for always knowing the codeword.
Moon Geun Young for her face.
The Smiths for Asleep.
Andorra Konstantine for being a sister.
Nikolai Konstantine for being a brother.
Ratmas 2012 for Concise Character Biographies.

And finally . . .
Stephen Chobosky for writing a beautiful book
and myself for remembering it wrong when I was 14.