Late Night Consequences (10stare)

Slamming the door of the base behind me, I walk furiously past a few gaurds that stand at the door. I don't even glance at them; they know me from all the trouble I've made.
I can feel their eyes on me as I walk into the forest, only calling a few words back.
"I'm going for a walk."
That's all I really need to say. Everyone knows I love to take walks in the middle of the dark, on paths that I've set out for myself. I could've sworn on a few occasions that I heard someone trailing me. When they can't see me anymore, I turn back around, my eyes staring at the base.
I'm sorry Jasik.
My first friend that I made there. The firstr person who didn't treat me oddly.
I'm sorry Ari.
The whole reason I'm alive right now is because of him. I owe him my life. And now, I'm turning my back on him, leaving him.
I'm sorry Flight.
She doesn't need me anymore. She can control the monster just fine. The only pain she'll have of me leaving will be from all the things we've gone through together.
And then I turn away, tears silently streaming down my face, as I walk away. Away from everything.
Soon, I wander off my paths. I want to get lost. To not know where I am or where I'm going. I don't care where I'm going, as long as it's away from here.
My walk is steady, and I keep my eyes ahead. No one needs me. I bring trouble. I was about to do something awful, anyways, I could feel it.
Only a few small words escape my lips, to complete the sentence that I said to the guards.
"I'm not coming back."

(Okey dokey!)

After a long time of walking, I get hungry. I reach down to my boot to get my knife, but it's not there. I frown, and dig around, even pulling off my boot and checking the other one. I search my belt. Nothing.
Shoot, I think angrily. How could you be so stupid?
I turn around, in the direction I came, biting my bottom lip. I really don't want to go back, because if I do, then I'll have to deal with the pain of leaving all over again. Not to mention, I've used the walking excuse. What will be my excuse this time?
But I can't survive without my knife. I'll be dead within a few days.
So I walk back, then quicken into a run. If I'm gone too long, someone might get suspiscious. After I'm gone, fine. Let them be. When I'm back... not fine.
So I run until my lungs are on fire, and then find the path. I slow down and catch my breath, leaning against a tree for support. Soon enough, my breath slows, and I walk back, towards the base.
The guards nod at me, not even asking for a name. I nod back and walk back it. Now, where did I leave that knife...?
I walk into the girls' room, and see the bathroom light on. It has to be Flight. And I'm just too curious to walk away.
I open the door slightly, and then gasp. For as mad at her as I am, my heart nearly breaks at the sight of her, and I realize there is no leaving anymore. Not after I've seen this.
"Flight!" I cry out, and rush towards her.
Her eyes are distant, almost gone...
"Don't leave Flight," I whisper. "I'm here... I'm here... don't leave... it's okay..."
And then the crying starts.

My shoulders are shaking with the sobs, and I can barely hear her. There's a wailing inside me, a pain. I can't loose my only friend.
And then I realize that no matter how much the idea of having friends used to disgust me, I really don't want to loose mine. They are a weakness, but also a strength. Someone to encourage you, to push you when you need it, and help you keep on moving through life.
And I'm about to loose one.
"You left."
The betrayel is obvious in her voice, and it stings. Badly. My throat is tight, and when I attempt to speak, I'm cut off with a choking sound and then more tears. So many tears. Tears of pain, of loss, and of sadness.
I press my lips together, and wait for the choking feeling to go away before I answer her. The words are strangled, forced, but overall, full of depression.
"I had no choice. It was too much."

My eyes wander over her face, and the pain hits me again full force, right in the guts. I look into those empty yellow eyes, the dimming sun.
No, I can't let her go. I won't let her leave. I know she feels betrayed, but there's something in me that knows that when that awful thing comes, it would be best if she weren't there. I can't say I completely regret my choice to leave. But I can say that a tiny part of me wishes I never stepped out that door.
The tears that stream down my face reminds me that she's waiting for me. What can I say? What should I say?
Because right now, I'm unsure if I'll leave again. Not soon, of course. But what if I break again? What if I'm just doing it to protect her, to protect my friends?
So there are a weakness.
And then I look at the girl who actually gave me a life, who's attacked me on numerous occasions, but's also made me laugh at least a million times.
And a stength.
And then I've made my desision.
"I promise if you promise."
Because really, I can't bear to loose her.
I'd be lost in a world of darkness, where there are no stars and there is no moon.
And it would only be a matter of time before I was lost forever.

(Well, knowing Luna's personality, she'd probably act like it never happened.)

When the look of pain crosses over Flight's face, I completely loose it. As if I weren't already crazy enough.
I break down in sobs, desperately grabbing Flight's arm and yanking it, shaking her by the shoulders, and even lightly slapping her face.
"Stay with me Flight!" I say, my eyes wild and wide. "Don't let it take you. You're too strong for that, you haven't lived out your life yet. Don't let it trick you! You're living an amazing life, Flight, and it's just begun. Don't leave, Flight!"
My voice starts from a steady and lead all the way to wailing, and more shaking and pulling and slapping.
"Don't leave me Flight!" I wail, still shaking her shoulders. "You promised! You promised you wouldn't leave!"
Tears are pouring down my cheeks now. "If you leave, I'll have to leave too, Flight! Please, don't leave me here alone! I'm sorry! I'm so, so sorry! Please, don't go!"
My wailing ceases, my my tears still come. For a moment, I sit in the silence. Then I let out a hoarse whisper.
"You promised."

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears

I stare at her as another wave of pain hits her. Her face is lined with pain as she grips my hand so tightly I'm afraid she might break my fingers. Her wail is so tortured, it almost breaks my heart. It sounds like a dying animal. I should know, I've heard some before.

And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

The tears in her eyes match my own, although I'm surprised. It's a rare occasion when Flight cries. And then she begs, pleads with me to stop the pain.
And I really wish I could. I wish I could wipe away her tears and fight away the pain and overall help her. She rarely pleads, so I know that the torture must be truely awful. What a stupid promise, one that will only lead to more pain and hearts that are shattered like a stain glass window.

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

"I'm sorry..." I whisper, my voice so pained it even makes my chest ache. "I wish... I wish I could do... do something..."
I could've done something. I could've never left. I could've stayed and helped her, lent her a hand, just like I always have.
And always will.

When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years

It's all my fault. I really have to face facts now. Or rather, have them face me, since right now I feel to pained and stiff to even look away from her pained face. And they're painfull facts. Facts like that I left her. Like I was selfish. Like if she dies, it'll be all my fault. Just like... but no, they're two different people.
Who just happened to have the same misfortune of knowing me.
I want to run and hide. I want to hide in a dark room with the door closed, so I can huddle into a tight knot and cry until someone comes in to comfort me. But of course, that'll never happen. And besides, how could I leave Flight?

But you still have
All of me

"Just hold onto my hand, Flight," I whisper. "It's gonna be all right. It'll be over soon."
But how would I know? I can only hope I'm not lying to her, not making promises that will soon turn into terrible misleading words. I stare into her eyes, into the dimming sun inside her.
Oh, please don't go out.

(OOC: Whew. At first, I thought this post would be totally short and lame. but the song [My Immortal] really inspired me.)