The Waves. [Ems]

Mizar Roxen

I don't feel like training today. I think to myself as I walk out of the house silently closing the door behind me. I don't feel like fishing today. I don't feel like doing anything today. I take a deep breath as I walk from the house allowing my feet to carry me in the direction they want to go. It's a bad day. Everything I've done today seems to have gone wrong. I've dropped everything I held. I've fought with everyone I came in contact with. I've messed everything up the day I didn't swim after Muscinda. It's my fault she's gone. I could have swam after her and dragged her back to the shore, but I didn't. I let her go because I was in shock. I was too shocked to move. All I was capable of doing was gawk at her. It's why everyone hates me.

My feet stop moving when the sand covers them. I look around realizing I'm at the beach. My heart races inside my chest. My brain screams for me to run away, but I don't want to run. I'm frozen in place. My feet are glued to the ground. It's been a while since I've came to the beach. The memories are too painful. It's been a while since I stepped foot in sand. (It's funny because I'm from District Four. The district that should enjoy water.) I walk towards the edge of the shore line. I sit down on the sand and place my feet in the water allowing the waves to splash down on top of me. I take a deep breath and close my eyes allowing myself to be overcome by the moment. I feel my strongest when I relax myself completely. I stare off into the distance blocking everything out of my mind bringing myself back to the memories of me and Muscinda swimming together when I was young.

Narration 875729
Thoughts 998866
Hearing BB9966
Speech BBAA99
Other DDBB99

Mizar Roxen

I remember when I would beg my sister to go swimming with me. She never wanted to go swimming. She always wanted to train. I never wanted to train with her. I preferred being at the beach swimming. I felt at home when I was swimming. The water was part of me. The water is part of me, but I don't swim often anymore. I train for her. I became the career she wanted me to be. I spend most of my time at the training center becoming the career from District Four. I train every day to go to the games, but deep inside I don't want to go. I don't want to fight in the arena against twenty-three others, but she did, so I train for her. I train to carry on her memory. I train to keep my sister alive.

"Hey there. You look hungry would you like some of the food I brought with me? I could attempt to catch fish as well." I jump at the sound of a guy talking. I look over and face him. How long has he been here? How long has he been trying to talk to me? Who is he? "Uh, sure?" I reply in more of a question unsure of what to say. "Who are you?" I ask as I continue to stare at him. I probably came across rude, but he rudely interrupted me, but I should be polite. "Sorry, I'm Mizar."

Narration 875729
Thoughts 998866
Hearing BB9966
Speech BBAA99
Other DDBB99

Mizar Roxen

I didn't intend to be rude, but it's how I came across. I didn't mean to do anything stupid, but I was trying to visit with my sister. I wanted to see her again. I wanted to know if she was still alive, but I know she's probably dead devoured by the sea creatures because her body was never recovered. Muscinda, if you are out there give me a sign. I need a sign to know you are still alive. Part of me can tell she's still alive, but I have no way of knowing. She disappeared before my own eyes. I saw her swim away, and I just stood there unable to do anything. My feet were glued to the ground as I screamed for her to come back, but she didn't return. She swam away to the ocean leaving me alone. "I'm Samuel, but you can call me Sam for short." I had almost forget he was here. I guess I was hoping he wasn't here, but I can use some company. I look up at him and nod my head letting him know that I heard him. "Why would you be sorry? I'm the one who interrupted you and I apologize for that. Its just I saw you alone on the beach and I wanted to come talk. Nice to meet you Mizar."

This guy, Sam, is very polite. I was rude to him, yet he's still being polite to me. I look at him with my head turned to the side. "I was rude. I shouldn't have just asked 'who are you?' I should have been polite and introduce myself first." My voice escapes my lips before I can stop it. I'm just going to make him mad at me, but I never wanted that to happen. I don't want anyone to be mad at me. I just want to be left alone, but I can't run him off because he's being nice. "Nice to meet you Sam. Thanks." I reply as he sets a plate of food down beside me. I watch as he retrieves his spear, and I feel like running away. I don't feel like training today. I just want to watch the waves crash upon the beach. "I don't want to train today. I just want to watch the waves on the beach don't make me train. Please don't make me train." I want to spend the day talking to my twin. I want to talk to her to figure out why she wanted to train so much.

Narration 875729
Thoughts 998866
Hearing BB9966
Speech BBAA99
Other DDBB99

Mizar Roxen

Can't anyone realize that I don't feel like training today? It should be obvious that I don't want to train. I just want to spend time relaxing as I visit with my sister. Yes, I know my sister is gone, but it doesn't stop me from visiting her. I can sometimes see her beautiful face swimming away from me. I can see the pain that's drawn in her face, but it hurts everyday. I know it probably isn't a good idea to sit here talking to Sam, but for some reason, I don't want to be rude. I don't want to run him away from me. I don't want him to leave me like Muscinda did. I don't want to be alone anymore, but I don't need people bugging me constantly. But he's trying to be polite. He even gave me food.

"So you don't want to train? You are just going to fish?" I ask still confused. Every time I see a spear, someone wants me to throw it, or stab some stupid dummies with it. If I had to choose a weapon, it wouldn't be a spear. It would be a sword, but I don't want to train. I don't want to hold any weapons today. "I started training three years ago. I made a promise to Muscinda that I would train for her. She trained constantly. She never wanted to go to the beach with me, so I feel it's my fault she's gone. Training is the least I can do for her, but I don't want to. I don't want to train." He's going to think I'm stupid. He's going to think I'm dumb for training even though I don't want to.

Narration 875729
Thoughts 998866
Hearing BB9966
Speech BBAA99
Other DDBB99

Mizar Roxen

I look at him wishing I wouldn't have said anything. I'm thinking without speaking. I do that a lot. I didn't know what I had said until I had already said it. It's none of his business about my sister. It's nobody's business about her, but my brain let it slip. I'm careless about what I do. I don't care anymore because she's gone. She's gone without me. I take a deep breath before turning back towards the ocean in front of me. Muscinda, I need help. I need you to be here with me. I need a sign. I've messed up again. I ruin everything. I didn't tell him much. I didn't tell him she died. I just said she's gone. I hate myself for it, but it's all good.

"Muscinda was just someone I was really close to. She was the career. I wasn't the career. I don't want to go into the games, but she did. I still don't want to go into the games because I don't want to die. I don't want to have the honor of representing District Four in the games. I just want to be left alone to die of old age." What have I done? Muscinda, I miss you. Please give me a sign. I look away from him again unsure of what do to. I just want to jump in the ocean and follow after Muscinda. I can be with her, but something holds me to this place.

Narration 875729
Thoughts 998866
Hearing BB9966
Speech BBAA99
Other DDBB99

Mizar Roxen

He's not running away from me. Maybe I didn't ruin everything. I take another deep breath as I continue to stare out into the ocean. I love the waves that crash onto the beach. The sound of the sea is amazing. It's calming and peaceful. It takes away all the pain that I'm feeling throughout the day. It takes away everything that bothers me. I don't feel like swimming. I don't feel like training. I just want to be left alone to stare into the ocean. It's painful to be like this, but I know it's for the best. Everything will work out. I'll see Muscinda again one day. I'll see her with her bright eyes shining upon me. I miss you. I really miss you.

I watch as he takes his spear and holds it to his neck. I want to lunge after him to tell him nothing in this world is that bad to end your own life, but the games are bad. The games take away the lives of innocent children, yet I train for them to keep my sisters memory alive. I train for them because Muscinda trained for them. Nothing will be the same, but nothing is worth taking your own life over it. "Don't take your life. It's not worth taking your own life over. Nothing is worth ending your own life over, or I would have died a long time ago."

Narration 875729
Thoughts 998866
Hearing BB9966
Speech BBAA99
Other DDBB99

Mizar Roxen

"Until I'm nineteen I wont have anything to live for. Right now half of my family practically wants me dead." It irritates me that he's talking like this. Half of his family wants him dead. At least he has family. Some people don't have family. Some people doesn't have family that wants them dead. At least you have family. I don't have anything to look forward to. My family is gone. My sister walked away and disappeared. She's gone because I couldn't save her. It's my fault she's dead. It's my fault I promised to train to become a career. He throws the spear into a tree, and part of me relaxes slightly, but I'm still annoyed.

"At least you have a family. Half of them may want you dead, but you have half a family to go home to. My parents don't exist anymore. My sister walked away and disappeared. She's the reason I train to be a career. I should want to be dead because I would meet them all again, but I'm not willing to die until my number has been called for me to die. I have nothing to live for, but I still live." I know I came across harsh, but it's what needs to be said. It may make him realize that life isn't that bad after all. If I can live my life without wishing I was dead, so can he.

Narration 875729
Thoughts 998866
Hearing BB9966
Speech BBAA99
Other DDBB99