Rowan Falls D3 ----> Done

Rowan Falls

The looks of an angel: 

I cross my legs carefully and sit down next to the dirty puddle, my head cast down. I shift my gaze to the puddle in front of me and look carefully at my reflection that floats in the murky water. My gold blond hair floats in the cool gentle breeze framing my round face. My hair is cropped short and only reaches my shoulders. I have never liked my hair as it is dead straight and I can’t do much with it. I really don’t know where I got my hair as my parents’ both have curly brown hair that is soft and lovely. Sometimes I think I don’t even belong in the family as I look nothing like them and I feel left out. I shake my head with annoyance and me reflection just becomes a blur in the water. 

I stroke my hair and let my fingers run through it but then I’m distracted by my eyes that are glowing in the dim light. My eyes have always been my favorite feature of myself as they are just really pretty and I always get compliments about them. My eyes are a bright blazing blue that are surrounded by long black eyelashes. Just for the sake of it, I bat my lashes and I giggle at my reflection as I know I would look silly to anyone else who sees me. I don’t understand why people think it’s weird to accept who you are as most people want to change something about themselves. But I've come to accept myself for who I am and I wouldn't want to change anything, even my stupid hair. 

I run my slim finger through the puddle which disrupts the water and my reflection becomes a huge puddle of swirling colors. I wipe my finger on my dirty tattered clothes and clasped my arm and brought my knees up to my chest. I looked down at my hand that has hold of my arm. My fingers are dirty and callouses are starting to form on them and my fingernails are torn and swollen. My hands really did contrast with my arm though. On my arm the skin was pale with a light dusting of fine hair covering the skin and a bit of dirt was scattered across it. At least some parts of mean are better looking than others. I stand up slowly and give one last glance at the puddle and then I turn away and walk down the deserted street.      

The Mind game: 

I sometimes feel like I’m on the edge of insanity. It’s like I’m walking on a thin brick wall that splits my mind in two. On one half I can see a place of happiness and humanity. It’s full of bright colors and flowers where I can relax and feel at home. On the other side I see depression, anger and craziness. What I see on that half is a place full of death, wastelands and blackness. I know it sounds weird and you would expect the side with butterflies and flowers to call m, but no, that’s not the case. I like the sound of danger and excitement and walking through a place that can attack with any kind of thing or monster. So here I am in my mind standing on this thin wall, looking at each side and if I slip lose my balance could go either. If I do slip I hope land into the pit of darkness and excitement it just sounds my fun. 

I use to be a sweet girl when I was younger but when I hit 12 and I could go in the reaping for the Hunger Games it’s like something snapped and cut me off from the sweet innocent girl. Well that is okay with me as she was such a wimp and now without her occupying my mind I feel stronger and more confident with myself. I’m sure my parents have noticed the change of attitude and personality as I have become more moody and aggressive but what can I do? I still have some kindness in me, I guess. Like I won’t just walk away from a cat that’s rolling around on its back waiting for attention. I will give it a pat and then walk away. Sometimes this bad attitude will come out and then I would just kick it or something but that only has happened once. I mean I’m not all bad am I? 

Well anyway I can feel in my heart that I do have a part inside of me which is left for love, happiness and kindness but it’s just so hard to access that part of me ya know. Welcome come on if you were in my situation and has to beg for food from their own parents and do well at something to get attention from them I’m sure you would feel exactly how I do. This part of me is somewhere deep inside of me and I just have to find a way to access it so I can be how I use to. But then again some part of me doesn't want to live like I use to. Sucking up to people and being a good girl. No, I want to nice but not have to suck up to people, I want to be a rebel but have good girl side of me. But most of all I want to be myself and not have to hide who I am.  

A sudden flashback:  

So here I am walking down the street towards my house and I have a sudden image of a time where I was that good girl who helped out other people. So there I was standing there on the path just outside my house my nine year old self. I heard a shriek and I took off, bolting down the street towards the sound and I rounded the corner to see my little brother being attack by a cat. He was yanking at its tail while the cat dug its claws into my brother’s face. So I run towards them letting out a loud battle cry and dove in grabbing the cat around the torso and pulling it off the boy’s face. I then chucked the cat and it ran away howling in pain. Well that’s what I wish happened but no. There I was running towards my little brother who was whining in fear because he got lost. So anyway I use to be a very caring sister so I knelt down in front of him and wrapped my arms around him trying to sooth him and telling everything would be alright. Soon his big racking sobs turned it to sniffles as he wiped away the snot and tears off his face. So as the caring sister I was I pulled him to 

his feet grabbed his hand and took him home. 

Well those were the good days. 

So now I’m in a different place and in a different memory. There I stood in front of my parents as they glared at me and I stood there with my head down looking at the floor in shame. They held in their hand a school report ranting on about how this wasn't good enough because I had three B’s and all the rest where A’s. I mean I did try my hardest but they expect so much from me. My cheeks burned bright red as I begged them to forgive me for my dumbness but on they went saying how I let the family reputation drop and that I should be ashamed of myself and that I was lucky they kicking me out. I remember the feel of tears stinging my eyes and how they rolled down my cheek. Then I remembered how my father came up to me and told me I should stop crying this instant as I was embarrassing them. I tried to calm myself and swiped at the tears that dripped down my face, breathed in deep and squared my shoulders. Then I felt the pain and stinging pinpricks of my father’s hand hitting my face. I cried out in pain and clutched the cheek he had just smacked. My eyes started to water but I held the tears back turned away from my horrible parents with perfect head and fled the house not looking back. 

So there I was out on the streets alone and I couldn't face the humiliation of going back home and also the fear that would always clench my heart if I went back. No, I was never going back to that horrible place. I had nowhere to go though so I sat down and leaned back against the wall behind me and let the sorrow take control of me. I sat for seemed like hours and all I could do was sit and stare into space. I had no friends at school to which I could stay with as I was a freak to them and now I had no parents as I was never going back. I held desperately onto the hope that some nice people would invite me to stay with them but I doubted that very much. I felt like needed to cry but no tears came, all I could do was sit and stare. 

Sit and stare, seconds ticked by into minutes and then into hours and then what felt like an eternity I got up and walked and walked and walked.       

codeword: odair