Quincey Rose; d11 - done

Knives twist deep into crystalline skin and expose crimson deception. Whispers of sorts. Staring at me with china-doll eyes, burying the pain I forgot I was longing to see. I am not a product of myself, am I? I am not even sane.

You see, my name is not Quincey Eleanor Rose. I am not even human. 

No, I am a monster. A demon. A nightmare. And I have come to eat your children, and rape your wives, and pretend that everything is okay. Nothing is wrong here, alright??


... They're afraid of me. I know they're afraid of me. My scream shatters their peace, but the blood is running further and further into their lies. "It's alright, Quincey. There, there. Everything is going to be alright. I promise."

STOP LYING TO ME.

I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. I don't care. 


I don't care, I'm safe here. I'm safe. I'm safe. I'm safe. They can't find me here. I'm safe. 

Help me, please help me. I'm scared. I'm alone. Help me, please.

Don't help me. Don't you dare help me. Go away. Fuck you. Fuck you. FUCK YOU.

You see it's not the demons that haunt me, it's myself. I live in my own head. I string my own fate with every raven strand of hair that I pull from my scalp in hysteria. I am not crazy, I am not crazy. You're the crazy one, I'm sane. I'm just trying to protect myself, you hear? I'm just trying to keep porcelain skin safe from the burns and the blades. From the scary ones. They're trying to kill me... please, you got to listen. I can't help it. I can't stop. It's trying to kill me. Please. You got to help me. Please. 

"Shh, Quincey. Moss is going to be okay. She'll be fine, dear. I promise. You're fine. They aren't going to hurt you."

I'm going to die. I am going to die. There is nothing I can do to stop my impending fate. My death. They took Moss and they're going to take me next. Oh ripred, what did I do to deserve this? I just want to live. I just want to live. Oh please, let me live. Please. I'll do anything. Don't take me. Don't kill me. Don't eat me. Don't. Don't. Don't. Please. 

Help me, please help me. I'm frightened. I'm abandoned. Help me, please.

Stop it. Leave me alone. Leave me the fuck. alone. Go fuck yourself. Go eat dirt, you shithole. GO DIE. 

You're an asshat, you know that? A bitch. A slut. Filthy. I fucking hate you. 

I'm so ashamed of you. I'm so ashamed... of this. What the fuck have I become? Who is this monster? 

I deserve to die, don't I? I deserve to get taken away, shipped off to the capitol just like Moss. But instead I'm here and I'm making you miserable, aren't I? You hate me. I know you do. Stop lying to me, I know you hate me. I know you can't stand me. I know you want me to go away.

It's because I'm ugly, isn't it? I can't even dress like a normal person. I wear all black. I cover myself in soot and dust and eyeliner and lipstick and I pretend that I don't exist. If I make myself dark, will you ignore me? Will I finally blend in?

I hate being so pale. I fucking hate it. I look like a goddamn ghost in this sea of people. Everyone is dark in District Eleven. Whether from the sun or from their DNA (that's some fancy grade-school term for you. I wouldn't know. I stopped going when I was eight. They laughed at me. I don't want to see them. I just want to hide...)

My parents protect me. They tell the world I'm sick. They let me scream. They let me hide. They let me hurt myself.

My parents are monsters. My parents are monsters. My parents are monsters.

... no, I'm the monster. I'm disgusting, and they hate me. Everyone hates me. I'm such a fuck up, I'm such a --

FUCK YOU. I TOLD YOU TO GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE. WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING HERE?

Listen to me, listen to me. Please. I need help. I can't escape this iron cage. I can't leave. They've got me locked up. They've got me in pain. They're trying to kill me. They're trying to forget me. Please. I need you.

Just leave me alone. Just leave me alone. Please, please, please. Go away. Leave me alone. Please.

I'm so scared. I'm so tired, oh ripred am I tired. I'm losing blood, aren't I? My skin tears apart as easily as a piece of paper. It's already riddled with scars. That's why I dress the way I do. Long sleeves, leggings, boots. Nobody can see the real me. They would just reject me anyway. Everyone does at some point. I'm unlovable. God, I am unlovable. I can't do this anymore.

I can't.

I can't stop it. Moss wouldn't be proud of me, would she? She'd laugh at me. God, that must be why they stole her. They take all the good from the world and pretend that they're good. They think they are the angels. Maybe they are and we're just the ghouls. Maybe we're the forgotten ones. We're all in this together.

No we aren't. It's just me. It's always been me.

They should have taken me. Why didn't I volunteer? Am I that selfish?

I'm only fourteen. I'm just a child. I'm just a...
I'm just a monster. 

I want to die. Please. 

I'm scared. Oh god I'm scared.

I just want to sleep.

I am going to sleep.

I can't handle this anymore. I can't look you in the eye and pretend I'm a good person. No, it's not going to be alright. My name is Quincey Rose, and I am a liar. A coward. A thief. A slut. A hag. An anorexic. A demon. A monster. A ghoul. A nightmare. 

Help me. Please help me. I can't do this without you. Please. 

I'm going to sleep now. Please. 

I'm going to sleep. Don't follow me.

You wouldn't be able to handle the things I see. 

Don't follow me.

Go away.

Die.

words: 1033
codeword: oDair
plot: Rose Family