marco bodt [peackeeper]

shrimp
Retired Staff

1,953 POSTS
Pronouns: he/his
last seen Oct 19, 2020 18:16:41 GMT -5

marco bodt [peackeeper] Mar 8, 2014 16:40:18 GMT -5

Post by shrimp on Mar 8, 2014 16:40:18 GMT -5

- tactician
- natural born leader
- friendly
- charismatic
- naive and idealistic
- low self confidence

I don't take compliments well.

My face turns a ruddy red and the only thing I can do is laugh because quite frankly who in their right mind wants to compliment me, out of all the people in our entire squad?

Last Edit: Mar 9, 2014 3:07:39 GMT -5 by shrimp

shrimp
Retired Staff

1,953 POSTS
Pronouns: he/his
last seen Oct 19, 2020 18:16:41 GMT -5

marco bodt [peackeeper] Mar 9, 2014 2:23:58 GMT -5

Post by shrimp on Mar 9, 2014 2:23:58 GMT -5

M A R C O B O D T

M A L E
TWENTY S I X
C A P I T O L
P E A C E KEEPER
odair

I don't take compliments very well.

My spotted face turns a ruddy red and the only thing I can do is laugh or kind of glance down at my shoes with mumbled "thank yous" because quite frankly who in their right mind wants to compliment me, out of all the people in our entire squad? I'm okay, I know that much; but everyone else is good. Mikasa and Annie (maybe it's a bit sad but I'll still consider her a member of our squad, even if it's just honorably so)'s 3D Maneuvering skills are inspiring and Armin's tactician skills are top-notch and Sasha always knows what to do when things take a turn for the worse - everyone has their strengths (and weaknesses too of course but that's what makes us human).

If I had to pick something I'd have to say that I can keep calm under fire. Eren once told me that I would be a great leader, but I'm not so sure, to be honest. I can make plans only because I observe, only because I know who's the weakest link in the chain. And frankly, most of the time that's me. I'm not having a pity-party - that's a fact. It's not that I'm bad at what I do because how else would I have gotten here - it's just that I'm not as good as they are. My form isn't as tight, and in a world where speed is everything I lag behind by a good five feet or so. I'm better on the ground, with the kids who just want to go home, not fight god-knows-what out in the wilderness. At least I know how to take care of people.

Maybe that's what Eren meant - I'm a people person. I know that much about myself. People deserve to be happy, and if that means I have to go out of my way to cheer someone up or root someone on I'm happy to do that. If that means that I have to suffer for the good of many then I'll take on the burden (I'm not as strong as Atlas though, I don't know how much I really can bear). If it means a sacrifice for the sake of humanity, then I suppose that will have to happen.

If Jean were here right now, he would call me stupid. In a way, he's probably right. At the same time he's completely wrong. I'd point him out on that too; you can't measure one life as being better than another. We're on this earth to protect each other, to make sure people can go on living - it's why I took an oath as a Peacekeeper, why I was shunned by those who thought I could do better. They just wanted to protect me as much as I wanted to protect them; I just expressed it differently, with a smile and a laugh instead of turning my back in a pitiful attempt to halt the tides, to reel me back in, kicking and screaming.

I know they're trying though, in a way - the few times I go back home my exceedingly large family doesn't talk about my line of work (they're too busy gossiping about the latest fashion trend or making sure that the loin went in the oven exactly fifty-two minutes ago because it has to be turned over halfway through the cooking time) and when it is brought up they avoid the subject. But I always get a reassuring pat on the back, a faint smile. It still hurts a bit, but not as much as it did nine years ago.

"The Police," they had spat. "Why not go into law, or politics - you always had the right mindset for that. Lots more money too, and you're less likely to get shot at by some deranged lunatic looking for its next kill."

But you can't change anything unless you put yourself out there; I can't help keep the Peace if I don't risk everything in my power to do such. It makes no sense to say something but not back it up, to wax rhetoric about how doing the right thing is important while accepting bribes under the table, yelling that laws need to be changed while being stuck listening to precedents set years in the past.

"You're too weak," they said. "Too delicate. Training will eat you alive. Go and further your education; you've got the grades for it." They tried to burn my application, tried to hide my acceptance letter. Tried to force me to say "yes" to anything but the life that I need to live. And for the first time I hated them, I hated them with every fiber of my being and I told them that when I left to stay at my boyfriend's house until things cooled down. The scalding hot boiling didn't turn to simmers until years later, after I had my own place, after I was my own person who didn't have to do what anyone else told me to do. I tried to accept their apology. I'm still trying, I suppose.

They're my flesh and blood after all, and they always said that blood was thicker than water. We share the same dark-brown hair that refuses to stay down, the same chocolate eyes that I never knew could be cold until I refused their commands, the same freckles that adorn our cheeks and noses and every spot on our crackled skin. The same sugarcoating I wish I could dust off.

But I don't force anything on anyone. I don't shove a way of life that's not mine to decide into someone else's path. I don't use two-faced compliments to get what I want. It's my job to be honest, not covered with so many masks that I can't tell myself from the plastic.

It's hard though, it's hard when all your life you've been subtly manipulated to something that isn't you. Compliments and purple prose are still a sore spot for me. I never know when someone's being genuine or layering on the bullshit just to get me to do something for them. Transparency is what makes me smile, sometimes laugh.

Clear as crystals, that's what I want to be. Clear as crystals.

Last Edit: Mar 9, 2014 3:08:17 GMT -5 by shrimp

shrimp Retired Staff 1,953 POSTS Pronouns: he/his last seen Oct 19, 2020 18:16:41 GMT -5	marco bodt [peackeeper] Mar 9, 2014 3:08:31 GMT -5 Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by shrimp on Mar 9, 2014 3:08:31 GMT -5 i think this is done??

cass Retired Staff 4,822 POSTS last seen Oct 24, 2021 18:11:43 GMT -5	marco bodt [peackeeper] Mar 9, 2014 5:39:20 GMT -5 Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Member Give Gift Back to Top Post by cass on Mar 9, 2014 5:39:20 GMT -5 breathes heavily omg omg omg ermahgawd this is fabulous this is beautiful u r perfect amirite??? damn right this is accepted <333