Being Alone isn't a Crime (Poco+A_Million_Arrows)

Nicolette "Nico" Berry

"Wow, collecting stones? Thats must be uncommon, but I like it. Really cool actually." I smiled and started shrugging my shoulders together again. My father was making me kind of uncomfortable. When she told me which house she was living in, it didn't take long for me to get a clear picture in my head. I walk passed that house everyday when i go to the training. Honestly, I thought that house was really beautiful, and I decided to tell her. "Oh that house! Such a beautiful colour" I shake my head a little bit dreamy, I really appreciate beautiful colour, maybe its connected to the fact that I'm a painter.

"yes that's right I can't wait to see you tomorrow." She tells me, before running away. I got suprised by the running, it seemed kind of off. I looked after her, smiling. It didn't matter. She gave me a hug and told me she couldn't wait to see me. That had to mean we were friends, right? With almost a big of jumping in my step, I went in to the house.

"So who's that girl?" My dad was standing in the hallway as I arrived. Not seeing him at first, I took a scared little jump into the air and made some sort of screamish noice. "Oh gosh daddy, I didn't see you there" He didn't smile, just shook his head in a disappointed way. "You are like a nervous horse, you have to get braver Nico. Now who was that girl? Is she a career?" I looked down at the floor, he wouldn't enjoy this. "No.. But she's really nice daddy! I finally made a friend. Her name is Lupas and she lives just down the street. I promise it won't interupt my training" I tried to smile while taking of my shoes. He could really destroy my happiness. "But Nico, you don't need friends. Only allies" He told me. I just sighed. "No Daddy, but I want friends. And I really enjoy spending time with Lupas!" He started to get mad, so he grabbed my elbow pushing me inside the house, and pulled the door closed with a big boom. "If I say no, I mean no" He said, leaving our little conversation.

As I was walking upstairs, tears were streaming down my face. I couldn't belive he could be so cruel. He couldn't even grant me the slightest little drop of happiness. I slammed the door when entering my room, and just fell into a big pile on my bed. It only took a few minutes, before I heard somebody sneaking into my bedroom. My mother sat down on the end of my bed. "Honey.." She had never called me that before. Never anything like it. We barely spoke to eachother, but she was a lot nicer than dad. Sometimes I think she regrets marrying him. "Why are you so sad?" she asked while stroking my hair. "After 17 years, 17 years I finally make one friend. ONE. And daddy won't allow me to see her." I could her my mother sighning, but to my suprise, she told me something different then I was expecting. "Maybe you don't need his allowance.." I sat up straight, staring at her. "You are almost a grown-up. I think you should see your friend. She seems nice" My eyes were kind of swollen from all the crying, but I still could see the frightment in her eyes. Never before had she doubted my father, especially not in raising me. He had always had the top hand. "I can try to convince him tomorrow when he has calmed down a little. I'll cover for you so you can go see her when you want to" I couldn't keep myself together, so I just threw myself in her arms, crying. "Mom thank you. Why would you do that? Why would you stand up to daddy for me?" She kept stroking my hair. "Nico, you are my little girl, and I know I haven't really been showing it, but I love you. And things are going to be better from now on. I promise" I just kept on crying. At the same second as i thought it, she answered my question. "I just saw you out there today talking to that girl, and I realized how much you been missing out. I never seen you this happy. And I want you to be happy, I honestly do" She kissed me on the forehead, another thing she never done before, then she left the room. My mother had pretty much ignored me my entire life, but at this moment it became clear to me. She never wanted me to be a souless hungergames machine. She just wanted a regular child with friends, who played with dolls instead of knives. It seemed almost like she been scared of me, and just woke up from seeing me being anything else than what my father created me to be.

I woke up that morning, with sunshine in my eyes. I was dancing around my room to a popular track playing on the radio. As I was dancing, I made some stops. I usually did it this way. I was dancing around while brushing my hair, while getting my make up, while choosing my clothes. I of course had to make stops to actually put them on though. I had a long morning routine, it usually took about 2 hours. Today, I was way to excited for that though. I was in such a hurry, I by accedent but my blue tanktop on inside out. Luckily, I noticed and switched it back. A pair of slimfit black jeans, the blue tanktop and a knitted white pullover had to do. Lupas probably didn't care what I was wearing, and since it was still rather cold I prefered wearing jeans. I danced down to the kitchen and eat some cereal. My mother looked happier than usual, she winked playfully at me when I was telling dad about going to training.

With my leather boots on, I almost melodicly dancing down the street. My father had always told me I couldn't dance in public, but if i was breaking one rule, I might aswell break another. I easily climbed over the fence. She was already there, Lupas I mean. I waved at her, and caugt up with her pretty fastly. I gave her a fast hug. "How are you?" I asked her. I was in such a good mood, this was going to be a great day.

Nicolette "Nico" Berry

"I'm pretty good. How are you? I was worried about whether your father was going to let you come after the way he was looking at me last night." She said. How could she have known? She apologized for her rude behavior, even though I didn't think she was rude at all. I knew my dad could be intense, and even scary at times. But her statement really shocked me, still I decided to tell her the truth. "Honestly he didn't want me to go. He can be really unfair and shallow at times. He doesn't want me to hang out with you because you're not a career. He thinks that it will harm me to think about something else then those stupid games" I felt ashamed of my father. He could be so unsensitive. Did I think the games were stupid? Really? Was I changing? I didn't know. I couldn't make my mind up. Everything had just been so confusing since yester day "That's great. Yes I'm fine to. Actually, I'm fantastic. Something weird happened though, my mother took my side. She has never done that before, but she's covering for me now. I realized, just yesterday that my mother never wanted me to be a career" For Lupas, that wasn't as big news as for me. She probably thought it was kind of normal, but for me that was a revolutionary thought. She actually seemed that way, that she didn't want me to go into that arena. She didn't want her only child to become a murderer, or murdered.

I had this nervous but yet excited feeling in my stomach. Things really seemed to be turning around for me. I made a new friend just by such a coincidence and my mother seem to actually care about my well-being. Today was going to be a great day, hanging out with Lupas and so on. Here Nico, it is a gift for you. To show how much I value our new found friendship." I got so suprised. She got me a gift? That was so sweet. But I felt a little bit ashamed that I hadn't brought her anything. "Oh no, Lupas you didn't have to.. I didn't get anything for you" I carefully opened the rapping, and just stared at the throwing knife inside it. "Wow" I mumbled, letting my fingertips slide across the blade. "Wow this is to much, Lupas. How did you ever get this? I can't accept it, its so beautiful but you have to keep this. It's so beautiful." I had a lot of throwing knives at home, but non of them as artistic as this one. Even though I really loved it, and I couldn't belive how nice it was of Lupas trying to give it to me, I just couldn't accept it. It was to much, it was to beautiful to just give away like that.

Nicolette "Nico" Berry

Lupas looks sincerely happy to give me the beautiful knife, but I still felt rather ashamed for not bringing her anything. The knife was way to beautiful and expensive to. I could easily tell that it wasn't cheap. Money was probably not a big problem for her family, judging by the way she dressed and which part of town she lived in, but anyways. "Oh thank you Lupas.. I really love it, but tell me anytime if you change your mind" I continued to stroke the blade, it was really sharp even though the knife was more the artistic-style then the actual combat sort.

She begin walking deeper into the tree grove and I silently follow her. "Come on I heard some birds deeper in the grove a little bit and I really wanna see your throwing knife skills. If you know what I mean." This girl sure was exciting, very different than I had imagined her to be. I smiled as I was sneaking in closer, trying not the scare of the birds. "Are you sure?" I asked her. For many people, hunting wasn't the most satisfying. I gotten used to it, since my father told me how to hunt in an early age. I had to learn to collect food in the arena, since it wasn't often served on a silver plate. I had to be prepared for everything, so hunting was only one of the many different skills I collected. I prefered training my throwing on something that wasn't alive though. Even if I could handle the killing, I didn't enjoy it. If she wanted to see, it would be rude of me not to show her though. I threw the knife up in the air, spinning it around in a little circle before catching it right by the handle. It only took a few seconds after that to aim. I always closed my right eye before judging the distance. The knife spun out of my hand, reaching towards the bird and hitting right in the eye. It died instantly. The birds arounded lifted from the ground, spreading their wings and flying away.

Nicolette "Nico" Berry

At first, Lupas looks really excited. When she complimented me on my throwing, I just smiled a little shyly. "Thank you" I was suprised that she enjoyed watching that, from what I've known most of the kids that aren't careers aren't that used to seeing death. And I was right, because a couple of minutes later she stormed out, looking terrified. I started nervously twisting my hair around my finger. She must think I'm a monster. I am a monster. Killing innocent birds. Why did I do that? It wasn't even necessary. And biggest question, did I do it not to be rude to Lupas or for my own satisfaction? Had I already become a monster? I swallowed the guilt and shame I felt, and carefully picked the bird up. I dragged the knife out of the little birds head, leaving a big gash through its head.

With a shameful look I went out, suprised to see Lupas there. I thought she might had ran away. Maybe she would. She was so pure and innocent somehow. Why would she want to be friends with me? "Lupas, I'm sorry. You know it went straight through the brain, so he could barely even notice it happening before it was done. No pain at least" I felt so ashamed of myself, so I just kept petting the bird. Like that would help, it was already dead. "I'm sorry I shouldn't have done that, it's really horrifying. My dad forced me the first time when I was a child so I'd get used to it. I'm super unsensitive and I really can't relate to others peoples feelings. Please forgive me" I just didn't know what to do. A part of my wanted to crawl into a little pile of human and cry until the end of my days, another part was furious. That part just wanted to kill, which made me feel even more awful. I turned the bird around in my hands so you couldn't se the gash so clearly. It looked really peaceful. "We can bury it if you'd like.. Not really that it would help but.."

Nicolette "Nico" Berry

It takes a few seconds for me to understand that Lupas actually turned the cards by apologizing to me. Why would she do that? She didn't do anything wrong. I just shook my head laughing in a friendly way. "This is so werid, you apologizing to me while I'm apologizing to you.." I smiled at her. "I don't mind that at all. But I guess we're even, ey?" I grabbed a tree branch and easily lifted myself up. I leaned forward lying on my stomach.

It only takes a few seconds between that and Lapas brother to come running. Apparently their little sister is sick, and it seems to be serious. A big knot is being created in my stomach, i feel so bad for her. Not only Lupas, but her sister and the entire family. But she'll be fine, right? They start running towards the hospital, and Lupas gives me one of those looks. I think it meant that I should come along. But what if it didn't and I'll be in the way? I started running after them, if Lupas needed me I couldn't abandoned her. I just couldn't.

When getting to the hospital, I just waited outside. Her younger sister was very cute, but she looked sick. Pale and unhealthy. I started parading back and forth in the hall, nervous as I was. Hospitals had always made me uncomfortable. I honestly don't know why. It got worse when I had to live here for an entire month after breaking four of my ribs after falling from a tree. I climbed a lot as a child, but I gave all of that up when I got older. My dad wanted me to continue, climbing is a good knowledge. He destroyed it for me by standing at the ground and screaming I didn't do it fast enough. I just haven't been enjoying it the same ever since. I walked towards the window to the hospital room and smiled comforting at Lupas

Nicolette "Nico" Berry

I let my finger slide along with the glass of the window. My finger left som markings, not really that it made any difference. I can't belive how unfair life is at times, why was it that little innocent girl in there fighting for her life? It would have been more fair if it was me being sick. For godsake I just killed someone. It was just a bird, but anyways. Maybe it was a little bird-sister, or a bird-mother leaving her little babies all alone to starve. That young girl in there, a bird in the tree grove. Did it really make any difference? Wasn't it incredibly cruel life? We had this one life, filled of love and hope just so each and every piece of it could be ripped away at any point? The anger started rising inside me. How would do that, to that innocent little sister?

When Lupas walked out to the corridor, I froze. I didn't know what to say, I never lost anyone. For godsake I never even had someone that meant as much as her sister did to her. What could I possible say that would have any value at all to Lupas? I am probably the worst person you could possibly be around when feeling blue. As fast as anybody needed comforting, I intentionally walk the otherway. I sat down next to her, let my entire body sink down into a pile leaning towards the wall. "I'm so sorry this happend to you" I grabbed her hand in both of mine, warming her hand in the middle. It was werid, touching somebody else. "I can't belive how unfair this is. I'm sure she's going to be fine though. She's a real fighter, isn't she?" I had no idea, but had she taken anything from her sister, she'd be fine. I didn't know Lupas well, but she was just a surviver somehow. She was that kind of girl that just managed, and while managing even had time to think about others. "I wish I could say anything to make you feel good. But I really can't. I'm just sorry" I bit my lip, yeah i was possibly the worst ever on being a good friend.