Crest O'Leary [D9]

Crest O'Leary

It’s who we are
Doesn’t matter if we’ve gone too far
Doesn’t matter if it’s all okay
Doesn’t matter if it’s night or day

"Lanky, ugly, crybaby, wimp, idiot, weak, weirdo."

I've heard it all too often, so why does it still get to me so easily? They call my lanky cos I'm all tall, skinny and awkward, they call my ugly cos I look a lot like my brother, long and crooked nose, brown greasy hair, spots showing up across my body. They call me crybaby cos their insults get to me so easily, they hurt, like dagger digging into my skin, and so I always start sobbing, sometimes right then and there or sometimes I get home and proceed to sob in my room. I know I'm so hideous and I hate it. They call me wimp cos I'm too scared too scared to fight em back, I can't even swing a punch, I don't like violence, no point in it you know? They call me idiot just cos they can and there's nothing I can do about it. They call me weak because I'm all of the above.

I don't know what to say about the kids at my school; other than the fact I hate them - I'm not exaggerating, I hate them- I guess you could call it bullying. They call me names, laugh at me, push me to the ground, take my stuff -my new stuff mind you, with the money Colgate's money brought to us- and I hate them for it. One of the most frequently used insults is the word ugly that one hurts the most to be honest. I try not to see myself as ugly, I try to keep my head up high, higher than the clouds in the sky, higher than the flying creatures Colgate fought in the games.

But that's impossible when people insult your very body at every turn. My hair is dark brown, short and greasy (less greasy than when we were poor) and my eyes are dark brown. Am I really so repulsive that kids need to target me on it nearly everyday? I'm quite tall for my age, I guess tallness is just a thing all O'Leary's have; even when I'm older I'll still be growing. I was always one of the tallest in my class. I stand at 5'9 so I am very tall. But I'm also skinny and people say my height makes me really awkward as well. I just don't know what to do with all this height, it's a bit funny at times but not when people start laughing at me for it. I'm real skinny, only about 134 pounds (we can afford scales now).Does me being tall and skinny make me ugly? Is the awkwardness make me a failing, gross human?

Maybe it's my face, maybe my face is what makes people laugh at me and call me names. My short, brown greasy hair that no one wants to run their hands through, or maybe it's because dark brown eyes are just a laughable or unattractive colour. My nose, maybe having a long, crooked nose. It's crooked because one time there was this huge, stocky kid who lifted boxes in a shop. He swung and me and clipped me right across the nose, breaking it, making it bleed and leaving it crooked. I was nine at the time and of course I fell to the ground and bawled like a baby. It got fixed but stayed really crooked, so people like to call me 'beak face' as well. Or sometimes if they're feeling extra nasty they'll call me 'wonky beak face' cos it's so long and went crooked. I'm not a bird! I'm a human, and my brother's a super hero who kills villains with his axes, I'm not just beak face, at least I think I'm not.

At least things can't get any worse, I mean sometimes my brother Scope will come and show the bullies what's what but it's never enough, a few of them may stop for a little bit but then it always carries on, I'd tell them to leave me alone or I'd get my brother Scope on them but then they'd laugh, call me sad and then shove me to the ground. So after that I guess he just won't help me any more. Now I tell them that my brother Colgate is a super hero and to leave me alone or he'll throw an axe in their face like he did to the drunk, blonde villain on Day 8 but then they'd burst out laughing, call me freak or weirdo then shove me to the ground again.

It's quite annoying cos it would get my brand new clothes dirty, before Colgate won I could be found in second hard, ragged, slightly torn clothes clinging poorly to my body. They would probably be Scope's old clothes that no longer fit, and his clothes were probably Colgate's old clothes, and Colgate's old clothes would be from ripred knows where. It's different now, much different, I can now be found in more recent clothes that Colgate's new victor money bought, they're nothing compared to the weird glittery stuff the Capitol has but it surely is a step up - these clothes always fit.

They also call me weak cos I don't fight back, I hide behind my older brothers. Scope's scary at times who doesn't mind pummelling anyone and everyone into a bloody pulp, Colgate's... well he's Colgate, he's my super hero brother who throws axes in people's faces and then brings back a bunch of money to save us from starving. I hide behind them, their shadows are my shelter, my sanctuary, my protection. Well it's not exactly the best protection but it's still protection from some things. They call me weak for hiding behind them. I can't fight back by myself, I don't know but the image of driving my fist in someone's face is just... horrible. So they hit me, they beat me up, they call me names and there's nothing I can do about it.

I guess you could say I'm a gentle giant.

I'm not afraid to show I'm not a tough guy, I don't see what's so great about it. People begin to expect things from you, act like something bad, hit anyone who crosses you- that's Scope's thing not mine. I'm the teenager who still plays with teddies and dolls and I'm not ashamed of it. They may call me horrible names and make me cry over it but it's who I am and it's not like I can hide who I am. When we were still poor I found an abandoned teddy bear on the street, took it home, washed it and I still play with it now. I call him pirate because he's missing an eye and I just recently put a little eye patch on that bit. I've never taken him outside or he might be stolen, he's my favourite toy and I still sleep with him every night and I would hate it if he was stolen. I wash him every day and make sure he's clean.

Colgate always tells me to hold my head up high if I'm feeling down. "Chin up." But it seems these days my head is mostly hanging down low than being help up high. It's like a job. It's like a job to keep my head held up high with all the flak I take when I'm at school. This is why I never like to go out normally when I'm not at school. What if I run into them while I'm out and about? No, I don't like to think of that and I don't want to encounter something like that. I'm much safer in the house, with Colgate, Scope and Pirate and really the rest of my family. We're all a close family and we've always been close, I guess that's what years of starving together does to people.

We used to be poor, those times were the worst. I'm the third youngest in our family and probably the weakest. Our parents struggled to put food on the table and there would be a lot of times when we would barely have a few loaves of bread to share between us. As soon as he was old enough even Colgate went to work in the factories, making soap, toothpastes, all that uncreative stuff. I could never do that. Sitting in a factory, putting one thing on top of the other then passing it a long, I'd be depressed and I always felt sorry for Colgate but he still kept that smile carved onto his face. He was a rock. He'd go to his boring job, bring in a few coins, then come back.

I was useless, I went to school and got called names, get beaten up or get my stuff taken. I guess on my first day they smelled blood, the blood of a weakling. I don't even know what I even did, maybe I just am just an ugly human being. I just didn't see the point any more, Colgate goes to work and brings in basically nothing, our parents bring in basically nothing, I go to boring old school, we all come home to starve. I just couldn't see the point to life, in fact I still don't see the point to life. I have no purpose, no skills, no nothing. I'm just as useless now as I was back then!

I few times Scope would stand up for me if he just happened to be in the vicinity but maybe he made it worse because that's when they started calling me weak because my brother had to do my fighting for me. I didn't do anything to them back. I didn't swear at them back (mum teaches us not to swear) , I didn't fight them back, I didn't call them names back. I had absolutely no retorts.

Things started to change when Colgate went into the arena.

I thought he'd die, I honestly thought he'd be killed like everyone else. The other tributes were scary they were villians. The career boy from two, the other career boy from one. The boy from four with the sword who chopped the head off that dragon and didn't have a care in the world, always swearing, always shouting. The potty mouth girl from five, the drunk blonde boy who chopped off that boys leg in the bloodbath. The poor boy form eleven with the flaming circles. They were all villians who were out to kill my brother.

I stared at the screen, on the day of the bloodbath we all stared at the screen watching and saw my brother and his friends dominate, kicking out that other alliance of villians and taking the stuff for themselves. Colgate slew that boy from eight by stabbing him in the stomach and spilling his insides. It was gross, the games were gross to watch but I had to keep watching in case Colgate was the next to fall. My breathing got a bit easier as the games progressed but I was never calm. Colgate and his friends hurt their feet on day three and fought giant flying things. The next day they fought another group of people, another group of villains but one of Colgate's friends killed one of them and then they ran away. They couldn't hurt my brother.

On day seven my brother became a traitor when he threw his flaming axes at his friend. That was the only time I began to question who he was. He wasn't even sorry, he said so. Then he finished her, he threw his axe in her back and she died. I couldn't watch any more, I left the house to think. Was that really Colgate? And then on day eight that blonde villain who burned Colgate's friend. Colgate won again, like the hero always should. The blonde villain gave up and Colgate threw an axe in his face. I smiled. On the last day, when it was Colgate and that potty mouth girl from five (I never liked her much) it was hard. Colgate towered over her and threw his flaming axes at her but she just wouldn't die.

But then it hit me, Colgate would win, he had to win because the final villain in the story was always the hardest, always the most challenging and the hero would defeat them in an all for nothing charge. But when Colgate struggled to hit her my faith faltered. This was no story, this wasn't scripted, those people had actually died and it was luck Colgate was not dead yet. I knew Colgate could very well die like all the other tributes in the previous games had. I had to hold on to the hope that my brother could win because he was a hero. But that's probably what the other dead tribute's families thought.

But then it happened, he took his sword and slit her stomach open and when she dropped to the ground I knew it had happened. He had won! We all knew what it meant, no more starving, no more scraps of bread, no more tiny shack-like house. He had brought home food! He had brought home life. He wouldn't be coming back in a box, he killed the final villain who wanted to take my brother away from us.

The rest was a blur, Colgate came home to District nine and we all had our parades and food. We moved into a big house, a mansion. Colgate really was our super hero. Only a hero could do this. Only Colgate could've saved our lives. He saved us.

And I will be forever grateful for that.