nirvanna "scar" maeve | district four | fin

"Tell me about yourself, Nirvanna."

"My name is Scar. Not Nirvanna. Scar."

"Okay then, tell me about yourself, Scar."

"What do you want to know?"

"Anything. Just.. how about you start with the basics?"

"Right. Okay, um, I was born on August 1st, I'm eighteen years old,"

"Do you make good grades in school?"

"Not anymore."

"Why not?"

"Good grades were Nirvanna's thing. She was always-"

"She?"

"Yes, she."

---

She pushed several strands of hair like midnight from her face, her skin decorated with beads of water like a garment, and she wore it perfectly. Her eyes matched the waves of the beach in color, mostly blue irises, tinted in green when the light hit them. Freckled flesh was open to the world for a change as she took the last few steps it took to finally be gone from the ocean's embrace. "Feels great today," she chimed, winking at a group of boys that sat on the shore, most of whom were gawking at her like dogs sitting under the dinner table. "Any of you think you can unzip me?" She turned her back to them and held her raven hair up to reveal a silver line that stretched almost the whole length of the red suit.

She looked over her shoulder at them, waiting. It was not a matter of if, but when one of them finally picked his jaw up and tried to make a move. "Uh, yes. I, yeah I-me can. I can, I mean." She only smiled and looked back to the front, enjoying a pretty view of the beach, tinted gold from the setting sun and the many fire sites that littered the open space. Weekends were always incredible. His hands were shaky when he touched her back, and she got the feeling unzipping her suit all but gave him a heart attack. After making sure she was completely covered, she turned and gave him a quick smile and yet another wink. "Thanks, pretty boy." Then she was off.

---

"So, why are you here, exactly?"

"Why? My doctor thinks I'm crazy."

"Really? Do you think you're crazy?"

"Sweety, crazy doesn't even begin to describe me."

"It sounds to me like you have trouble opening up to people."

"Oh, trust me hon', I open up pretty damn well."

W- Is that how you cope with everything? With the stress? Boys?"

"What do you mean? I have friends, okay? And they help me out is all."

"How do they do that?"

"Fucking me senseless, duh."

---

Her throat ran raw and her cheeks burned as red as her line of vision. "Get. Out. Of. My. Room. Now!" But her sister rolled her eyes. "You aren't the boss of me, Nirvanna. I can do whatever I want and you can't stop me." Tears of rage filled her eyes. "My name is Scar! Nirvanna is dead, you little bitch! Get out or I'll kick your ass!" Her sister crossed her arms over her chest.

"Bring it," She clenched her fists, waiting for her to say it. "Nirv-" "SMACK" The girl crumbled to the ground, her hand pressed across her face. "You- You slapped me! You slapped me!" "I'll do a lot worse if you don't get out." She threw the door open. "Now."

---

"Can you put that out? Smoking isn't allowed."

"Right, sorry, your majesty."

"Why would you even want that? It's no good for you, you know.

"Maybe that's why I like them so much. Nirvanna was always scared of anything with a little risk."

"Scar... are you familiar with personality disorders?"

"I've heard of them, I guess. What? You think I've got one?"

"I've noticed a few times that you refer to.. er, Nirvana, like she's a different person than-"

"She is a different person. Or was, she's dead now."

"Can you, maybe explain that to me a bit?"

"Nothing to explain, really. She was weak, every day was torture at school, no one... no one even noticed her unless it was to point out some flaw. So, she died, and Scar was born. Tadaa."

"Do you miss her?"

"Not in the least. She was so pathetic and... just, disgusting."

"What you're doing, forgetting who you are, it's not all that rare, but N- Scar, you could have let Nirvanna grow into a person all on her own, if you'd just been a little more patient."

"She took too long."

---

Her eyes were glued to the piece of plastic, her chest rising in violent thrusts as she waited, waited, waited. He was in a play with her (oh, what a talented actress she was,) and he had the softest touch... She hadn't meant to! She hadn't planned on it, but the fire in her heart grew too strong, and now there she was, stuck, stuck and terrified. (Though if you'd asked her she would have denied it.) "Please be two lines." She pleaded. "Please, please, please." Minutes passed, her eyes never training on anything other than the tiny stick in her hand.

Finally, after an eternity, her fate was revealed.

Two lines. Not pregnant. She was lucky that time, and she's been lucky before, but she had to be more careful from then on. She couldn't keep dodging bullets left and right, because eventually she was going to get hit, and then everything would be over.

---

"Look, I'm going to be blunt with you: Scar isn't who you are. Nirvanna is. You can only pretend to be someone you aren't for so long before it all goes back to the way it was."

"You don't know me, or you would know Scar is who I am. Ask anyone my name, they'll tell you. I have to go, plans, you know."

"Okay... I look forward to our next session."

"Oh, about that. I don't think this is working for me. Sorry."

---

and in a pipe she flies to the motherland
and sells love to another man
it's too cold outside
for angels to fly

---

table by zoe