Fawn Jay D9 Re-write Done

Fawn Jay D9 Re-write Done Jul 12, 2014 8:51:36 GMT -5

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Post by Sage on Jul 12, 2014 8:51:36 GMT -5

Fawn Jay

"Says"
Thinks
Does

It's amazing how much can change in a few seconds, how easily death can strike someone down, I never realized how easy life was to take away until it one life was taken from me, ripped away against my will and forced to fight on live tv while I could only watch, helpless, as it was slaughtered seconds after the gong rang out through that wretched arena. The life didn't even stand a chance, other lives where more prepared to take the life away than the life was. Who is this life, if you are wondering, it was my cousin, Jabber Jay. Three years ago, his life was taken from him, forcing him to leave behind his family and me. I don't know how I would have survived if I hadn't had my siblings to comfort me.

My world shattered a mere year after Jabbers life was taken when Storm, my little brother, was taken away for slaughter in a special quell where the tributes where between the ages of twelve and fourteen. I prayed that maybe he would come home, that maybe he was strong enough to survive this but I was wrong and it broke the small amount of Sanity I still had left.

There are days when I wish I could go back in time and die with either one of them, perhaps, that would make the pain that sometimes threatens to pull me under go away permanently but I could never do that to my family, not after Jabber and Storm. After Storms death, I took off into the woods outside the district, risking getting caught to get away from the pain in my heart but no matter how far I ran, it never went away, it still doesn't but now, the pain is manageable, not over-powering like before. I wonder, if Mocking hadn't come looking for me, would I have come back at all? Now all that I feel is a dull ache in my chest whenever I see the two permanently empty chairs that sit at the dining room table, dust collecting on them from not being used.

On the bright side, from this pain has come hope, a child born to my eldest brother, Westimer, named Florida Scrub-Jay or we call him Flowwy. He is a sign, I believe that we can still go on with our lives, that we can heal, and most of all, that we can live our lives as Jabber and Storm would have wanted us to. (I am also excited about being an aunt because it means I have someone to spoil, probably much to Wess' dismay)

In the last three years, I have grown up so much, no longer am I the care-free fifteen year old girl who was in love with her cousin, now I am more mature and often worry about things. I know that I am mentally fragile, something within me snapped when Storm died and I haven't been the same since, as well as I rarely, if ever, sing anymore. I believe I stopped singing shortly after Jabbers life was taken from us, my heart in too much pain to allow any melodies to pass through my lips. I have allowed my hair to grow out, the blonde locks now almost down to my mid-back, and my once bright gray-blue eyes have clouded over, almost as if storm clouds have covered the sky. I just haven't really cared enough to do anything about my appearance although, I suppose, I aught to at least get my hair cut but as for my eyes, I doubt they will ever be the same bright gray-blue they once were.

I don't eat much anymore, I just don't have an appetite, no I am not anorexic, I just don't feel hungry, there is a difference. I know I should force myself to eat but I just can't bring myself to do it. I have lost weight, I know that but I just can't bring myself to eat a lot, the sight of food makes me sometimes feel sick to my stomach. I know mama's worried about me but I keep telling her that I'm fine. Perhaps if I let her in, the pain would go away for good and I could stop feeling the constant throb in my heart. I cannot imagine, though, the kind of pain she must have been going through these last three years. I know she considered Jabber as another son and when he was killed, I saw her break down in tears, something I have never before seen my mother do, and when Storm died, she was even worse, always, her eyes were bloodshot from crying. Even though she tried to hide it from us I knew.

I have noticed in the last few months, that the family has finally begun the process of healing from the wounds inflicted upon us. I have actually heard Mist laugh but I believe that to be the work of her new boyfriend Tony whom she introduced to us only a few weeks ago but he seems to be exponentially better for her than anything else we've tried, although I know she still has Storms bedding on her bed, a reminder of her twin. I cannot imagine how it must have hurt to lose her other half. Violet, oh poor sweet Violet seems to have changed so much. The Violet I used to know would never have raised a hand against another person but Storms death seemed to make something within her snap and now, she's explosive in her anger, possibly even worse than Red. What happened to my littlest sister? She grew up and was forced to face the harsh realities of life.

Life, I suppose, in the Jay house, has returned to normal, or at least as normal as it can be with two chairs always empty and the feeling of a hole in our hearts where once it was whole but perhaps, that is the way life is supposed to be; hard, painful. I suppose everything happens for a reason but as to what that reason is, I have yet to figure it out. Perhaps Ripred just likes making our family suffer, I wonder if it amuses him to see us in so much pain. Who knows?

Codeword: Odair
Word count: 1088
Other: Fawn Jays re-written bio is done hooray

Coding by Anzie, fixed by Ani