D1 :: Eisley Castiel

"I heard Eisley Castiel's clothes are all Capitol couture bought off the black market. She wore this silk lavender dress to the Grimm-Shore engagement party a couple weeks ago and there's no way it came from any of the boutiques around here. I've never even seen pictures of Topaz Ross in anything like that and she's a Victor. I bet Eisley would have been a Victor if she'd have trained for the Games... it probably would have been hell trying to upkeep her manicures while sword fighting though. Let that be a lesson to you in the importance of priorities."

"Like, she's actual royalty. I don't even know what that means, to be honest, but it has to be true."

"Oh, Ripred, don't try to talk to me about that attention whore. For all I care, she can go suck a —"

"Not a lot of people know this, but I'm, like, totally one of her most super important and trusted friends, right? She says hi when we walk by each other in the hallway and everything. So don't tell anyone or I'll be socially ruined, but when she was fifteen and people were saying that she was gone from school because her dad was sick or whatever, well, the dirty truth was that Cerberus Grimm knocked her up — they've been on again, off again for, oh my god, literally ever — and she was away because she was giving birth to their love child. My cousin's sister's best friend's aunt's gardener swears she saw them smuggling the baby away to District Two. As if I could make this up! I know it's shocking that Queen Eisley was a fifteen year old hoebag, but truth is, like, totally stranger than fiction."

"Cerberus Grimm is flaming gay — he and that other friend of his, Inferno, are definitely jumping each others bones on the daily. Eisley's just his beard. I mean, she's kinda manly looking from some angles, so he probably thought he was really into her when they were younger, but it's obvious to everyone now. What a fag hag."

"As if! Cerberus and Eisley are the greatest romance of the century! Perfectly epic! Oh my god, let me catch my breath before I swoon."

"What? No. They were kindergarten first loves — holding hands on the playground, Cerberus screaming when Eisley kissed him on the cheek. Now they're just friends."

"Friends with benefits, you mean."

"No, like: Just friends. The end."

"For sure, she's an alien. No, really.

— wait wait wait. Hold up. No fucking way! Why are you looking at me like that? How gullible are you?!"

"My mom says that her bottom row of teeth are made of solid gold and yet they aren't insured for nearly as much as her hair is. Now let me tell you, even if her hair is as fake as her teeth like people say, I guarantee it's only because her extensions are made out of Capitol-engineered unicorn hair. The Castiel family would settle for nothing less."

"I heard she goes around starting these crazy rumors about herself, just to make sure people are always talking about her."

"Ugh. Just no."

"Ten out of ten. Would bang."

"I bet she's hella kinky in the sack. Girl seems like she's probably got a secret room in that mansion of hers, filled with whips and chains. Leather everything. That's one pair of handcuffs I wouldn't mind getting into."

"I heard — well, didn’t everybody hear? — that Eisley showed up to the big New Years party last year with jeweled eyelashes. Now, Victoire Othello will probably try to tell you she was just wearing plastic rhinestones and falsies, but Victoire is a batshit crazy jealous bitch and you shouldn’t listen to her. They were one hundred and ten percent real — cross my heart and hope to die — on loan from the National Gem Trust. I’m so serious right now. Eisley’s eyelashes are worth six figures. Rumor has it the oh-so-infamous Mozart Twombly tried to seduce her that night to steal those diamonds right off her face, but if he was there, then it was definitely an attempt to steal another kind of treasure, if you know what I mean. What? Nobody would dedicate diamonds like that to a butter face."

"Like I care."

"I heard there's a portrait of her hanging in the Capitol Museum of Fine Art. Do you think that's true?"

"I heard she's actually President Snow’s illegitimate daughter. No wonder she's got all that money. Honestly, a guy could live the good life if he married her... then killed her and made it look like an accident, living happily ever after with the inheritance money. That's not even to mention all the fat insurance cash the Castiel rumor-mill conspiracy theorists always attribute to her. I've seen her bottom teeth though and while they're definitely not made of gold, they're crooked enough that maybe they should be. Just yank 'em out and start over."

"Woah. That was way harsh. Sure, she wears too much makeup most of the time, but that just makes her trashy, not actual throw-her-body-in-a-dumpster trash. There's a difference, you know."

"I don't get it. Nine times out of ten her fingernails look like sparkly, rainbow claws. It's like she's a monster with vicious candy hands. That's hella creepy when you stop and think about it. I mean, why would you do that on purpose?"

"She's a wannabe Capitolite with some kind of social god complex, lording over people as if she's not just a preening tryhard. She is, in case you were wondering."

"Eisley Castiel is my idol! If I could magically be any-any-anyone in the world, it would be her! Hands down. Absolutely."

"Rumor has it that her dad is secretly a designer linked with some ultra high end Capitol fashion label. I'm not sure how that could work, but it would sure explain the gilded peacock clothing she flaunts herself around in. Beyond ridiculous."

"Yeah, I don't know what her parents do exactly, even though we're bffs, one hundred and ten percent. They're just incredibly creative people, that's all. Everything is all art and music and fashion in the Castiel's world, as if walking into their house is an experience."

"She's a life destroying bitch. Like, she has to be, right?"

"I know people say she's a vicious social terror, but she's always been nice to me. Polite, even. Now, I'm not trying to say that means she's nice-nice, because as if I'm worth the time and effort a social massacre requires. I'm not. I'm definitely nobody. Just some random girl. I don't even know why you're talking to me about her, really, but I'm just saying I've never personally see her be mean. I've just heard stuff... lots of stuff. Wow. Like: so much stuff. I don't even know where to begin."

"My family used to live next door to her when I was growing up. I don't know. I'd go over to her house sometimes when our parents were having tea. We'd play dress up with her mom's lipstick and party gowns and tromp around in high heels that were six sizes too big, but that's normal, right? I mean, sure the dresses cost more than some people's houses around here and the lipsticks were custom colors and the shoes were basically priceless art, but... that's how the Castiels do normal. We were playing pretend back then. That's just her real life now though, like a fairy tale. Lucky bitch."

"Every once in a while you hear someone whispering that Eisley is actually this badass underground rapper, championing freestyle competitions and everything. Hi-lar-i-ous! She tries to pull a tough face, but wearing studs doesn't make you one. There's no way that frou-frou princess can drop a rhyme. Ripred, I'd love to hear her try. That would be the best worst thing ever."

"Her smile is killer because it makes everyone die... that was so bad. I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Call me Eisley, because I'm the baddest... I'm done! I swear!"

"— XOXO, Gossip Girl."