Tommy Hayes D3 Fin (for @puppy hope)

I used to think I was kinda cute, with my athletic body and big brown eyes, but now’a days I’m starting to wonder. My Mom always says I’m gorgeous, but she has to say that right? Grandpa is even worse; he embarrasses me by saying stuff like he’d kill to have had my hair and natural slim, muscular body while he was growing up. Then he pinches my cheeks. I’m 19 now Grandpa, not five!

What does it matter anyway if the girl of my dreams doesn’t seem to notice? She’s pretty tall too I guess, so maybe she doesn’t pay attention to how I’ve grown past six foot now - finally. She has pale cheeks too, just like me, and most of the people in District 3 I guess, come to think of it. But hers flush such a pretty pink when she’s embarrassed. I don’t know if mine do that too, I’ve never thought to look in a mirror when I feel like that.

I still get a few pimples from time to time, which I hate so much. Makes me feel like a kid, like a teenager, and I can’t wait until I grow out of that. Char gets them too, but she hides them with her long beautiful hair. I could kind of do that, I guess, I grow my hair pretty long too sometimes, but it’s still way shorter than hers, like most guys’ haircuts. But I guess I could use it to try and hide my forehead at least. Ah well, time will fix my skin up for me, I guess.

It doesn’t help my skin that I’m always inside the factory, these days. I’m an assembly operator, so a whole heap of the computers in the Capitol have tiny parts connected effectively thanks to yours truly. All the fumes and oil from the assembly line mean that my fingernails and hands are always black, no matter how hard I scrub at them. It seems to seep into my skin too, hence the pimples now and then, I suppose.

Well, my Mom says I am her ‘Good boy’ and wants to know why I pretend to be a ‘Bad boy’ instead. I don’t know why I do stupid stuff really; actually, yeah I do. It’s to get Charlotte Saraceno to notice me. I’ll admit it to myself. But not to anyone else, especially her. I’m way too shy for that. Why does my Mom think I’m bad? Well, I got caught at a few of Char’s wild parties drinking too much and doing some stuff to have more fun. She’s a total party queen, and I worry that if I don’t keep doing all that stuff she won’t spend time with me. Plus I worry about her and the peacekeepers and stuff that she keeps inviting to these parties. She had one without me the other week, and that really sucked. I had to work, so it wasn’t that she didn’t want me there, but I did wish she’d just waited until I had the time off to be there. I have to keep her close and safe, you see, because I want to protect her. She isn’t as tough and strong as she pretends to be.

Why am I shy, you ask next? Well, I’m not THAT shy, just a bit. I guess it come from being secretly in love with a girl who is way cooler than you and just thinks of you as a friend for years and years. Kind of takes a toll on your confidence, you know. Plus I never had many friends other than her, but that’s OK, she’s plenty enough for me.

I guess you might describe me as jealous, although I do try not to be. For the last year or so, Char has been with lots of guys, as in slept with been with, you know? I know it is none of my business, and I do want her to be happy, but I really worry that they’ll hurt her, or break her heart or something.

I do try and be kind to people. That’s the way my family raised me. I look for the best in people, even if they are mean to me, or whatever, because I reckon everyone deserves a chance to have friends and people who care about them, even if they muck it up sometimes.

Most of my old school classmates would probably have called me the class clown. I like to make jokes and muck around with people. I wouldn’t say I’m like the centre of attention or anything, but I do like making people have a good time. And if I can make Char smile, my day is a good one.

My Dad died just before I was born, and my Mom moved back in with her parents. Grandma passed away too when I was three. I have to work really hard to remember her much, which is sad. So since then it’s just been Grandpa, Mom and me, and that’s fine by me. We were pretty poor until recently but with me working it’s helping a lot.

I was pretty bored in school, I always found it pretty easy and then got into trouble by mucking around. In the first grade I saw Char, and she seemed to be struggling with some work. I sat with her, even though everyone else whispered about how they didn’t like her. After that it was her and me everywhere we went.

I haven’t ever been with a girl, because there’s only one for me. I went on a few dates, just to get my Mom off my back. She and Grandpa thought I must be gay. I tried to explain that it isn’t a bad thing, it’s perfectly fine to be gay, or bi, or whatever, as long as you are true to yourself, but that just seemed to convince them even more that I must be gay. I do like girls though, only...or rather girl in the singular. One very particular one is the only one for me. I guess that means I’ll probably die a virgin, but better that than to be with someone else who I don’t care about. I wouldn’t be able to stop thinking about Char and that wouldn’t be kind.

I hate my job, for more reasons than just the air. It’s really boring and I have to go away in my imagination just to get through the day. Bet you can guess who I daydream about almost all the time? You guessed it, my Char Char. I so miss being with her everyday at school and making her laugh.

Just a few days ago I did something really risky. I stole some computers from the other end of the factory, when they’re all finished, and I sold them to this dodgy guy who works on the blackmarket. I know it was dumb and I risk losing my job and way way worse, but I needed the money you see. It’s like, life and death, because I bought Char some medicine with the cash. It’s for her asthma. When she even does a little running or whatever she has so much trouble breathing and it really scares me to death. I can’t stand seeing her suffer like that. Hopefully when I give it to her she’ll realise how much I care, and not just in a friend way.

Here’s hoping!