those who falter and those who fall {troylus}

Tommy tried to do as instructed, but when the cell door slammed shut he couldn't help himself.  He sobbed like a small child, unable to be stoic like a man of 19 years should be, in his opinion.  He curled into a ball on the metal slab that he assumed to be a bed, and curled his knees up to his chest, and cried.  A small part of the back of his mind that still worried about such things, hoped that no one would be able to hear him crying through the thick steel of the cell wall.  He didn't realise until later that they probably liked to listen to the prisoners to keep tabs on them.  

When he was all cried out, he lay still for a time, his breathing shallow and shaky from all the tears. He scrubbed at his tear streaked face with the back of his sleeve, longing for his mother with all his heart.  Thinking about her brought on more tears, as he imagined her heartache when she heard he'd been arrested for such a shameful crime.  She'd probably deny it, say there was no way her little boy would do such a thing, there must be a mistake.  But then she would hear how he DID do it and she would be so ashamed of him.  He felt ashamed of himself, and dug his nails into the palms of his hands until he drew a little blood. 

After a while he got up off the bed and wandered over to the cell door, trying to peer out into the corridor.  It was hard to see much, and he imagined it was set up so that people could see in, not out. He shivered at the idea of being watched and not knowing it.  "Please, let me out?" he called quietly at first, then raising his voice in desperation. "Please! I'll confess to what I did.  I want to try and make it right. Please? Anyone there? Can anyone hear me?" He started to sob again, but swallowed the tears back.  The peacekeeper had instructed him to save his tears.  And his breath, but he didn't see what choice he had other than to use more breath calling out like this and hope someone took pity on him.  "Please, let me out, I'll confess to it all!"

Tommy was relieved and scared at the same time when the peacekeeper returned to his cell, putting a chair across from him and sitting in it. He wasn't sure if he should stand in front of his captor, or sit on the bed.  The only time he'd been in trouble was every now and then at school, and he'd always stood in front of the Principal's desk, awaiting some feared punishment.  This was on a totally different scale, but he figured he should do the same and stood in front of Val, almost at attention the way he he'd seen other peacekeepers do on duty.

The man instructed him to speak quickly, so Tommy swallowed his fear, and started speaking in a rapid gush.  He'd been preparing what to say while he cried and pleaded, so it was easy to let it all out quickly, not holding anything back. 

"My friend is sick, with the pollution, she gets so bad she can't breath, and she needed more medicine or I feared she'd die." He knew that wasn't an excuse for what he'd done, but wanted to explain all of it in the name of being honest.  Besides his interrogator would have had a task to stop him, considering the speed he was spilling all of this out.  "But I don't earn much in my job, down at the Computer Tech factory, on The Drive, you know the one?" He swallowed audibly but it wasn't enough time for anyone to actually confirm or deny if they knew the particular factory he was referring to.  Of course, the peacekeeper knew from the serial numbers, but Tommy hadn't figured that out yet.  

"And I have to pay to help my mother and grandfather, or we'd all starve, sir.  Not that that is an excuse for what I did - I know it was wrong, and I'm so angry with myself for doing it." He hung his head in shame, not able to meet eyes with the man as he confessed the first of his crimes.  "I work on the production line there, and after my shift I went and took three laptops." He gulped back tears that wanted to work their way out again, but he needed to save this man's precious time.  

"I sold them to Fat Pete, at the stall where you saw me." He told the man the paltry amount he was given for the three stolen items. "And I bought medicine for my friend." His face darkened, not wanting to go into how Charlotte hadn't seemed that pleased by her gift.  The point was that he thought he was saving her life.  "But then I realised that what I'd done was wrong, and that I had to undo it.  I didn't know how, but when I asked Fat Pete if I could buy them back he wanted ten times what he gave me for them.  The low price he'd said was because they were stolen goods and he can't make much money selling them, and he takes a risk if he's caught with them.  But he was happy to charge me a fortune to get them back." He took a deep breath, reaching the end of his tale. "I panicked and I tried to grab the laptops while he was distracted.  Only I didn't think to look for the law, which was stupid.  And not as stupid as taking them in the first place." he lifted his head, pleading with big dark eyes to the policeman, earnest and desperate.  "Please show mercy, sir.  I've never done anything like this before, and I never will again.  I swear."

At first Tommy felt relief when he was taken from the cell.  Maybe he's releasing me now, and he knows how sorry I am? Even as he thought it it seemed unrealistic.  And the chair certainly expunged any small doubts he may have retained of getting out of this relatively unscathed. 

The dried blood was the worst part, and despite his better judgement he struggled as Val put him into the chair, making it difficult to get the straps on.  Val was far stronger though, and he ended up in the chair, strapped in securely.

"I will return momentarily,"Tommy wanted to scream for the man to stay, being alone in this place was too horrifying.  On the other hand, the man was his instrument of torment in this, so he wanted him to leave.  So he said nothing and just waited, sure he was about to be tortured slowly to death.  He cried silently now, tears just streaming down his face without a sound.  

Sorry Ma, sorry Grandpa, I let you down.  I love you both.

The thief's reaction was just as one might expect.  For a moment Tommy didn't understand what he'd just heard; it was too awful to comprehend.  Then the words sunk in and Tommy cried out in anguish, pleading and begging for Val to change the verdict.  "Please, no! I'll never be able to get work, no one will employ a thief, and with only one hand, what will I do?" When the surgeon raised the blade he was no longer able to form words, so Tommy just screamed in horror.  

Tommy's mind blocked out what happened next as his hand was removed from his body.  It was too traumatic, so his mind simply shut down, refusing to process anything other that his life systems chugging along to keep him breathing and his heart beating.  The pain was intense but he experienced it in a blur, his mind reeling on the edges of unconsciousness.

When he came out of his trance there was a stump where his hand had once been, so normal and taken for granted, but now so terribly absent, it felt more like his whole arm was gone, rather than just the hand.  The stump was covered in a clean white bandage, and Tommy stared at it for a long while.  Then he started to cry again, great wracking sobs of pain, loss and horror.