end what she's { begun } // danny

oh please, just don't cry
hold your head up high
she would want you to
she would want you to

She clung to Basil’s hand and memories of things before the Arena as they stumbled around the shore. The water was as still as glass, as a dead girl’s chest. The grasses brushing up against her legs felt like dozens of thin fingers dragging her back toward blood and fire, threatening to consume her just as the flames had consumed Delta. She resisted, instead staggering forward and frowning at how tight her throat was. It felt like it was clogged with grief, a physical thing that expanded until it was so painful it was a miracle it didn’t kill her.

When she deemed the distance between them and their enemies far enough she didn’t even speak, simply dropping to her knees on the ground. Basil would understand in the way one painter understood another. Her chest heaved and she felt more lightheaded than she ever had before, so much so that she wasn’t sure she could tell the difference between the ground and the sky. Trembling hands reached up, her fingers pushing against her temples until they almost pierced through in an attempt to anchor herself. Everything was spinning and she had the vague taste of blood in her mouth. Turning her face away from the blurry figure of Basil, she grimaced and then spat into the ground. The foamy spit was tainted pink with blood.

“I need - I n-need to sleep,” she gasped out, even though it was ridiculous that she wanted to close her eyes and fall into nightmares of Delta’s burning body and Ezero’s wails. She was used to exhaustion overtaking her quickly - it was becoming as commonplace as the bruises and the blood - but this was different. It was something in her chest, heavy and aching, that made gravity pull on her more strongly than usual. She thought it might be all the lies she was telling. One hand reached up to swipe at her mouth and she turned back toward Basil, mumbling to keep her lips from splattering crimson. “J-just for a few - few hours.”

She didn’t wait for his voiced approval before spreading over the ground, chest still heaving and blood dribbling from her lip. She was asleep before she could even worry about someone ambushing Basil and killing her in her sleep.

It felt like only a moment, but when her eyes blinked back open the world was bathed in darkness and her body felt stiff from lying on the hard ground. Her gums had stopped bleeding, though she felt the metallic burn where it had settled in her throat. She sat up slowly, cringing when her muscles ached in protest. The world no longer swung around her head in loops. In fact, even in the dark it was startlingly clear. The water had transformed from glass to a mirror, and in it she could see what she swore were thousands of stars glittering against velvet black.

There was a figure sitting nearby, stiff and familiar. Danny yawned, glancing at Basil’s sleeping form. Her heart gave an unexpected twinge. Automatically her eyes searched for a fourth form in the darkness. When she didn’t find it she nearly choked on the memories. Delta. It drove into her, a harsh reality that contrasted the fairytale setting the Gamemakers had temporarily thrown them into. She rose on shaky legs and approached where Ezero sat. Maybe someone else would have felt cautious, their steps faltering and intentions uncertain. She’d learned that life was too short to ever be indecisive, and she walked toward him steadily, dropping next to him without a word. Dark circles hung under his eyes and his expression was worn by a grief she wished she didn’t understand.

There was no room for apologies between them. Their relationship was already filled to the brim with too many other things - trust, companionship, sympathy, sorrow, fear - so she didn’t try to mend his scars with stitches that would only do more damage. “Sleep,” she said instead, her tone firm. “I’ll stay up.”

He didn’t argue, and soon she was alone, sitting at the edge of the water with her bag beside her and her knees tugged up to her chest. In this valley of dying stars, in this hollow valley, this broken jaw of our lost kingdoms. She felt on the edge of shattering, closer than she’d been in a long time. Even when she’d had blood pouring from her face and her skeleton frame bared before her bedroom mirror, she hadn’t felt as fragile as she did in those moments.

Her fingers rose subconsciously to the locket at her throat, fingering the smooth metal. After a moment there was a soft click that made her start, and she glanced down quickly. The necklace had finally opened, just enough for her to see the shadow of something inside. Something told her that it would be nothing good, but she carefull unclasped the chain and spread the locket open with her thumb.

What she saw made her chest feel like it was caving in.

Aiden.

And then it was too much. Danny lunged toward her bag, frenzied hands shaking as she rummaged through the items until she finally tugged out the rope. She held it taut between her hands and bit down on it, screwing her eyes shut. The tears pressed forward, trying to leak between her lashes, but she forced them back. When wails clawed their way up her chest, she bit harder, her back curling forward. She wanted to cry. She needed to cry. But she also refused to cry, because she’d promised her long before the Reaping that she would never let anyone see weakness in her. Because lying to herself was something that was such a constant in her life that it was practically etched into her bones.

Aiden. Delta. They were wisps of smoke, rays of sunlight, beautiful but untouchable and unlasting. She couldn’t keep them. She couldn’t protect them or save them or fix them. Hell, she couldn’t even fix herself. And maybe that was what scared her the most. The fact that if someone as strong as Aiden or as brave as Delta could fall, then she had no chance. She’d been broken long before the doctor had come into the white room with a terrifyingly neutral face and knuckles pale from gripping his clipboard.

She wanted to hear Aiden’s laugh. She wanted to catch Delta’s hesitant smile. She wanted to notice Ezero’s shy glances in a certain girl’s directions. She wanted to see Basil’s unscarred body stretching out to paint the wall above his head. But she wanted too much. Death mocked her with its laughter. Between the emotion and the response falls the Shadow. Nothing would ever be the same, no matter what she wanted.

Delta.

Danny bit the rope until her gums bled again, and she did not cry.