you don't wanna be high like me} {Astrid v Nell Day 7
Mar 26, 2016 15:15:47 GMT -5
Post by Loony on Mar 26, 2016 15:15:47 GMT -5
"SO CLOSE YOUR EYES AND LET THE COLORS FLY, | WE'RE COLORBLIND FROM THE BLACK AND WHITE." |
Nell Locke, what have you done to yourself?
Her heartbeat races like a jackhammer as she stares into the stars. The warmth radiating from the bodies on her right and left feel like hellfire as she tries to close her eyes. Her stomach churns and her brow sweats as she struggles to remain grounded. She used to think that she was empty because morals had been drained from her as drugs filled the empty space. She thought that, because of who she was and what she did, no one would ever bother with her again. She never thought that she would be loved. Never thought it would come to this.
K i l l e r
Knuckles white, lips stained red, eyes blue and bloodshot.
She grips the knife firmly. She trusted these people. Trusts.
One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. Seven. Eight.
Eight left. No more, no less.
She knows what happens when there is only eight left. Killing, murder, slaughter. She knows what to expect. She won’t allow this. Not her. Not the girl who came into these games ready to kill, murder, slaughter, others for her own well being. Not the girl who so firmly believes in self preservation above others.
But she can’t bring herself to leave these people. Why?
The anthem displays what she already suspects.
Noelia Tribideaux, District 10. Dead.
Iain Miristomia. District 11. Dead.
Nell Locke. Alive.
The facts were painful. Seven deaths were coming, exponential decay was unavoidable. Whether she likes it or not, three will be from her small group of misfits. She won’t be there for them. She won’t allow it.
She sits up, ignoring the spinning world from her withdrawal, and grabs her bag. She yanks the yellow and blue straps, long stained brown and red, onto her shoulders and pushes herself to her feet.
She won’t let it be so.
She’s halfway out the clearing when she realizes she isn’t alone.
His eyes are staring right at her, his massive form huddled against the wet night.
Sully.
Her district partner. The one who infinities ago smiled at her on the train as they headed towards this destructive hell. What pain they had faced together since then. Near deaths, murder and supportive smiles paved the road they had travelled together. Now here they stood, the fork stood before them and they both saw it coming.
She made her way to his side, and sat down carefully on the mud. She looked up to the stars, not ready to stare at the sun that sat next to her.
”Nell, do you know what ohana means?"
She pauses at the bizarre word, and glances at the boy for a moment, “No, I don’t.”
"Ohana means family, Nell. Family means nobody gets left behind," she looks at the ground, not worthy of the stars above. He is right, she shouldn’t be so selfish and ditch them like an unwanted dog. But she knows where they are.
“Family for me is two drunks and a whole lot of bruises. At least… it used to be…” she looked into his large eyes as tears stream down her’s, “Now it’s you, Sully. It’s you guys. Here. In this shitty hell. This is family for me.”
She sniffles at the ground. She can’t be weak now, not now. She wipes her nose and eyes and forces herself to look at him. “But I can't do this anymore. I can't stay here with you, because I can't let this wonderful, crazy, maniacal family tear me apart."
"But- that's the thing. A family is a group of people, no matter who they are or what they look like are always connected. They're always there, deep inside of you,” his voice is low, failing to hide the emotion that ran through it. Nell was never good with the emotions of others, her own were enough to deal with, but now here she was comforting a boy a full head taller than her.
"They're always in your scars, because they're the ones that heal them up."
She closed her eyes, wanting to block out everything he was saying, wanting to run away from everything. But that’s not possible.
She let out a breathy laugh, "Damn it Sully, you can't make it easy for me, can you?"
She takes a deep, wobbly breathe, "I'm leaving... but I'll still be there for you. Don't you ever forget that, ever."
She looks at him as he makes the smallest of nods of acceptance, "Until death we part, we are destined to the same life."
This was it for the duo from five. Their final goodbyes. She turns to the stars, as if there was a solution to it all written among them. She puts her frail arm around him,
"Goodbye, Sully."
She rises and begins to walk away, afraid to let him see the tears that ran down her face.
His voice is but a whisper that drifts in the humid air, but his final words to her broke her spirit. She pauses for a moment.
(Goodbyes are final, Nell)
She hikes up her bag, wipes the droplets of despair from her eyes and begins to walk. She does not look back, because she knows, if she does, she would see his eyes, their bodies, their love and find herself running back for them. She pulls out Eggie, the gift from a girl with too much suffering inside. She hopes to never again see Astrid or Sully. Faces on the sky.
They will become memories. They will become her history. They will be her home.
She wanders throughout the night, her steps feel smaller without Sully or Atticus to guide her. She is now alone.
L o s t
But she is used to being lost. Before the games, she was lost in a reverie of drug induced dreams and painful need for a hit. Before her drug addiction, she was lost in a world of mourning for her brother and strikes from her parents. Before her brother’s death, she was found in his arms and his smile. And before today, she was found in the friendship with Astrid, Sully and Atticus.
But now she is lost once again.
Her steps are slow. one. two. Three. One two three. one … two… three. One…. two….. The thick mud grows upon her boots, and she finds herself pulling on plants to help her move along through the arena.
The good thing about drugs is that they aren’t always the worst thing to happen to you. A quick hit of heroin, and Nell would be racing through the arena like a bat out of hell. Instead she finds herself puking into a bird’s nest and praying no one is nearby.
She travels through the night.
One. Two. One. Two.
Killer. Murderer. Killer. Murderer.
The eyes of Basil Anatola will never leave her. But she doesn’t want them to. She doesn’t want to block out the reality just yet, because if she pretends she’s innocent. Masquarades the darkness that is within her, and acts as though she is an innocent, she won’t survive the next few days.
Suddenly, the world spins, and she is on the floor.
Is this death?
But she awakens behind bars.
Her blue eyes open to the muck and shit. Her head pounds like she’s coming down from a high and her body feels weak. Whatever they gassed her with knocked her out cold. She stumbles to her feet, stomach sick. She looks for an exit along the bars, hoping this is just something to run from.
Then she spots the body.
Nonononononononononono. No. No! NO!
She won’t. She can’t. She won’t.
The girl who called her an angel. The girl whose blue eyes light up a room. The girl whose mind is a maze and heart is an open field. The girl who loved rocks, and the color of Nell’s eyes. The girl who was completely innocent and completely perfect.
Astrid Shaw.
“No! I won’t!” she screams the words, waking the girl in the process, “We were fucking allies you pricks! Bring me that psychopath or that bitch from three! FUCK! GIVE ME ATTICUS! NOT HER!”
But nothing changes, the walls do not fall, the lock is not undone. She is still in this cage, instructions clear.
Kill.
She looks at the girl from 2. She put her back on the wall, tears streaming down her face, head clenched in her hands. Her mind races struggling to find a solutoin, and for a moment her hand moves towards a knife. But then she sees the rock, her rock on the ground next to her bag, and her hand went slack.
“I ca-can’t…” her breaths were shallow as she struggled to suck air, “Astrid…”
She won’t kill this girl. She will be selfless, for once in her goddamn life she will be selfless. She doesn’t have to be selfish.
”Just kill me, Astrid. Please… just kill me.”
That’s right Nell, make a killer out of her.
[Nell does not attack because of feels]
CREDIT TO THE MOST AMAZING PERSON EVER AKA я𝑜𝓈𝑒
