Until We Meet Again [Astrid v Ezero] (day 8)

Well I been thinking about the future
But I'm too young to pretend
It's such a waste to always look behind you
Should be lookin' straight ahead

I don't feel anything as the blade sinks into her cheek. Time seems to slow as the cut I had inflicted before turns into a great red split in the side of her face. I could swear her jaw went slack like I had cut the muscle holding it shut, but it may have just been her surprise that I had dealt the final blow on her before she could on me. Slowly, sound muffled around us, the menace falls to the ground. I can't tell if she says anything. I don't stop to listen or to even check if she's died yet. All I want to do is get away from the first person I had truly murdered.

I could justify Iain's death. It was a mercy killing, a way to put him out of his misery. I know that he would have died anyway - surely he would have - so I was making it kinder for him. The fact that he had been there - alone against myself and Danny, the fact that he had struck me - causing me to bleed and burn, those things had helped me to justify sinking my blade into his neck and giving him peace.

I could justify this girl's death too, but putting her down hadn't been an act of mercy. She wasn't a sick animal, or a horse with a broken leg. She hadn't been on the cusp of death already. I had put her there - I had as well with Iain, but it was different - and then I had shoved her off of it. She had still been alive when she had hit the ground.

She wasn't anymore, though.

Now I can take a better look at her, see the little things I hadn't noticed before. The first thing is that she is prettier than her ugly personality had been. It's almost a shame that she had to have been so undeniably cruel and twisted, but the way she had tried to play me like a puppet was enough to overcome the pity. The next thing I notice cements her crooked idealism in my mind. Covering the front of her torso was a set of bones, worn like armor. From my time studying biology, I could easily recognize them. They weren't muttation bones, they were human.

Disgusted, I did my best to avoid touching them. I went to her pack and riffled through it, looking for anything that might help me out. There were a few weapons that she carried which I took, and a couple other items. I drank the water she had in her bag, feeling the relief of quenching my thirst again after so long. Another pulse of relief coursed through me at the sight of her healing supplies. With this, I would be able to patch myself up and have enough left over for later if I needed - and I probably would.

The question is, would I live long enough to need to use these.

For now, I tended to my wounds. Thankfully they were rather minor, aside from the gash on my leg, but I haven't had a chance to properly recover since the day I nearly died. Resigned, I settled myself down in a way where I could stitch up my leg. The wound was jagged and still bleeding. Most of the flow had slowed, but the injury was too big to have staunched itself already. Grimly, I set about closing it. The pain of sewing the gaping slice in my leg was more painful than actually receiving the wound had been. Finally, though I managed to tie off the last knot with shaking fingers.

Taking a length of bandage, I wrapped it around my freshly stitched leg and tied it off. Now not longer about to bleed to death in my sleep, I approached the edge of the cage. During the fight it seemed as though we had been lowered and now the cage rested on the ground. Pushing on the door, I sent it swinging open without difficulty. Stepping out, I felt the automatic yet nonsensical urge to shut the door behind me. I went along with it, closing Celia's body inside of the cage permanently, before stepping away. The moment I had taken two steps away, the cage lifted back into the tree. I stood watching it for a moment before turning and walking away.

I didn't go far - my leg was twinging with every step and I was exhausted from the draining of the adrenaline - before choosing to rest. Flopping down without grace, I lay out on the ground with only my pack to cushion my head. Staring up at the sky, I waited in silence for the faces to appear in the sky. The anthem wouldn't come for another little bit, so I was left to contemplate. The problem with that is I was also left to worry.

There were eight people alive this morning, three of which had died already. Celia was the only one I knew - after all, I had just walked away from her body - but the other two were unknown. I could barely sit still as I wondered if one of them was Danny. Had we split up last night to never see each other again. Part of me feared that, but another part of me was slightly relieved. I didn't want it to come to us having to kill each other, because I know that I would do it.

She is the last person I care for in this arena but I would kill her if I had to.

The anthem would come any moment now, the sky was darkened in preparation and the ghost of the music was trailing through my mind in preparation. Everything was interrupted all at once by a monstrously loud

BOOM

In the near-silence that had fallen, the canon sounded loud enough to shake the entire arena. I, in my fright, had leapt up and drawn a knife from my belt. Realizing what it was, I began to shiver from worry. Perhaps that had been Danny's canon. There had been four now, I could only account for one. Any of the other three could have been for Danny.

Then the anthem began to play and the Capitol seal blazed in the sky. Desperate not to miss the faces in case one was Danny - I had to know, as much as I didn't want to - I threw myself down and lay on my back to stare at the sky.

The first face was the boy from Four.

My whole body goes limp because all at once I know that Danny is alive. For one blissful moment I am almost cheerful, almost hopeful, but then the worries begin to creep back in. Maybe Danny was grievously wounded. She could be bleeding out as I lay here. She could be stranded without supplies. As if to mimic my darkening thoughts, the figures of Cecilia, Iain, Eryn, Basil, and Delta circle in around me. The shadows that form them are darker than the night, somehow standing out from the rest of the world like dark spots in my vision. They look at me without expression, without sound, and I am left to guess what they want.

I can't look at them right now, not when I might finally have a moment where I could be just worried and not guilty. Give me tonight, I silently begged, please, just tonight. Let me have one night without guilt.

But they didn't leave me be.

I barely noticed the other three, though I did feel a morose pleasure at seeing Shim's face in the sky. The other tribute from District five, the girl, looked blankly over the arena but I ignored her. When Celia's face rose over everyone I could only meet her gaze for a moment before feeling angered by the smirk I could see on her lips. Even in death she tried to toy with me, to manipulate me and make me feel like a plaything - a puppet.

She learned I wasn't one the moment I drove my knife into her face.

When the faces and seal faded from the sky I let out a long sigh and curled into a tight ball. Sleep would be rough tonight, what with all of the worries that peppered me. The biggest question of all was who would I face tomorrow

and would I be strong enough to defeat them?

Who was even left? There was the girl from District two, and then the boy from District three. They were part of the alliance with Shim and the girl from Five, they were the ones who had killed Basil and Eryn. In particular, the boy from Three had stabbed a spear through Eryn's throat. For all I was against murder - as well as I could manage that in this place - I would love to drive a blade into him. Let him feel what it was like to die all at once, to lose someone or something that he cared for. The biggest loss that boy could suffer was the loss of his own life, because it was clear he loved himself more than anyone or anything else. How else could he justify his hypocritical stance on things or the way that he could kill without care.

Facing either of them wouldn't be too bad. The anger I kept hidden in a pouch next to my heart would burn and crackle like the flames on my knives. I would burn them with my ire and scald them with my loss.

Facing Danny would be another circle of hell altogether. After a week of knowing each other, and almost as long fighting by each other's side, she was like a sister to me. Well, no, not like a sister. I loved her, but not in a romantic way. She was a friend, someone I would fight for and someone I would defend, she was someone I could tell my fears. I would say I would die for her, but that would be a lie. As much as I love her, I can't squash the voice that continues to whisper live. By any means necessary, live.

So when the dawn came and woke me from one of the shortest sleeps I had ever had - I had longer naps in class before - I didn't think twice about drawing a dagger. Last night I had received another jar of tar from sponsorship, and I marveled at my luck. Apparently, out there, there were people who were cheering for me. Clearly there were enough people willing to throw their money at me to pay for something that I was sure was quite expensive by this point.

Did they actually like me?

Hobbling slightly on my sore leg - the wound had been deep enough to affect the muscle - I walked away from the giant cornucopia. The shade of the large tree extended a long way opposite of the rising sun, and the humid air clung to everything like a physical mass. One thing was for sure, it would be nice when I didn't have to deal with wet feet any longer, or this terrible never ending muggy heat. Summers in District eight had never been like this, and now I was glad for it. I wondered if I would ever see another summer.

The moment I saw movement I sprang into action. After seven days of doing the same thing, I popped the lid off of the tar jar, smeared my knives with the sticky black substance, and lit them with my flint before the person even came into full view. In the moment before a I threw, I noticed the form and a worry that it might be Danny flitted through me for a second. But then the figure became clear and I realized it wasn't her so I threw, and I threw hard.

[Attacks Astrid with Throwing Knives]
9bme9sdPthrowing knife
Deep Gash on Chest -- 9.5 damage

[fire 1/4]
1-50
Extinguished