turn back time {cameo | jb blitz}

The lock clicks and the door swings open, and for a moment my heart stops. I'm almost positive the peacekeepers have come to take me away, but in walks the tiny girl just introduced to the family. My heart plummets into my stomach, and I feel like I'm going to throw up -

She just got here, and I'm already saying goodbye.

Her words are true, and I understand the odds. I've watched my family march through this before, and I'm follow in their steps. Esme proved she knew how to fight despite being so young. Bailey showed she could kill. Both of them fought brave and hard, and yet it only gave them a grave and a stone for reward.

I've never been strong. Not since I was locked away. Pounds fell from my body along with the fat and muscle. I've tried building it back, but it's just not the same.

I raise my gaze, dark eyes meeting her's. I wish it wasn't like this. I wish I had the chance to actually sit down and get to know her. But the Capitol had other plans. My fate was sealed the moment my name bellowed through the district square.

"Yeah. Everyone has a chance." I state trying to agree. Trying to lighten the mood, but I know it won't do much for me. All I can do is try to make sure she knows I haven't given up, but deep inside I already know I'm dead. "I'm going to try. I promise."

I thought I was done making promises because my last two have been broken.

She smiles, and for whatever reason it breaks my heart even more. I've just met her a few days ago, but now I'm having to say goodbye.

I guess it's a good thing in a way because she doesn't know of the broken promises. She doesn't know of the time I was locked away feeling shattered and hopeless. She doesn't know of all the crimes I've committed.

But it still hurts to say goodbye.

Her arms wrap around me, and her head is resting against my chest, and I don't know what to do. I barely know her, yet she's holding me tight. Carefully, I do the same knowing this is possibly the last time I'll see her.

At least she approves and understands.

But what she asks next catches me completely off guard.

The games change people. I've watched for as long as I can remember, and very few remain the same. Before, I would promise her this, but I can't now because I don't want to break any promises. I've broke so many in my life, and yet none of them can be fixed. I promised to protect Esme and Bailey, and now they're both rotting beneath the ground.

I sigh.

"I don't want to make a promise I can't keep." I pause trying to swallow the lump sitting in the back of my throat, "I can't promise I won't be different, but I can promise that I will try to remain the same."

I just hope it's enough because I'm not in the mood to fight.

For a moment, I wonder what it's like to finally have a family, but before you even get a chance to know them, one of the people you'll call a sibling is being ripped away.

I'm having a hard time placing myself in her shoes, but I know the pain. I remember watching Esme leave the district heading straight towards the Capitol where I'll be going soon. The last words I said still haunt me. Hate and anger had no place at that time, yet it's too late. I can't undo what's already been done.

She pulls back from the hug, and I can see the tears staining her eyes.

A broken heart slams against the ground with an iron thud. I can't breathe. I can't do anything. I just met her. Just a few days of calling her a sister, and now this is probably the last time I'll ever see her.

It hurts. Everything about this hurts, but I'm just a kid trying to live my life;

but I'm not good enough.

"Evelyn loves a schedule. Try to keep her on it." My voice cracks as the words exit my lips. It's always my job to wake her up in the morning's to help her out. It's my job to load a bucket for her to carry so she can feed the animals -

I can't do any of that now.

"You're part of the family, and you'll always be apart of the family." I pause, head dropping forward; "I'll miss you too."

I'll miss you too.

Sometimes I wish I could turn back time and undo everything that I've done. It would make life easier. There's so much I haven't been able to say because I've been selfish, but right now nothing will take it away.

In this moment it's all about me and Penelope. I want her to know I care for her as much as I care for everyone else in the family. I want them to include her. To give her a reason to wear the Truus name with pride and happiness, but I'm not off to the greatest start.

Not that it's my fault they called my name.

But it is my fault that I'm tearing down every promise she wants me to make. It's for her own good. Promising her I'll return home alive when the odds are I won't even make it past day one just isn't right. I can't do that to her because I wouldn't want anyone to do that to me.

I watch the tears fall down her face, and my heart breaks over and over, and nothing will ever change what is happening. I've always wanted the chance to get to know her, and when she embraces me in a hug, a river of tears flow down the side of my face.

It hasn't been that long since Ma and Pa adopted her into the family, and now I'm having to say goodbye. I'm probably looking at her for the last time, and it hurts so bad. I've worked so hard building up the walls preventing anyone from infiltrating them, yet it only took a matter of seconds for them all to come crashing down.

The lock on the door clicks, and I see it swing open. They're coming to take her away, and I don't want this moment to end. I don't want to say goodbye because it means forever. I don't want this to be the last time that I see her, but I stand no chance in the games. I'm just a farmer from district ten fighting against others who are probably better off than me.

I feel so hopeless.

I can't bring myself to say the words as I feel them ripping her away from me. "Penelope, I..." I'm cut off by the slamming of a door. love you.

But it doesn't matter because like always, I'm just moments too late.