friend do not weep {mylee} blitz

The morning is nothing but a loss.

Loss of unconsciousness, los of heart, loss of moon.

It is in the morning now that the quiet overcomes me. Her arms wrap around me in a motion that is made to mimic comfort, but instead it constrains me within myself and I am left gasping for breath. I kick the covers from my body and pretend that I have somewhere to be. When my mother asks me where this is, I want to tell her that where I need to be is anywhere but here, anywhere but where my feet are planted in this exact moment. I know that this is not acceptable, and so I do not respond.

Her eyes are glazed with fear; she knows the danger in the silence that passes between us. She knows that this is the conversation she had with my father before he walked the path leading from the front door but never walked its opposite.

I can only promise her that I will return, but this is never an acceptable way to break the silence. She says nothing but does not stop me as I leave.

When my feet find the pavement the first tear falls, and from there, I am simultaneously the storm and the unlucky person caught in the change of atmosphere.

Perhaps it is not the particulars that have brought me here but simply the accumulation of every sadness that has ever been. Perhaps it is the knowledge that everyone I know will one-day leave or be buried.

Perhaps this is what it means to be in epiphany.

When the boy unnamed and uninvited asks me if I am okay, I do not introduce myself but I ask, “Does it frighten you that everyone you know will one day be dead?”