tonic }} d1 CBD1 }} fin

7:00 AM: Wake up - don't think about it
7:15 AM: Take a shower - scalding hot, keep it clean
7:30 AM: Wake Gin up, get ready for class
7:35 AM: Don't fucking think about it
8:00 AM: Go to class
8:05 AM: Don't make eye contact. Read a book.
8:30 AM: Hand sanitizer, thoroughly up and down arms and neck
8:35 AM: You can't see them staring if you don't look
9:15 AM: Walk Gin to his second class
9:20 AM: Arrive at yours.
10:30 AM: Break, shower again. Scalding hot. Keep it clean.
10:45 AM: Stop thinking about it
10:45 AM: Stop thinking about it
10:45 AM: Stop thinking about it
10:45 AM: Stop thinking about it
10:45 AM: Stop thinking about it
10:45 AM: Stop thinking about it
10:45 AM: Stop thinking about it
11:30 AM: Why can't you just stop

Ruined paper, shoved into black trash bags and I am staring at everything whilst seeing nothing at all. Sudden panic, dirt clings to my skin and I scrub until my skin cracks and there is blood soaking into my palms but relief is found nowhere within the stinging skin. They took it all away. To feel safe is a privilege I know only in the comfort of my own room, in the company of a brother whose broken pieces don't match mine anymore. He knows I hurt, he can do nothing to fix it. They're meant to protect you, parents are, not take everything away. To make life anything but worth living. But we're okay, I think, even if I'm not.