i am the story that will read you real {neela 1.5, pt 1}

Neela
Chiffon

∞
tell me do you remember
the games and the laughter?
far from the choices we'd have to make
∞

You know there are a lot of battles you can't win.

There would always be people more determined, more desperate, who could wear you down till it wasn't worth it to fight. Hope tempts you in the back of your mind, telling you that if you didn't try, if you didn't go against the people with power, then they'd at least leave you alone - and loneliness was a far easier load to bear than a world set against you.

Far easier than futile struggles with no end in sight; you weren't even good enough to duel with your sister's sharp wit (you were too emotional to be listened to, too naive to be reasonable) let alone sharp weapons -

You don't even attempt to fight. You tear through the woods as soon as the gong sounds, trying to outrun the sound of a single cannon firing in the distance; for several minutes, your world is filled with nothing but your heart pounding in your ears and leaves rustling under your feet.

When you finally stop to catch your breath, your entire body is tense, listening for footsteps not your own; you're good at this, you think, this listening to footsteps, for at home you were used to listening to squeaking floorboards in anticipation of hiding your things before Satin barged in your room.

It feels the same here, even if much more is at stake - the same churning stomach at the thought of Careers on the prowl - stalking behind until they catch up with you, alone and defenseless.

(And you know they're waiting in the shadows, you can't get it out of your mind how Lily and Paige and that girl who allied with Kimmie all died, because they took a moment for themselves thinking they were safe)

So you keep running, keep listening as you put the Cornucopia far behind you. You wonder how far you can keep going, if there's an edge to reach and what it would be like, if you reached it. You've had too much practice avoiding people, after all, being their out of sight, out of mind and making yourself small, lest you be hit by stray flying words.

But as you reach the edge of the woods, as you come to the cliff that slopes down to a shimmering ocean, you know the Gamemakers are smarter than to let you slip by unnoticed.

lyrics: end of innocence