laurent crest. d3m. fin.

There is too much time for regret. So much of it wasted on trivial problems. That's how Laurent felt about the past few years of his life - taken for granted, full of foolish and immature decisions. He didn't want to blame himself because he was a kid, and how was he supposed to tell the future? Yet at the same time, there were kids his age who hadn't wasted their time, who didn't have regrets.

How envious he was.

He didn't know why his ambitions had been so misplaced. Friends and popularity were the only things that mattered, but what did they bring in the long run? Nothing but a false sense of importance. All those days he spent sleeping in class or smoking in the bathrooms were a slow countdown toward a sad destiny. His mother warned him that bad grades would earn him a low paying factory job, but he never cared about all that. He was willing to do any and all type of work as long as he got paid. Work hard, play harder.

Little did he know, every second he wasted was a minute lost on his brother's clock.

Bad luck can strike at any turn, and it punished. It crumpled all of Laurent's past decisions and threw them in his face.

"Your little brother is sick," they said.

Cancer.

And suddenly their evenings couldn't be spent playing knights defending the castle. Elijah always insisted his older brother was the hero character because Laurent was his hero. He even did a class presentation about it. Naturally, any older brother would soak up the attention and play along.

Some hero. Laurent failed almost every class because he wanted to fool around. Now his brother was dying, his family was in debt, and Laurent contributed nothing.

It was pathetic. A hero who couldn't save his own family.

He didn't want to admit to his mother that part of the situation was his fault. She didn't mention it either - maybe to spare him the agony, since nobody could change the past. Of course if Laurent had known what was in store for them, he would've raised his grades and earned himself a higher paying job. His brother would be sick either way, but at least they could've afforded the treatment.

It didn't occur to him how unfair life could be until he watched his brother wither away.

Doctors denied them any treatment until they could pay. Laurent didn't understand why they couldn't just owe them. The doctors had everything he needed, yet Elijah continued to die slowly. How could they sit back and watch?

The old Laurent brushed everything off. The Reaping? Nah, he wouldn't be picked. Peacekeepers? He just had to make sure he didn't get caught. School? Boring, he would get a job no matter what. Nothing mattered but instant gratification - laughing with friends, smoking until he couldn't think straight, ignoring authority because it was fun. Reckless, careless, stupid.

But he was happy.

Now all he could feel were guilt and regret. His brother was dying and he could've changed that. How could he sit by Elijah's bed every day and face him, knowing he was a failure?

Don't blame yourself, they said.

But he couldn't ignore truth.

The sickness changed everyone. Mom worked overtime, dad began to frequent bars, and Laurent struggled to keep his sanity together. He worked as hard as he could to bring in money, but it was never enough. He spent time with Elijah, reading to him and playing games with him until he was too weak to stay awake. There wasn't much time for friends, but when he did visit them he sat uncharacteristically quiet, like an empty shell. He couldn't shake the despair in his chest, the weight of his own failures.

It was torture.

And there was nothing he could do about it, right?