anastasya {d2} cbd1

I loved, until I lost.

I turned into the death I dread.

When people tell you that life can be hard, there's a part of you that doesn't want to believe them. Maybe they are just the one who drew life's short straw, or had their karma from their past lives finally come back around and knock them down when they were already at the bottom — but that isn't the case. It's too simple, too simple to be real.

I had everything going for me: strength, success, money. People looked up to be because I was the epitome of success; I'd become something when I only had ashes to work with. But I burned whatever embers I could find, and slowly pieced things back together to find the life I knew I could have. I had become the law, aflame with the power and determined to leave a trail of flames in my wake.

But love burned stronger — because that's just what love does. It houses itself in the heart, and heart is what peacekeepers are not supposed to have. I ended up with a piece of someone else inside of me, a little version of myself and him that we could love and care for, and I gave up my lifelong dreams for a fever dream that came out of a night of passion.

I was younger then. Younger people are meant to be capable of anything. But it died, that part of me, of him — that thing that bound us together was gone and the dream I had dedicated myself to drifted away and became nothing. I had, and still have, nothing left. No cause to fight for.

The academy does not want me, I cannot find him, and so I stay up with the stars making constellations out of empty bottles that reflect the moonlight.

Alone, awake and always thinking of what could have been.

But this is just what life does. It knocks you down when you're already at the bottom. It expects you to get up, but it's not that simple. It's never that simple.

For heaven's sake, I wish it was.