bury the heart / stella & benji
Mar 12, 2021 12:09:29 GMT -5
Post by d7f amber bosch πΏ tris on Mar 12, 2021 12:09:29 GMT -5
"Are you angry with me?"
Her words come out so suddenly, and with such bitterness, that she even stuns herself. His playful remark strikes an exposed nerve, and she jerks away from his touch. It's toxic. Stella is smart enough to recognize all of the warning signs β she can label every different shade of red on the flags that surround them. This is who they have always been. This is the future she chose. This is the man she wants by her side in every family portrait.
Perfection is tied to Benji Rowland.
She places her notebook aside, folding a palm over her eyes just long enough to calm herself. "Or am I doing something terrible, and you're looking to distract yourself from it?" Memories come and go in her mind β all the fights that lead them to her bed, the way she had been tangled up with him when her plan to ruin Scarlet was playing out just downstairs. They're both the bad guy in this. She is a big enough person to admit to her sins.
But she never once aimed her gun at him.
Her bullet wound aches as she brings herself to her feet, walking to the window and crossing her arms over her chest. There's so much she wants to say. Needs to tell him. But there's this awful truth inside of her β that if she confronts the issue, if she finally shares all of her anger and hurt and jealousy with him, there's no going back. And she's already sacrificed everything for this boy. She'll gamble her happiness, too.
It devastates her to know that she loved him with everything she had β enough to build her future around him, to have their wedding planned out to the last detail in her mind, to write the name 'Stella Rowland' in her journal so carefully β only to learn that he doesn't feel the same. She thought she had been okay with it. With the loveless marriage trapped within a white picket fence. But it hurts. It breaks inside of her, and it's agony.
Because he will always be her first choice.
And she'll always be his last.
"I won't promise anything." 'Because you will break it.'
She turns on her heels, and she closes the distance between them with a kiss. Because now she's furious, and she's doing something unforgivable, and this is the only thing they know how to do in these situations. It always comes back to this. This is the forever she gambled on. And it doesn't matter that Scarlet is dead and gone β she will forever haunt Stella. There will always be a void inside of her carved out by the betrayal.
That quiet, terrifying realization that she's making a fool of herself.
His fool. Her own. Theirs.
This is the purgatory they deserve.
"I love you," spoken between kisses, and tragedies.
'And I'm sorry to myself.'