guided by a {beating} heart {lalia}

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cass
Retired Staff

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last seen Oct 24, 2021 18:11:43 GMT -5

guided by a {beating} heart {lalia} Oct 29, 2013 7:08:22 GMT -5

Post by cass on Oct 29, 2013 7:08:22 GMT -5

When she looked left and right she was struck by an unexplainable pain. Everywhere she looked there was always something to remind her of him. When she closed her eyes to try and escape it all it stayed with her and he flashed before her, body broken and bleeding. And when she couldn’t handle it he’d be there once more, as perfect as the day she had meet him, hands reaching forward to wipe the mess from her face. She’d hardly known him and yet in the few weeks she had spent with him she had found a friend, more importantly someone she was willing to fight for, someone she had been willing to die for – as ironic as it sounded in any fight with others, when they fought the elephants or other tributes she would have died for him, but when it came to the two of them she chose her life over his. A selfish act and one she regretted deeply. But no matter how much she tried to persuade herself to think that she would have let Xanthus kill her she couldn’t.

The halls seemed empty, and her hands clutched the watch that had belonged to Xanthus. Opal Shore knew who it was meant for and she knew who she had to give it to. Granted she had never meet the person it belonged to, but something within her told her she’d know them as soon as she saw them. Part of her didn’t want to let it go. Not one day had passed when she hadn’t pulled it out, stared down it, biting her lip to prevent tears that she could not stop, no matter how hard she tried. Gazing down at it she watched as her pale, clean hand – so very clean, something Xanthus would have been proud to see – tightened protectively around the dented watch. There had never been a person she honestly missed more. Locust made her heart ache and her stomach churn, she had loved Locust, but there was just something more biting and painful about the loss of Xanthus, especially seeing as she had been the one to strike him down.

Brown eyes flickered upwards; they gazed at the walls and at the fine furniture. She was at the house for a reason, and unlike most it was not for the engagement party of a sister she had not even meet. It was because she had finally gathered the courage to face a family she was certain hated her, it was because she had finally summoned enough strength to give up the one thing she had left to cling to that reminded her of Xanthus. He would always be in her heart and her mind, but none of that was physical, it wasn’t something she could latch onto and hold for dear life. They were memories and she was terrified that one day they might fade. Sighing she let her hand fall down to her side, the watch remained in her grasp, her fingers seemed unable to let go. It took little to no time at all to sift through the people that were from her own family and the other ones, after that it was a bit more difficult to decipher between which Grimm was which, but by the time she had figured out the boy that was most definitely Nero Grimm she was quickly losing her barely contained courage.

Now or never.

Taking a deep breathe she stepped forwards, she forced her feet to move quickly, weaving through the crowd until she reached the tall, slim boy. Pausing, her hands tightened around the watch and she bit her lip, eyes flickering over Nero Grimm, trying to decided on what to say. ”Hello Mr Grimm.” Her voice seemed to rise with each note, her nerves getting the better of her. “I’m… I’m Opal Shore. I was Xanthus’ friend.” She winced at those last words, how could that possibly be true? How? Her heart raced madly in her chest, and she opened her mouth, tongue fumbling as she attempted to say something, but in the end nothing came out.

Feeling my way through the darkness
Guided by a beating heart
I can't tell where the journey will end
Well life will pass me by if I don't open up my eyes
Well that's fine by me

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Last Edit: Oct 29, 2013 7:26:31 GMT -5 by cass

L△LIA
RP Tutor

3,567 POSTS

last seen Jun 24, 2019 15:25:10 GMT -5

BOOM SH△KALAKA

guided by a {beating} heart {lalia} Oct 30, 2013 13:02:05 GMT -5

Post by L△LIA on Oct 30, 2013 13:02:05 GMT -5

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Strange are the habits of the human heart. Spilling tears as if such a thing could be called medicine, forgetting that salt water in a wound will only ignite blood until it burns. It is a great contradiction and I find it difficult to deny that even I do not have my own disputes of logic, writing in the journal of a dead man as if my words might reach him and still count for something. Xanthus is gone, but my memory is not and that is only one of many things I possess that is stronger than my iron heart. I was told that it was wrong for me not to cry after he fell, but the wound of him burned more than enough already without rubbing that kind of weakness into it. I have done everything else expected of me in exchange — I was the one who made his funeral preparations, who became caretaker for his house, who conceded to a marriage in the name of amends, despite the way the mere name of the girl repulses me — but on this one matter I will not bend and no one is capable of forcing me. Perhaps if I had cried for him, I would be alone in this house right now.

Every hall is occupied by women in extravagant gowns and men wearing ascots and top hats, all abuzz over the announcement of the impending marriage between the Grimm and Shore families and today's celebration of that engagement. Of my engagement... to one Miss Amazonite Shore. I cannot comprehend my mother's logic in this arrangement, but I suppose wedding into the family of a Victor must hold a certain appeal to her, regardless of the means with which that crown was claimed. Perhaps she can forget, but I am not in possession of the ability to ignore the memory of my cousin's death in the same fashion as that woman, regardless of her expectations of my filial duties as her son.

Shallow words of congratulation come so easily from the mouths of ignorant strangers today that I have begun seeking out my unfortunate fiance simply as a means of escape. From my viewpoint, I cannot tell the ladies of the Shore family apart, one as undesirable to me as the next. They are all exactly the same: an unforgivable reminder that tempts my hand towards a means of settling that respectful society would disprove of, despite how much their continued existence makes me want to take a more personal interest in the weapons of destruction I build behind the innocent guise of my luxury toy shop downtown. "Hello, Mr Grimm." However, in the distraction of all of today's pomp and circumstance, I do seem to have momentarily forgotten that one Shore is destined to forever mean far more to me than any of the rest. "I’m… I’m Opal Shore. I was Xanthus’ friend." She utters the first first part as if I might be unaware as to who she is and, of course, this situation would be significantly more pleasant for the both of us if that were true. The last declaration she says as though I don't know the difference between a lie and profane blasphemy.

Unlike the last dozen people who have approached me, however, she does have my complete and undivided attention. "Why, Miss Shore! What an intriguing way of speaking you have; I was never aware that words could be stretched quite so far beyond their most indisputable definitions. While I have certainly heard quite a few things about you, never had I heard tell of the particularly impressive imagination you seem to be in possession of!" My voice is laced with enough sarcastic cheer to insist to anyone not listening to the particulars of our conversation and my backhanded compliments that I could not be more pleased to see the young lady before me. Strategically angling myself away from the other guests, it is only Miss Shore, however, who is privileged to a view of my hard-set expression, a shamelessly honest type of cruelty flaring behind my eyes. "By this revelation of logic, I do believe you and I must already be friends as well. Please, call me Nero. To hear the formal name my cousin and I share from your mouth seems rather inappropriate now, don't you think?"

we're dressed in black from head to toe
we've got guns hidden under our
p e t t i c o a t s
no we're never gonna quit it
no we're never gonna quit it no

( C H A R A C T E R S )

cass
Retired Staff

4,822 POSTS

last seen Oct 24, 2021 18:11:43 GMT -5

guided by a {beating} heart {lalia} Oct 30, 2013 22:04:09 GMT -5

Post by cass on Oct 30, 2013 22:04:09 GMT -5

Idiot.

It was the first thought to cross her mind as the words had untangled themselves from her lips. Why on Earth had she said that? Why on Earth had she breathed such things? There was no way in hell Nero Grimm was going to believe for a second that she had been a friend of his cousins. All he saw was how she had killed him. And the next words that leaved his lips were all the validation she needed to know that Nero Grimm was ignorant to everything else that had happened in that arena. They were stinging, cutting words, made just that tad bit more horrible by the sarcasm that laced it all like venom. It dripped from everything he said and Opal would had to of been an idiot to miss it. The mocking cheerful tone was enough to make her blood boil and her stomach twist painfully. But the way he spoke, with that formality was so familiar that her heart ached more then she felt angered. Dear Ripred she missed him so much – in any other circumstance she would have simply denied the sarcasm and delight, and instead she would have just focused on his words, and pretended that it was him. But it wasn’t going to go like that. Nero Grimm seemed determined to let her know exactly how he felt about Xanthus’ death, and that he found everything that even slipped past her lips to be nothing more than a lie.

Opal had made the obvious mistake when she had greeted this man. It was clear that she should not have said what she had, and she was already berating herself for her stupidity. It had been a foolish mistake and now she was paying dearly for her insolence. There was a thousand different things she could have greeted him with, and yet the foolish girl had chosen the worst thing to say of all. Nero probably didn’t remember that on the first day she had sat behind Xanthus and slowly, but surely stitched up his back. She had helped him, she had been there for him, and she had mended him. Opal had fought by his side. Maybe he had forgotten at the feast when she had ran right up to him, when she had pressed her face into his shoulder and hugged him. Maybe he had missed how Xanthus had hugged her back. He wouldn’t know what had happened on the train. He wouldn’t have seen the hours they had spent together talking. Or maybe he had just forgotten all of it and instead had clung to the one thing that she had done worst of all. She regretted it. It was the biggest regret she could ever possibly have. And no one would ever make her feel more horridly about it then she did every day.

The hardness in Nero Grimm’s gaze was enough to make her heart skip a beat. Here was a man unbent by social rules, he was willing to be brutally honest. He was more than eager to hurt her in any way he could. Opal Shore found herself almost eager to hear everything he had to say about her. She was very much ready to hear it all, to feel herself break under everything he had to say. She deserved it. She wanted it, she wanted to be crushed by this guilt, every day was just bringing her back to the fight, every day was making her dream that she could step back and switch places. Have her lost leg be that wound that ended her life, let her fall into that sand and die. Here before her was a family grieving for their loss. Her family would never have grieved. Yet she had been selfish in the end, taking his life so that she might return home. Sending a family that loved him into a state of mess, when if she had of just fallen and died it all would have ended perfectly. Her family could move in, pretended she had never existed and Xanthus could have gone home – he would have won – and spent the rest of his days with a family that loved him.

Biting her lip she turned her eyes briefly away from Nero. Taking a deep breath she allowed them to harden ever so slightly, before turning her stony brown gaze back to him. Opal wouldn’t just let him demean her, not without a fight. Sure she was almost needy of his burning words, but she wouldn’t let him have at her without a fight. A fight she knew she’d lose. “If you insist, Nero.” Purposefully she ignored whatever intent he held behind those words. She had never been good at deciphering such things. But she was smart enough to feel the evident cruelty behind everything Nero Grimm said. “Then by all means, please, call me Opal. After all we are friends.” She responded, tone crisp.

Her hands tightened around the watch in her left hand. Her shoulders sagged at its touch. This was it. But her body refused to let go of it, then with a defeated sigh she drew it up, opening her hand to show Nero. ”Here. This is yours.” Her tone held an unmistakable sadness. The watch remained in the palm of her hand, offering it up to him. “You know, Nero, I’m sorry. There aren’t enough ways I can apologise, or enough words in which I can say how sorry I am. I don’t give a rat’s ass if you believe me or not. I’m not here to be forgiven. I’ll never forgive myself.” Her eyes slowly trail down to the watch, the urge to grip it tightly and never let go is something she fights down. Biting her lip she lets her gaze wander back to Nero’s hard face. ”I’d swap places with him in a heartbeat. It just took me too long to see that he deserved it more. And I’m sorry I was selfish, and that I couldn’t see what was right in front of me.” Her eyes remained glued to his, and she knew that she had just opened herself up to be destroyed.

Feeling my way through the darkness
Guided by a beating heart
I can't tell where the journey will end
Well life will pass me by if I don't open up my eyes
Well that's fine by me

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