D4 // Harper Libertine

Cruised into a bar on the shore
Her picture graced the grime on the door
She's a long lost love at first bite
Baby, maybe you're wrong
But you know it's all right

( N A M E ) Harper Kellan Libertine
( A G E ) Seventeen
( G E N D E R ) Male
( D I S T R I C T / A R E A ) District Four

Back stage we're having the time of our lives
Until somebody says
"Forgive me if I seem out of line"
Then she whipped out her gun
And tried to blow me away

( P E R S O N A L I T Y )

I am the line in the sand.

Some people try to say there are two sides, as if they were splitting the beach in half and proclaiming the rules for a child's game, but if there are two such sides in life, then I must be playing at something completely different. I am both and neither. I am the in-between. It seems the only thing that's difficult for me to fathom is the idea that life could be so simple or divided. To me, it's the black and white that is difficult to comprehend. There is only my favorite color: gray.

The whole world is a beautiful blur refracting through the ocean mist that collects on the windows of my family's pawn shop. With a simple tilt of my head it shifts into a thousand new fragments of perspective, light flexing through the droplets until everything in view possesses a halo of indecision. Other people see the world the same way when their faces are pressed against that glass, but for them it hardens into sharp edges and solid shapes the moment they turn away. However, the softness of these visions never leaves me. I cannot so easily unsee these changes in light and air. Instead, I become them.

My very existence is in a constant state of flux; I am something of a soul-shifter. Although sharp edges are more difficult for me, I still keep their memories in my bones and sometimes when I move they show through. Even before I began manipulating the way shadows rise and fall in my wake, the gray of my constant other-self tumbled into uncertainty at my feet with every step I took. If I were less headstrong, I believe I would have still grown up to become nearly the same as I am today. The only difference is I wouldn't be so self-assured or in control of myself. But as it is, I've found myself in the roils of constant change. While this kind of fluidity might perplex the rest of the world, it is right for me. There is a sense of being everything all at once that fills me up until I am complete and I don't care if that's difficult for other people to understand, because this haze of being makes utterly perfect sense to me.

Dude looks like a lady
Dude looks like a lady
Dude looks like a lady
Dude looks like a lady
Dude looks like a lady

( H I S T O R Y )

It was difficult for a while, honestly, growing up with an out of focus mind and being told how I was supposed to pull everything in until I fit neatly within a very precise set of lines. When you're so small and only understand how to be curious, those kinds of words make a strong impression. Lucky for me that I always knew that strong impressions didn't feel right, otherwise I'm sure these ideas would have torn me into unmatchable pieces. I saw from the beginning how most people looked to those around them in an attempt to see what kind of person they should become, but I never understood why I was supposed to look to the outside world for explanations to what I kept within me. Even as a young child I knew that my thoughts were my own and my feelings were definitely my own and if someone else didn't like what I kept inside of me —

Well, then they could look to someone else for ideas of how to think about themselves.

I chose my own thoughts and looked to myself to decide what kind of person I could become. People didn't question these little idiosyncrasies until they could see the evidence of my creative freedoms spreading to my skin. That's when I began discovering new definitions for the word no; I learned many from neighbors and schoolmates, but I made up a few myself as well. Determination makes the soul grow stronger and I was already shameless by the time I gathered the courage to sneak into Ursula's closet for the first time, stealing shirts and pants more lithely cut than the hand-me-down clothing I'd been given by my older brother. It wasn't an idea that my sister's clothing would fit me better than what I owned that led me to try them on, rather it was the deeply seeded knowledge that part of me knew precisely how to fit myself into them. If I was going to mold myself to one thing, then I figured I may as well mold myself to everything.

As I began to blur gender lines and play with the way I presented myself to the world, I learned that I could become anything I wanted. With the twist of my smile or a shift in my stance, the world would bend in reaction to me just the same as if it were viewing me through the condensation I grew up studying on windows. The smallest nudge can yield an infinite difference and I know how to to use this knowledge to lure people in. Confusion is a secret snare. It is the source of curiosity and I am the explanation, simply because I understand how to be unknown. So don't be mistaken — ambiguity has very little in common with nothingness.

So never judge a book by its cover
Or who you gonna love by your lover
Said love put me wise to her love in disguise
She had the body of a Venus
Lord, imagine my surprise

( A P P E A R A N C E )

In fact, I encourage uncertainty and aspire to be uncharted. To me there will always be magic in mysteries and so there could be no greater dream than to be forever undefinable. Even if I didn't put forth effort to accentuate my androgyny, I was destined for it. Allowing my pale blonde hair to grow past my collar bone may be a choice my mother stopped arguing with me about several years ago, but my delicately hewn bone structure has always been undeniable. There are things in life that you choose for yourself and then there are perhaps still more that are a part of you before you've even realized it.

I could glut myself to disguise the fragile build of my body, but an excess of food would do nothing to expand the thin bridge of my nose or to balance the fullness of my lips. My face would still give me away with a single glance at the soft curve of my jawline or the eyelashes that are ever so slightly longer and thicker than society seems to deem entirely appropriate. There are times when it is only the fullness of my eyebrows that hints at a gender that clothing so easily hides. Yet, in my opinion, these are foolish indicators for perceptions of what I am. It is only my eyes that give the truth of me away: Gray.

Dude looks like a lady
Dude looks like a lady
Dude looks like a lady
Dude looks like a lady
Dude looks like a lady

( C O D E W O R D ) Odair
( F A C E C L A I M ) Andrej Pejic

Baby, let me follow you down
Let me take a peak, dear
Do me, do me, do me all night
Turn the other cheek, dear
Do me, do me, do me, do me

( C O M M E N T S / O T H E R )

Dude (Looks Like A Lady) by Aerosmith

Kelpie in the Pawn Shop Profiteers plot

What a funky lady
She like it, like it, like it
Like that
He was a lady
Dude looks like a lady

( S P E A K I N G ) 30485B
( T H I N K I N G ) 485566
( T E X T ) 7F92A1
( O T H E R ) A8B7BE
( O T H E R S P E A K I N G ) E2E5D7

Dude looks like a lady
Dude looks like a lady
Dude looks like a lady
Dude looks like a lady
Dude looks like a lady