the graveyard.— [alex pepperwood (open)]

the graveyard.— [alex pepperwood (open)] Sept 28, 2021 4:28:42 GMT -5

Post by Deleted on Sept 28, 2021 4:28:42 GMT -5

Before today, I hadn't gone to Thad's grave other than his funeral. And this was my first time here without any of my brothers around. I wanted to visit sooner than this, I did. But, I was scared to honestly. I know, what does a cool guy like me have to be scared of? I'm not sure of the answer honestly. I was probably just scared of accepting the fact Thad was truly gone.

His death took me a while to register. I kept thinking he was going to show up back at home one day. I wouldn't let any of my family touch his stuff for over a week after he died, as though he was going to come back to it. He died too young, even though he's older than me. He deserved better than the death he was given. He deserved more than to be murdered as a teenager. Then again, so did all of the other fallen tributes.

I watched as around me people visited the graves of those they cared about. I wondered about the stories of the graves as I walked through the cemetery. Would their stories ever get told? How many other people buried here died too young? Are you ever old enough to die? Until I stopped at Thad's grave and I took off my backpack.

I unzipped the bag and pulled out a bouquet of windflowers. I was reading one of Thad's old books about plants and saw that these flowers symbolised both death but also the arrival of spring. I thought that was a nice meaning, death yet rebirth. I placed them on his grave gently, as if I set the flowers down too roughly I'd hurt them. But, not before I removed as many of the fallen leaves as I could. I noted that maintaining his grave the way it deserved would be a little harder in the fall.

And then I sat near it and closed my eyes, imagining he was here with me. I spoke softly to the grave in whispered tones, pretending I was talking to Thad. Part of me wondered if he could hear me, wherever he was. I hoped that he could. I wanted him to feel loved and safe and warm in the afterlife. I wanted him to know that I would never forget him, that his family would never forget him. We all loved him, so much.

"Hey Thad. It's almost been a year, how crazy is that? I miss you a ton, and I love you. I love you so much. I'm sorry I didn't hug you before I left, I should have. I'll regret not hugging you for the rest of my life. And I'm sorry I didn't come visit you sooner. I just- it's so fucking hard to admit that you're gone. I don't want you to be gone. I need you. Sammy needs you. Larry needs you. Harmon needs you. We all need you back, Thad. But, you can't come back."

I took a white cloth and wiped off his grave, barely touching it. I wanted to get any dust or dirt off of it - and this served as a little distraction for my emotions. Yet, there was a slight dirt mark. I just couldn't get it off, and I was scared of hurting the stone by scrubbing it too hard. I kept wiping it over and over again. And then, I got overwhelmed and broke down crying. I just wanted to keep his grave clean, and couldn't even do that. I couldn't volunteer for him. I couldn't keep him alive. And now I couldn't even honor his memory. It was all starting to be too much for me. In that moment, all I wanted was the hug I never got in the justice building.

[ 632 words]

the graveyard.— [alex pepperwood (open)] Oct 2, 2021 8:56:35 GMT -5

Post by djed carnelian . d8m [kap] on Oct 2, 2021 8:56:35 GMT -5

[googlefont="Love Ya Like A Sister"]Norma Seismo

Loss is a really tough thing to have to suffer through, and the grief that comes along with it is even harder. I remember when Bella died. Ollie, too— and Piper— and when I thought that Enzo had died. Now that he's back, it makes things a little better, but seeing him die on that screen in front of all of Panem was hard. It was really fucking hard, even if he is back from the dead.

The damn Hunger Games are the probably the worst idea anyone has ever had. Who the hell decides to kill children every year to keep their country in line? Children? No damn sane person would do that, but I guess that just goes to show you that Panem's leaders have never been sane people. I think we all knew that at this point, though. It's pretty clear, if you ask me.

I visit Bella, Piper and Ollie's graves more often than I probably should. Today was a trip to their graves again. Back to the cemetery where they were buried, just to talk and reminisce in the good parts of their lives, before the Games. Usually when I go to their graves, no one else is a around. Sure, a lot of tributes are buried in the same cemetery, so there are people from time to time that I see visiting their graves, but I suppose I don't usually go in the middle of the day. That could be why I'm usually alone when I go there. I'm often visiting their graves very early in the morning, and often on weekdays. It's better for me when it's quiet.

When I went to visit their graves today, though, there was someone else there. A young boy, at the grave of Thad Pepperwood. He looked similar to Thad, so I figured it could have been his brother, or perhaps a cousin or something. Then, I heard him start to talk to Thad's gravestone.

I understood what he was doing. It was something that I did, too. I often spoke to the graves of those from the Pound who'd passed on. It was like having a conversation with those who were gone, even if they couldn't respond to what I was saying to them.

The boy was talking to his brother about how people still needed him, and how he loved him. I didn't mean to eavesdrop on his conversation, but admittedly, it was truly hard not to when we weren't far apart from each other. I was just a few stones over.

When he finished speaking, I decided to stand up. I'm not sure why, but I felt the need to talk to him. It probably wasn't the best idea, as he could get angry at me. I didn't know him, after all, and he probably wanted his privacy, but I decided to do it anyway. It felt important to me.

The boy was wiping off Thad's grave when I started to approach him, but then he broke down crying. I paused for a moment, not sure if I should still approach him. So, I decided to speak to him from a few feet away.

"Are you okay?" I asked him. "I know it's tough, trust me, I really understand. I know you don't know me, but if you want to talk..."

I looked at the boy, but didn't move any closer. He might want nothing to do with me, so I felt that I should keep my distance. I didn't believe that a boy his size could actually hurt me, but I wanted to make sure I didn't upset him further than he already was.

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[602 words]