Pepperwood Farms Remembers [Thad's funeral, 88th]

I just wasn't mentally prepared for Thad's funeral. I told myself I wouldn't be high for it, which I'm telling you, without smoking weed, my anxiety spikes through the roof. So, I was sober and anxious. I suppose it is what it is, though. There's nothing I could really do about it now that I was here. I didn't bring any with me, and it'd probably be seen as disrespectful to light some up right now.

There was no way in hell I wanted to be seen as disrespectful at my own brother's funeral. I also didn't want to be seen as a ball of anxiety, but that couldn't be helped. That's just what I was.

My brothers were there with me. Sammy. Alex. Larry. Our parents were there, too, of course. Thad's best friend Donnie had shown up as well, which was no surprise. There were other people at the funeral too, but their presence didn't register in my brain as much, because as soon as I had noted to myself that the most important people were there, I kind of started to block everything else out.

A few people spoke about Thad. They all said nice things. My mom cried a lot when she spoke in front of everyone, as well as while everyone else who spoke about Thad said their stuff. I teared up a bit at what was said, but tried not to completely start crying. I needed to be tough for my brothers. I was the oldest, after all. I needed to be the strong one when it came to things like this. At least, that's what I told myself, even if it wasn't entirely true.

Before the speeches were over, I decided that I needed to give my own. I hadn't planned anything, but it just felt right. Words needed to be said about how much Thad meant to me and to everyone else that was here. So, that's exactly what was going to happen.

"I'd like to say a few words, if I could," I said when our mother finished her own speech about Thad.

I was welcomed up to the front of the crowd of people who were gathered there and was handed a microphone. It wasn't a huge crowd, so I wasn't sure why the microphone was necessary, but I used it anyway. I glanced from person to person before I started. I looked at my family, and at Donnie. I even found one of Thad's ex girlfriends that he had still been friends with in the group of people gathered there.

"I appreciate you all being here, truly," I started. "I'm sure most of you know me. I'm Harmon Pepperwood, one of Thad's brothers. If you knew Thad, you'd know we were basically attached at the hip."

There were a few people in the crowd already tearing up. Or, perhaps they were still crying from my mother's speech. A few weak smiles were on the faces of those that were trying to stay positive.

"I figured I'd come up here to tell you all about some of the good times that Thad and I had together. Before I do that, though, I wanted to remind you all of what a great person Thad was. He was one of the strongest guys I ever knew. He was beaming with confidence, even if it was in the wrong places sometimes. He was smart, even if he didn't always want everyone to know it. I swear, the guy spent hours reading books about plants just so that he could prepare himself for how to use them if he ended up in the Hunger Games."

I paused for a moment and looked around before I continued.

"As we all know, Thad did end up in the Hunger Games, and he fought harder than anything. He put his all into it, and in the end, even if he didn't make it home a victor, he's still in our hearts and our memories as the amazing person that he was."

There were definitely some tears coming from some more people in the group gathered there now.

"Now, about those stories I said that I wanted to share. I guess I'll start off with one of my favorites, and then we'll move into the other one. I'll try not to take too much of your time, but I feel like Thad would want you all to know these things."

I started to tell the first of the two stories that I could think of most vividly. "So, quite a few years ago, when Thad and I were probably thirteen and fourteen years old, we were playing football outside with our friends Dan and Donnie, as we often did. Donnie threw the ball to me, and Thad tackled me to try to stop me from getting it. We both ended up right in a big mud puddle, absolutely soaked. So, we stopped the game there, Donnie and Dan started to help us up, but Thad and I pulled them right down with us. Now, the four of us were covered in mud, laughing and throwing more of it at each other. It may sound dumb, but to us, it was hilarious, and it's something I remember really well to this day."

I looked around the gauge the audience. There were a few chuckles, but nothing too major. I wasn't even sure if I should continue on with my next story, but I decided to nonetheless. Hopefully I wasn't boring them to no end.

"So, the other story I thought I'd share with you all is from the last day I say Thad. Our time in the Justice Building together was short, and it ended with a fist bump rather than a hug, which I will say I kind of regret, but I wanted to explain something to you all. Going into that day, I was supportive of what Thad wanted to do. He had planned on volunteering, but I could tell as soon as he was reaped, that going into the Games? That wasn't okay. I think he realized it, too. He didn't really want to fight in the Games. None of us wanted him to, either. You know what, though? When I talked to him in the Justice Building, while I was tearing up? He stayed strong. He comforted me when it probably should've been the other way around. Today, I want us all to celebrate him, like he would've celebrated us. While we comfort each other over him not being here anymore, think of how he'd want to be remembered. He was strong, caring and intelligent. He was one of the nicest people I ever met, and I miss him. Just don't forget about what a good person he was."

I decided to end what I was saying right there.

"Thank you."

I stepped away from the microphone, and headed back to where I'd been before, standing next to my brothers. I felt a tear run down my face. Damn it, I was trying so hard to be strong, but now I was failing. I just hoped that was okay. I hoped Thad would be okay with it.

Who am I kidding? Of course he'd be okay with it.

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