a heart so true / axel's pokesquad

I'll be the first to admit that Paulie was actually a complete accident.

I was still fresh off the high of getting Mickey, we'd been pals for maybe a few months and we were already flunking out of the Career program beautifully. He was like me really - a lover, not a fighter!

So, we skipped out on training one day and went down to the beach where the rocks are all nice and smooth. I used to fish there sometimes, before I found out that the fish are actually sentient and maybe also Pokemon with thoughts and feelings and emotions, and then it wasn't quite as fun anymore so I stopped and handed out flyers about why other people should maybe please stop as well.

But anyways, we're there, and Mickey starts barking. I didn't know that Mudkips could even bark, but that's what he was doing. He did a little dance, because he's really really good at dancing, and then that's when I saw it.

There was a little Poliwag washed up onto the rocks, right where the water all pools when the tide comes in. I think my heart broke right then and there, because he's CUTE, ok? He's real tiny. He's the smallest thing I've ever seen.

I took my shoe off and filled it with some water and then put him right in there. I took him home in my shoe and holy shit you should have seen the look on Dad's face. I walk into the study and show him this tiny little tadpole just floating around in my sneaker and he looks at me like I'm the most disappointing son in the world (which doesn't really make sense, because Anton is right there, but whatever).

Welcome to the fam, little dude.

Dude, the Capitol is weeiiiiirrd.

If you've never been there you'll just have to take my word for it. But I was there for this talent show, I thought it would be funny if I signed up even though I don't really have any talent? While the funny story got even funnier when I got in and then got through and then made it all the way to the Judge's Cuts.

But I met this really fucked up guy while I was there - Pietro.

He's a clown.

Anyways on our last day there we were hanging out in his hotel room and I'd just gotten off the phone with Annie, crying because I missed her and also because I was uhhh doing some things not suitable for your little kid ears (shut the fuck up, Toby) and I think Pietro maybe thought that I was just having a bad trip or something (trip like.... we were planning a road trip! Yeah, haha, we were planning a road trip!).

So he hands me this... thing?

"Shrooms." He said. Or at least that's what I think he said because to be honest that night's still a little garbled in my brain.

But I remember looking at the weird little mushroom he gave me, then I looked at him.

“Dude, I don’t want to eat this.” I told him. “It’s got eyes.”

Looking back on it, I think he might've been using Pokemon as drugs, or at least eating them or something, and wow

I should probably call him.

This one's got the funniest story.

Do you kids know about the Maes? Lysander's one of the more recent Champions, but I ended up meeting her brother at that reality tv thing I was talking about earlier.

It was pretty fun! I got there a bit late but I ended up making out with him a bit, we-

STOP BOOING. STOP STICKING YOUR TONGUES OUT- NO ITS NOT GROSS STOP GAGGING STOP IT-

Cooties aren't real Toby, sit down.

Anyways. Where was I?

Reality tv. Wolfgang. Right. Okay, so we were on this date assignment together, carrying a picnic basket, walking through the long grass, the usual. We'd been trying to ditch the cameras for like twenty minutes because they were suffocating and the lights the crew carried around were annoyingly bright.

Then BOOM!

Igglybuff. Sitting right there in the grass.

And of course, I lost my shit laughing because Wolf's hair colour at the time was exactly the same colour as the Igglybuff. Thus the name. It's just a little something to remember him by, y'know? Memories of a bromance.

Anyways, don't tell him I told you that.

Elvira settles in nicely if you forgot about the fact she's feeding on my sadness and also constantly scaring the poor pants off of Paulie.

Honestly, I think that's the reason he never evolved. He's just a little guy - he's got a lot of worries to worry about! I don't blame him for having a little performance anxiety.

It happens to the best of us.

Although these days of wondering if Paulie has a bit of a CRUSH on our resident Shuppet??

When we go down to the beach he always does these fancy flips like he's trying to show off, and I know I see him looking over to where Elvira likes to float. (Right near my head in order to absolutely maximize the brain juice she's getting.)

But it's alright, I don't mind if Paulie wants to take his time. I'm not a FREAK like Anton and shoving those nasty xp candies down my buddies' throats just so they'll grow up and look cooler. I think Paulie looks cool the way he is!

I'll support him whatever he does. I'm the one that ruined my shoe just to bring him home, after all. You be you, pal. I'll still be here.

Little Stinker's a shiny, but don't let that fool you.

He's a real little stinker.

The thing about Boldores is that their crystals are mad expensive. And the shiny ones? No shot you're gonna be able to find one still walking around. The people in the Capitol go gaga for their bodies to be made into jewelry and furniture and whatever other terrible ideas they come up with for the poor things.

When I heard there were a bunch of poachers on the prowl nearby? I was out of the house like a shot.

Shrooms punched the snot out their shins while Elvira freaked them out with her freaky eyes. Mickey barked at them and danced around them and Wolfgang screeched into this pink little microphone I got him. Paulie stood there looking very intimidating. (He's the supervisor of the team.)

And me? I ran through there while the squad was doing their thing and scooped up the poor little Boldore the poachers were cornering.

We could probably make a living out of this - Axel Morrisen & Co. saving endangered Pokemon since about five seconds ago.

But like I said. Little Stinker. We went home in triumph and Little Stinker immediately made himself cozy. He's got like, this weird nest thing in the kitchen? He keeps stealing all the blankets from the bedroom and piling them in a spot under the sink and then burrowing. I dunno, I just leave him to do his thing. He's less prone to stepping on my feet that way, and that dude is waaaayy heavier than he looks. I think he actually broke my toe once.

But on the other hand, when he's in a less-mischevious mood, he's almost like a weighted blanket. He sits right on my sternum and his crystals only poke at me a little, but it's not too bad.

If he wasn't suck a little stinker, I don't think he'd fit in nearly as well.

MAJOR ALERT!!! We've got an EGG in the house!!!

That's right. You heard it here first - Paulie's gonna be a DAD!

I didn't even think him and Elvira were in the same egg group, but I guess miracles do happen. The breeder was real confused about it too. I just shrugged and then he just shrugged and we figured that if the two of them were able to make it this far, it'll all work out fine. And I've never seen either of them this happy before, honest. I don't even think Elvira's been all that focused on zapping me.

Professor Krigel said that it's gonna take at least six thousand steps for this thing to hatch. I said that that's a really weird system to keep track of. He agreed.

I mean, that's really weird right? That's really weird. How does the little guy inside know that he's been taken six thousand steps? Maybe he's got one of those little counter watches, but baby-sized. Maybe the egg itself counts and then the baby watches the counter from the inside and breaks out at just the right number.

Either way - break out the aerobics board, boyos, we better get steppin'!