adventures in the vampire timeshare (wwdits)

I think that if there's anything I'd like vampires to know it's that capes are kind of stupid?

Yeah, they drag through everything, I mean everything. When I say that, I mean like.... I don't know if that was clear to you. One time Caelum forgot that that he wasn't supposed to eat mortal food and let me just say, there was a mess to clean up that night. His cape? Oh yeah, I had to burn it. It was vom city, like I don't even understand how one stick thin vampire could fit that much in his body like of city, like population three billion people plus all of brooklyn's rats which is a lot-

"Where the FUCK is my cape?!"

... so don't tell Caelum but I honestly was afraid I was gonna die of biohazard fumes so I actually burned his cape alive in a garbage can fire in the backyard the next morning. I pretended I was just doing yard work and our next door neighbour called the cops because it smelled so bad and I think she thinks that we make crack in the basement because she's always looking over her hedge?

"Uhhh! Coming master!"

So anyway-

oh what? No I don't have to go anywhere, he's gonna come to me in like two seconds and then try to use that hypnotize trick on me until I get him a virgin to drink.

....

Hey... do y'all fuck?

See, I told you, there he is. You're gonna want to get this on camera, he's going to try and hypnotize me. It's really funny because like, I guess I smoke too much pot these days but it doesn't work on me anymore, it's kind of like I'm in a constant high anyways?

He really has a fun time with it though and I think it's real sweet when Caelum's happy so I just let him have this-

"Yes master," I drone, doing my best impression of a hypnotized Pietro, "Your cape is in a time capsule underneath Lea Michele's apartment building, underneath ten concrete blocks. I thought you would like to have something in there and I was going back from the dry cleaner's and it's all I had on me. You are welcome."

Then I fall on out of my hypnotized state and do a really good job of looking slightly confused because I'm actually always slightly confused?

Anyway.

"Want me to press your cute costume shirt with the ruffles instead for you master?"

Gotta keep the master happy, rule like six of being a familiar.