sloane oftheskies [ d3 ] fin

☆☆☆

17 concise bio from ratmas 2/3

ripred_bot

I'll never hate anyone more than you.

Life used to be so simple. My dreams weren't haunted by a strike as blinding as the worst lightning. My ears didn't ring with a devilish scream loud enough to rival yours. Whenever I think I'm clean of the memory, it replays. Orbs in my eyes, it's there wherever I go, becoming more and more familiar in the most haunting way because I realise that I live my life through eyes that are stained with what you did.

I didn't have to do what I did, I know that, but you were at the age of innocence and I was fragile. I was a good for nothing, bundle of worries until that day, and somehow, in the storm that transpired, that moment gave me purpose. I realised that I could do something good for someone, and although it would cost me, it would feel good. I'd be rewarded eventually, in this life or the next, and that would make it worth it. It was protectionism in the most selfish way, but I was still a saviour nonetheless.

You got to grow up. You got to be normal. You got to live completely untainted by what you had done. And now, I realise that I was right to do what I did, because the truth is: you wouldn't have survived a second in my situation. The wolves that raised me would've eaten you alive. They would've torn you limb from limb, and I hate you so much for making me the person I am today. I wanted to be normal too.

I hate you so fucking much for being a stupid, little kid. A stupid, little kid who did an impossibly stupid thing, but a stupid, little kid who was in the wrong place at the wrong time. A stupid, little kid who didn't understand what was going on. A stupid, little kid who was a victim of circumstance. Afraid of everything, you became everything you were afraid of when you pulled that trigger. 

I couldn't let life ruin you like that. It wouldn't be fair. So, I let it ruin me instead.