all I know is pouring rain // thomas&xaa day 5

Out of all the booze I could have found in the strange market that appeared every time I seemed to need anything; a bright pink bottle of flavored vodka was not what I was expecting. I assumed whatever was haunting the woods, whatever monsters the capitol created to mess with our minds, would have not been a fan of brightly colored girly little drinks. It was almost as if Elise Krane’s ghost puked in the bottle just to spite me.

Whatever, who even gave a damn at this point.

Luna was dead, out of all my handpicked minions, I thought the bitch would be the one that I would have to end up killing at the end. According to my brief conversation with Will, it was at the fault of the boy from eleven that I beat up in the training center and Vallen, Elijah’s blind hound.

Will was there when Luna died.

Will could not save Luna.

Why would she have in the first place? She left us, she owed us nothing. At this point she was fighting for her own survival the way we were fighting for ours. I keep telling myself that Luna had to die, that it was eventually going to happen. The same way Will was eventually going to die and so was Tommy.

Tommy the only one still by my side, takes the pink bottle out of my hand after I proclaimed the drink nothing more than a bottle of pink shit and knocks back a few sips. A tiny hint of laughter escapes my lips as the ironic scene of the ghostly boy from twelve indulges in bright pink and glitter. The two should have never been together, especially not in this period of mourning. Luna would have hated the drink we were given; this was one cruel joke after another. Why not add to the mockery of the wake and add some pie.

”She was definitely something” Thomas proclaims, weary in his voice.

I reached into my bag pulling out the slice of strawberry pie I had found during my tumble down the rabbit whole. "Wanna share the pie? Make it a whole event in the honor of the cold-hearted killing machine, taken from us all too soon?" I held up the pie in my hands as if I were making an offering to the gods, "Oh ghost of our dearly departed Luna, bless this slice of pie with your ability to install fear even into the likes of a goddess such as myself!”, my voice overcome with irony and joy to mask the sorrow that I felt for the loss of my friend. Not just friend, she was my family in here.

We continue to joke; we continue to tell stories of the girl from two. Neither of us know much about her, yet her disapproving tone and her listening ears gave us a sense of safety in the arena. Even if it was nothing more than an illusion. Passing the bottle as the taste of artificial lemon and vodka burns down our tongues and throats. A pink haze of emotion rides the wave of intoxication, and we fall silent. Lost in my thoughts of mourning, I hoped that Luna came across Elise in hell and would send her my most spiteful of regards. I stared down at the bottom of it trying to think of something, anything to say. I almost feared that we said all there was to say, and we would fight the rest of our battles out in silence.

Then Tommy spoke of numbness, and I scoffed.

"Let me tell you something my mama told me." I pressed my lips together as my mother’s voice echoed through my mind. I stared towards the bottom of the bottle knowing she is watching at home disapproving. "The moment you become numb is the moment you lose your humanity." It was all a joke, it had to be all a joke, my words slurred in disbelieve that I was drunk enough off of the pink shit to tap into the emotions I tried so hard to turn off with other substances. Maybe this is exactly what the fae wanted.

"Congratulations Tommy, dear. Humanity sucks. You achieved what I never could on my own. " with those words and tears beginning to form in my eyes, I took another swig from the bottle only to be met with the last few drops.

There was nothing left to mask the feelings.

table by dars