who am I if I we are not jim and jill? ( j & j jb )

You know, for just being picked to die, I’d expect a little bit more luxury in my final words to family. Not that much of my family would visit me, they’re all focused on Flynn’s sister. The walls are a boring coffee-brown and the floor is a darker brown. I’m stuck there - terrified, annoyed, confused and perplexed about the situation. There’s no way the odds decided for two Garners to get reaped. It’s just… not right, dude! Like our escort’s makeup. Glitter? Really?

Whatever.

Anyway, I bet Nessa got a nice room. Only the best for the victor’s little sister - and dear Ripred they will milk that shit in the Capitol. I might as well forget Flynn exists. Teddy’s not… that old, right? It’s been almost 20 years since he won, so he has some youth compared to the old skeletons of Arbor and Aranica in 12.

It felt like hours, but realistically, it was minutes before my sister whipped through the door and choked my arms. Naturally, I fell into her embrace. Our bodies had been connected since conception. We connect our hearts just like the veins we shared. Corny, I know, but there’s not much time left with the first and last person to know me. Deeper than whatever Michael and I had - god he’s always felt more like a toy than a lifelong commitment. I bring him out to play whenever I want to.

"We—I can fix this. I got Michael looking for Mum and Dad; they will bribe some of the peacekeepers. It's the least they can do. I—I can fix this." Her voice shakes and wobbles with the same intensity that my heart rate’s flown at for the past ten minutes. ”We can’t, Jill, we can’t.” I don’t care about Michael and Mum or Dad - they don’t matter right now. Our parents couldn’t even spare the time to say happy birthday to us. I don’t want them to see me before I die.

Why let them mourn me while I’m alive? They haven’t even celebrated me alive.

”I wish- I wish we could.” I choke on my words - ”he family doesn’t deserve this - you- you…” My words start becoming blocked - I forget to talk, as surprising as it is. ”You don’t deserve this.” My breath catches on you- because she’s going to be alone.

”You know how little our parents give a fuck - why would they now?” Because they feel sorry that we won’t have each other to bug? God, money can’t solve everything. If it could, they should start with Alex Farlett’s cheating gene. Fuck him, man, Carolina didn’t deserve it! Imagine being fifteen and picking that skank Whitley. Does he not remember when she gave half of her class mono from the water fountain? She can’t get herself tested, let alone keep those germs to herself! I hope he gets like… herpes or something from her and she dumps him. Justice for my girl Carolina. I stroke Jill's hair, strawberry, like mine. One of the many traits we share. ”Can we… not, have them come in? Them and Michael. I don’t care about them. I really don’t.” I just want my sister, because another trait we share is that she’s a real one, unlike the hormone-infected whores in our school.

Dude, we look so stupid right now. Justified but stupid. We’re stuck here sobbing into each other's shirts, and mine looks like I just got out of a damn thunderstorm. We cry as if we haven’t lived an entire life with each other.

At one point in our lives, we were just… imaginations for our parents. Thoughts. Pastel little decorations on cream-muted walls, white cribs, and twin-coded clothes to differentiate two nearly identical infants. When our parents had to care for us - we were purple and red high chairs, purple and red toothbrushes, purple and red. They saw us as a sparkle, a light in their eyes that they had given themselves the task of raising.

As we grew older, they became more distant, they knew that our bond as a once-shared cell keeps us locked in for life. We’re those bitches, and you know what? It’s better that our parents left it that way. We got older, and together, we grew into the twindependents that we are now. I saw her go from getting her hair pulled on the playground by Brian to breaking the creepy motherfucker’s nose. I saw the web and flow of her relationship with people like Maggie - who, originally her bestie, but is sidetracked with the bitch named Belinda that she’s leashed up. Maggie got some fuck-ass bob of a haircut and she looked like one of those plastic toys that came from the Capitol. You get to like, snap on and snap off different accessories. Girl looked like she snapped on the bob as an accessory and it was not doing her justice - Jill was adamant about that.

Anyway. Jill cries, and sobs, and I do too. We cry like our lives have seen an end. We probably have. That doesn’t mean I’m not proud of who she will be. I’m her brother, after all, I have to have a sense of pride in the bad bitch that’s formed alongside me. "It's just me and you, okay?" She smiles, pulling back and her makeup looks just as sloppy as that one bitch at the burger joint’s lip injections. If you will use your tips, use them well girl. What happened to rent? "You make sure to give Flynn a hard time, okay? Don't let him forget about you. I mean, I like Nessa, but screw her over if you need to. You come home. Not her. You."

I laugh, slightly gargled by my tears, but glad she supports the conception of fuck them. We both know that the chances of him actually caring were low, though. ”I’ll try, but you know how tunnelvisioned he gets.” Flynn, of course. ”He’d never admit it, but he’s a selfish dick. My luck is better annoying Teddy or whatever that old dude’s name is.” That’s my only chance to get some guidance. Flynn can try and offer whatever hand-me-down advice he can offer, but all of the goods go to Nessa. ”If I come back though - Maggie better get rid of that bob.” A smirk crawls out from my mouth, knowing that could be a goal for her. ”Don’t let mom or dad treat you like some sad puppy, either. Don’t… let them care for once, it’s all for show.” We both know that our parents absent energy would only be replaced if they want something from us. But now that it’ll just be her… it gives them more power. Woe-are-they for losing their son, right?